We know that stress builds upon stress. The longer you allow stress to run your thoughts, actions, and behaviors, the more it becomes your default setting. You wake up in the morning, and your brain instantly searches for what is wrong in your life rather than right. Your mind cannot focus on the joyful aspects of life; your kids, friends and family, good health, or whatever you treasure. Before you know it, stress dictates your decisions, and happiness takes a back seat to worry, fear, and anxiety. Not an excellent way to live—for you or the people who love and care for you.

It's time to increase your happiness factor!

While we know that proper diet and exercise, going to a therapist, taking vacations, being present in the moment, and all the other things that are good for us decrease stress, they all require life change. Today's happiness-inducing tips take seconds to minutes, and that's all. You can incorporate these little actions into your life without interrupting your day. These new habits are simple to attain yet powerful. Refrain from dismissing these little gems as too easy to be true and effective!

Happiness comes with a smile.

That's right. Endless research shows that the simple act of an ear-to-ear smile immediately impacts your state of mind. You see, a smile spurs a chemical reaction in the brain, releasing certain hormones, including dopamine and serotonin, the happiness hormones. When you smile, your brain automatically assumes something humorous is happening and responds accordingly. And here's more good news: your brain doesn't know if you're smiling because you genuinely feel happy or if you're pretending. That's right, fake it until you make it.

Does your brain come to life in the morning with stressful thoughts, dread, frustration, or fear? Interrupt that pattern with an ear-to-ear smile. Okay, it may feel goofy to lie in bed smiling at the ceiling, but I kid you not; it's extremely effective. Give it a try! And when you're ready to take things to the next level, find something to laugh about!

Increase happiness when you put a little vacation in every day.

I felt a sinking sensation during my corporate years before I got on the commuter train each morning. It was as though my life wasn't my own once I boarded that train. One day I realized that, between being a single mom and working a demanding job, I had very little of my own time, so of course, I dreaded going to work. So, I decided to change that feeling, even for only a few minutes a day.

I began leaving the house 20 minutes early (no small feat with stunt-loving toddler twins around), but I made it happen. I used that 20 minutes at my morning commute's front or back end. Sometimes, I stopped in the little coffee shop at the station and either laughed and chatted with the owners and other customers or took my coffee to a bench under a tree. There, I focused on the feel-good aspect of being alone; the sweet sound of the birds talking or whatever made my heart feel good.

Other times, I would go out of my way to walk along Lake Michigan to get to work. I would stop in the satellite department store near the train station downtown or browse in a bookshop—things I would do if I were on vacation.

Now, I work from home. I take frequent 5-minute breaks to gaze into my beautiful koi pond or even pull a few weeds (it's meditative!). I'll play with one of our pets or laugh over something silly with my daughters. Other times I'll stop in the middle of the day for something more time-consuming: a massage, a long walk in the woods, a pedicure, or a bit of retail therapy.

I refer to these mini breaks as my way to put a little vacation in every day. This time reminds you that you can escape the stress and daily demands to make yourself feel special and at peace. Make it a rule. Put a little vacation in each and every day!

Show some gratitude.

If a pill could simulate the effects of gratitude, everyone would be taking it. Again, there are countless studies on gratitude's mental and physical benefits. We know that feeling thankful can improve sleep, mood, and immunity. Gratitude can decrease depression, anxiety, chronic pain difficulties, and disease risk.

Gratitude and happiness go hand in hand. But I'm not talking about a robotic recital of a gratitude list. We're all (hopefully) grateful for the important and good things in our lives. Make your gratitude memorable with this simple practice.

Step one is to actively look for simple things that bring joy to your heart. This step requires intention and practice, but this gratitude practice will retrain your brain to focus on the good rather than the stressful stuff.

If you leave the house for an errand or a walk (Walk your dogs! It's a great break for both of you!), watch for the simple things that bring you a moment of pleasure: a beautiful flower, a sweet interaction between a parent and child, a pleasant smell in the air. These are simple pleasures you're looking for, nothing big and life-changing.

You get the idea. This exercise is a highly effective way to practice being present in the moment and teach your brain to seek happiness, not misery.

Step two in the gratitude exercise:

Spend just 5-minutes every night recording your moments of pleasure in a gratitude journal. No cheating! Again, this isn't about the things that you're grateful for; this is about seeking out simple reasons for happiness. You don't have to write a book; a basic sentence or two is perfect.

As you record these special moments, allow your heart to feel them all over again. Going to bed happy provides many benefits, including a more peaceful night's sleep.

Perform random acts of kindness.

I was checking out at Trader Joe's (one of my happy places) a couple of weeks ago. The cashier was a young woman who happily chatted with each customer and did her job joyfully. I don't recall the questions I asked her, but I learned that this happy woman worked three jobs! I asked when she found time for rest, and she responded, “Girl! I've got goals; the time for rest is later!” She went on to say that she loves all of her jobs and is saving so she has the financial means to make her dreams come true.

I was so taken with this magical personality that I went home, grabbed some cash, put it in an envelope with a little note, and returned to the store to give it to her. I told her it was my small way of contributing to her dreams. I can't get the image of her joyful spirit out of my mind. I'm still riding this roller coaster two weeks later.

Along with your gratitude practice, keep your eyes open for small ways to be there for someone else:

• Help someone put groceries in their car.
• Send an employee home early as a special treat.
• Show your appreciation to someone amazing.
• Put a little love note in your child's lunch.
• Surprise a friend by leaving flowers on their doorstep.

Get silly and move!

Just like a smile, shifting your physical state of stress invites your body and brain to feel good. What we call a state change in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) means to change your body radically – to move into a powerful state. Change your posture, facial expression, and breathing. Move to another room, or stand up and strike a Superman pose!

When I began public speaking, I was petrified. It was about more than just getting up on a stage but about creating a presentation powerful enough for an audience to appreciate and benefit from. My anxiety would put a freeze on my creativity. In fact, it crippled my brain! So, I put my knowledge to work. Here are a few of the exercises; they are simple (even goofy) yet effective.

When you're overwhelmed to the point of being frozen, shift to an empowering state to generate happiness and confidence.

Stand tall, and walk around the room while reciting empowering affirmations. Use a strong, confident voice and your hands and arms to accentuate the words. Here are some of the affirmations I used. Before long, I didn't need to do this exercise because I trained my brain to know I was confident, experienced, and strong.

Short and simple affirmations for happiness and confidence.

• I AM an expert!
• I bring value to my audience (or whatever you're doing)!
• I am a great entrepreneur!
• I have everything it takes to succeed at this!
• My voice is powerful and knowing!
• I am confident, capable, and wise!

Remember, use your body, exaggerate your movements, and emphasize key words in your affirmations.

Baby steps. That's all it takes to bring a bit of joy and happiness to your heart. Don't wait for success, don't think you have to make massive life changes. Keep it simple and do it now.

The post Happiness Matters. 5 Fast and Easy Ways to Increase Your Happiness Factor appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

So, here's the story.

Italy was, without a doubt, a trip of a lifetime; however, during the final week, I needed to step up my coping mechanisms to make a difficult adjustment. After three glorious weeks of taking in Italy's spectacular cities and countryside with my brother, Gary, and sister-in-law, Rose, I was excited to experience Rome. The Colosseum, the Forum, the Vatican, the Trevi Fountain, and so much more were awaiting; however, the Universe had different plans for me.

Setbacks happen.

On our final night in Sorrento before traveling to Rome, I sprained my ankle and injured my knee in a nasty fall. It could have been so much worse as I fell hard from the steps onto a marble landing. Still, it hurt like hell! It's a bad sprain, made worse by the knee injury on the opposite leg.

Different personality types respond to setbacks in different ways.

What do you think your initial reaction would've been if you were in my situation? Here's how it went for me.

Immediately after the fall, my initial questions were what most people would ask themselves. How bad is it? Can I move? In how many places am I injured? And then, how will I get up from down here?

After that, I moved on to thoughts similar to what you'd experience for an empathy-driven individual in this situation.

• Oh no, how awful for Gary and Rose to have seen me fall like that.
• Now their trip is going to be ruined.
• Gary had paid for the tours, and now I can't take them; what a waste of money.
• I'm going to slow them down, and I'll be a burden.
• What if I need medical care? That will ruin everything for them!
• I don't want them to worry about me on their vacation!

These fears were a lot to process, and I became overwhelmed and anxious. The fall and all these initial thoughts happened in less than a minute, and I quickly realized the need to access my coping skills, so on went the coach hat. (This was all before I even got off the ground!)

Once I was standing, with the help of my brother, I immediately acknowledged to myself that I was projecting. “If roles were reversed and I witnessed one of them experience a bad fall, would I be thinking about the remainder of my trip being ruined,” I asked myself. The answer was no. I would be deeply concerned for the injured person and think about what I could do to help them. With this shift in perspective, my panic receded, and I could focus on what I needed.

The lesson:

When a setback involves others, don't project. You have no idea how they are feeling or what their thoughts are, and there will be plenty of time to work out the details later. Take care of yourself first and ask for what you need.

Of course, this coach would have more opportunities to turn her skills inward. By the next morning, the pain and swelling worsened in the ankle and the knee. I was alone at the AirBnB and began worrying that I might need medical attention. Would my insurance cover it? Where would I go, and how would I get down the awful stairs lurking just outside the door? Would anyone speak English at the medical center? What would happen if I waited for medical care until I got home a week from now? If there's a fracture, will it be too late to treat it?

As you can see, the negative voices in my head were working overtime. My body became tense all over, and I felt highly agitated. That's when the coach voice took over and told me loud and clear that I was catastrophizing. I was less than a day in; of course, the injuries will get worse before they get better. “Give it time,” I told myself.

I used deep breathing methods to ground myself and shifted states by moving to a different room to distract myself with a bit of television. In addition, I used EFT to quiet the negative voices.

The lesson:

The human brain quickly goes down the path of catastrophic thinking, but your body will alert you when your worrisome brain goes into overdrive. You will experience things like anxiety, tenseness, stomach upset, and headaches. When you receive these signals, stop to ask yourself, “Do any of these manufactured predictions of the future need to be addressed immediately?” And “Do I know–for an absolute fact–that any of these awful things will happen?” The answers are: probably not and no.

In the subsequent phases of adjustment to my unfortunate reality, my brain changed directions, and I began to feel sorry for myself. Here I am, on my dream vacation, stuck in a small apartment with no view and a dangerous stairway. I would miss the spectacular pieces of ancient history I've waited a lifetime to see. I felt angry, sad, and lonely.

With my coach hat on again, I asked myself, “If you must stay in this room for several days, is this how you want to feel?” The answer was absolutely not. I could do nothing to change the situation, so how could I improve it?

I'll admit that even after I put some work into my mindset, some of the sadness remained, but the anger and grief were no longer amplified by it. It's natural to feel a bit sorry for yourself in such situations; I believe anyone would. But I would not let my feelings bring me down to the point of constant misery. So, I created goals and a plan. What entrepreneur doesn't feel better with goals and action steps in place?

First, practice gratitude.

I fell from the steps down onto the solid stone. I could have broken something or many somethings! I could have hit my head or fallen flat on my face. It could have been a truly catastrophic event. I am grateful that my injuries are relatively minor and will heal. I have two caring people with me who would look after me. I created a long list of “I'm really lucky” statements. Gratitude makes everything feel better!

Second, practice acceptance.

• I was in a disappointing situation and could not change it, but I could make the best of it, so I looked for the good.
• Gary and Rose would have some time alone in Rome. I'm sure that feels good to them.
• I brought my iPad, books, and iPhone. I could always find things to do, like writing this post while the facts and feelings were still fresh on my mind. (Although I didn't post it until I returned home.)
• I hadn't watched a movie in quite some time. Who gets to lay around in Rome and watch television? It's a new experience.

Third, expedite my healing.

I studied information online about healing a bad ankle sprain. Unfortunately, the apartment had no freezer, so there was no ice. Yet, ice is crucial to healing. I asked Gary and Rose to get those ice packs you snap to release a cold gel. Not ideal, but better than nothing.

I'd kept the ankle wrapped and elevated and put some magic Italian gel on it. I massaged it, and the knee, several times a day. On the third day, I began basic stretching and other exercises.

Last on the list: Set goals.

I know myself well. No matter what it took, I needed to leave the apartment after a full day inside. Once I got out for an hour or two, I could face another day inside if I continued to work at it. So, on the second morning, I met those challenging stairs with Gary's assistance. He and Rose then escorted me to a cafe where I began this article and sipped a delicious cappuccino while they painstakingly searched Rome for a cane. Later in the day, we took a short walk to a lovely historic restaurant and had a fun evening. I felt much better. On the third morning, I stayed at the Airbnb to rest my ankle, and that evening we attended our after-hours tour of the Vatican Museum and Sistine Chapel. It was a lot of walking and a ton of stairs, but I had a cane and a lot of determination, so I did it, and it was spectacular. A stoic guard even took mercy on me and invited us to ride in a secret elevator!

I continued to motivate myself by adjusting any negative thoughts to a positive mindset and spent my final two days in Italy seeing the sites. I walked miles a day on a badly sprained ankle and crooked cobblestone. It was slow but sure, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Having tools, creating processes, and fine-tuning your mindset can help you through a challenging setback. You don't have to be a professional coach to shape your negative thoughts into a positive vision and a plan to fit any situation. Use the following list as a guide to turn those sour lemons into delicious lemonade. (Oh, Italy has the best lemons, especially in Sorrento!)

• Be kind to yourself and avoid condemning your actions and choices.
• Acknowledge your feelings instead of pushing them down.
• Ask yourself questions like the ones I mentioned in this article.
• Pay attention when you're projecting or catastrophizing. Bring your thoughts back to reality.
• Figure out a plan to make the best of what you've got and to give yourself something to look forward to.
• Use this article as a template you can customize to your needs!

Two weeks after returning home, I don't reflect on a trip ruined by a sprained ankle. I look back at a dream come true and the beauty and richness of Italy. I remember being on the Mediterranean and dining in family-owned restaurants with a plate of homemade pasta and freshly caught shellfish. I think of the memories we created and spending precious time with two people I love. The ankle incident proved my strength and my family member's patience and kindness.

Do I wish the fall had never happened? Of course, I do; the darn ankle still stings, but I also feel proud of the coping mechanisms I put to work. The beautiful memories will far outlast the discomfort and inconvenience of what could have been a far worse incident. And, as my brother says, now I have a story to tell!

The post Here’s How I Just Changed a Shocking Experience to a Manageable Setback appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

As a tribute to Janine at this weekends memorial I will read this revised article that was published on Inc.com a few years ago. I hope you find value in the things I learned from my beautiful sister.

As you know, our sister Janine lived with Down syndrome. Every opportunity to spend in the shadow of her joyful spirit was an occasion to learn a valuable life lesson. I want to share some of them with you today…

1. Be considerate of others–no matter what is going on in your own life.

Janine was consistent in her caring attitude and consideration for others, even during the most trying of times. This quality stood out when she was in the hospital in critical condition. Every visitor received a smile, and when Janine was strong enough, she would ask how they were doing. In some cases, she even consoled her friends.

There's always time and energy to be kind, no matter what's going on in our personal world.

2. You don't need to meet social norms to be happy in life.

Marriage, having children, and total independence were out of the question for Janine. While she may have occasionally fanaticized about having a “normal” life, she found contentment and happiness in her reality. A loving boyfriend, good friends, and the people at Five Star were like family. Janine didn't need to lead the life she witnessed others living to feel happy and fulfilled.

Janine taught me to see my life through the lens of gratitude instead of lack.

3. Be bold.

During one of our phone conversations, Janine came right out and said, “I miss your zucchini bread. Can I have some?” Janine asked for what she wanted. My sister has taught me to step up and speak up boldly. Never feel self-conscious about being honest about your needs and desires. She got that loaf of zucchini bread within a couple of days.

4. Determination and grit pay off.

A few summers ago, doctors gave Janine only the slightest odds of survival as she battled a life-threatening infection. Our family helplessly stood by as she spent a week in an unconscious state, but we all knew she was a survivor and kept reminding her of that fact. Janine opened her eyes on a Sunday and announced that she was ready to go home. She worked hard in physical therapy to regain the use of her limbs and was home within two weeks.

She taught me that if we remain determined, we can conquer the toughest odds.

5. Hugs are priceless.

We grew up in a household of non-huggers. It took me years to overcome the awkwardness of hugging others as an adult, but Janine knew the value of a hug from day one. Witnessing her ability to connect and express caring through hugging taught me to do the same.

If you ever met my sister, you knew to always expect a hug–one that comes from the heart.

6. Forgiveness trumps anger and resentment.

Janine and her friend had been inseparable throughout their entire adulthood until difficult times tore them apart. It was devastating. What some may find unforgivable, Janine and her friend were able to set aside within weeks. Janine didn't not like feeling angry, so she chose not to.

I believe that her ability to release the burden of anger is one of the reasons that she had a happy life, so I follow in those footsteps.

7. Don't let life's struggles keep you down.

There is no time limit on grief, but I wasn't sure about Janine's future happiness when she encountered three devastating losses within two months. Silly me. Sure, there was an adjustment period and while she continued to grieve, as any of us would, she found joy again in no time.

Through Janine, I learned to look for joy to lift me out of the pain of loss.

8. Grieving is healthy.

Like most anyone, Janine mourned the loss of our parents. If I mentioned our mother in a conversation, Janine would sometimes cry and say she wanted mom back. While it was gut-wrenching in one moment, laughter filled the next.

Like Janine, we can all find the strength to face grief head-on without shame or embarrassment. Like Janine, we can find happiness again. Somehow, keeping that knowledge in my heart makes difficult times just a little more bearable.

9. We all make mistakes; it's what happens afterward that's important.

When Janine acted out or her stubborn resistance sets in, she would be the first to say, “I blew it.” She apologized when appropriate and worked on changing her behavior. Then, she would let go and gracefully slip right back into her happy state.

Janine showed me how to embrace my mistakes, learn from them, and move on.

Remember, when life challenges you, it doesn't serve us to focus on the pain and struggle. It's how you find your way through it and what you take away from the experience that matters most

I'll never need to say goodbye to Janine because through these life lessons and so much more, I'll carry her love and spirit in my heart forever. And I hope you will too…

The post My Sister Lived with Down Syndrome, and She Taught Me These Life Lessons appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

I’m beginning to see more posts from people who are reaching out to their crowd with offers of help during this trying time. From running necessary errands for their senior and immunocompromised neighbors to offering free online support resources, these folks are funneling their internal energy into an outward-facing mission. But it's difficult to thrive through helping others when you are immobilized by fear.

Know this: Everyone is afraid right now because we are all human.  It’s absolutely normal and acceptable to be afraid. Even the strongest among us are deeply concerned about some aspects of this war on Coronavirus.

Love yourself first, no matter who you are or what you’re feeling in the moment. Fear is not a bad thing, it’s what we do with it and that can become destructive.

Also know that you’re not alone.

Remember, fear does not make you weak; it can motivate you to access your greatest strengths and qualities.

You are amazing, no matter what you’re feeling and thinking right now. There is no time better than now to harvest all of that amazingness and make a difference. Whether it’s within yourself, your household, or the communities beyond your front door, even the smallest gesture will make a big difference.

Time for my secret weapon.

You can ease your stress and summon up the strength to reach out to others, even in the smallest way. The Emotional Freedom Techniques is the most efficient, powerful tool I know to do just that. There are many video resources on Facebook and sites like The Tapping Solution to help you release some of your fear.

Tap as often as you can. Below are a few affirmations to say as you tap on the meridian points we use in EFT. Use these affirmations as a boost throughout your day. There is a free tapping chart available on my EFT page.

Tap on any of the points, even if you use only one or two of your favorite points. Remember that if you are out in public use points that are not on your face. Follow these affirmations as a script, choose only a few, and/or create your own—whatever works best for you.

Affirmations and acceptance of yourself.

I feel fearful right now, and I accept myself, fear and all.

Everyone feels the coronavirus fear, fear is human and acceptable.

I forgive myself for not being perfect because I am human.

I am not alone.

I choose [insert here] (hope, love, kindness, joy, peace, strength, etc.).

I also know that at this very moment, I am safe.

At this moment I am safe.

I choose to release some of my fear now. I fill myself with [peace and calm].

I accept [peace and calm] – I feel it in my heart.

I choose to allow [peace, hope, love, well-being] to fill my heart.

Love is abundant in this world.

I give and accept love freely and fully.

I am willing to release some of my fear, along with any other obstacles to peace.

In this moment, I am safe.

I am safe. I am loved. I am grounded.

I release all that does not serve me.

I breathe with ease and inner-calm.

My breath flows deeply and smoothly.

I choose a deep, cleansing breath now. (Breathe deeply)

In this moment, I am filled with peace.

I choose to focus on my blessings. I am grateful.

I am safe. I am loved. I am strong. I am grounded.

The post Affirmations and Emotional Freedom Techniques for Difficult Times appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

The first time I saw it, I really didn’t give much thought to the movie's name, or the statement made by a key character in reference to losing a loved one: “Make sure to notice the collateral beauty.” Beauty resulting from a painful loss? Can there be such a thing? One might initially be incensed by such a suggestion, but in healing there is beauty. And yes, we might even find the beauty in the otherwise heart-breaking consequences of loss.

I’ve experienced a number of seemingly insurmountable losses, as many of us have. While drowning in the darkness and isolation in the months that followed, I made a commitment to myself, and to the beloved person who was no longer at my side. I refused to allow the pain associated with their death to become the main focus, rather than the impact they’d had on my life. I would, in some way, honor them and the time we had together. I would find what I can now see as collateral beauty.

When my husband died only 3 weeks after our twin daughters turned 8 years old, I began journaling. Putting words to my feelings, fears, and loneliness helped me experience my grief in a healing way, rather than continually wallow in it. Journaling led to a practice of gratitude–and eventually the study of spirituality and metaphysics. Over the years I evolved into a stronger, more intentional, and peaceful individual. I noticed the beauty in things I’d never seen before. I saw life in variations of color, instead of black or white. And, after a 10-year study of life, mindset mastery, and spirituality (one that will never end) I became a coach who would help people through challenges of their own.

Prior to my husband’s death, I did what people do: work, parent, love, and hope. After his death, I learned to live through my heart, speak from my wisdom, and rely on my unshakable faith. Eventually, I would help others do the same.

We all must grieve in our own way, on our own timeline. No one can tell us what will happen in the months and years to come, but we get to make some healing choices when we’re ready.

Don't neglect your grief but also journal about the good things: memories, forced changes that may be good for you, self-growth, greater connection to yourself and a higher power (if you believe), and the paths that are now available to you.

Take long walks in nature and open your eyes to notice things you may not have seen before. It helped me to seek out things that were larger than my life. It filled my heart with wonder, giving me a brief respite from my grief. I'd never seen the world in this way, so for me, this was one aspect of the collateral beauty.

Do something meaningful to honor your loved ones. I, unfortunately, had a horrible series of experiences at the hospital while I was at my husband's side. I had a friend who was a hospital social worker and she arranged several speaking engagements attended by medical professionals. I talked about the significance of their actions and how they can make a difference in someone's life. That difference can create tragic memories or great comfort–their choice. There was never a dry eye in the house when I spoke of our journey through the medical system. This empowered me and pulled me out of an aspect of grief that felt uncontrollable to me. My husband's death provided me with the opportunity to perhaps save other families from unnecessary pain.

There is collateral beauty in loss and grief, and perhaps simply knowing that can bring us through those moments of excruciating pain. It can give us something to hold on to, beyond memories of the past—because, it’s the future that brings hope and new beginnings.

The post Grief Completely Sucks. Look For the Collateral Beauty to Find Hope Again appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

It was two weeks ago that I glanced out of my office window to see bursts of red and orange flames violently licking at the garage attached to my backdoor neighbor’s home. The ill-fated garage became engulfed within seconds; the fire spreading to another home in what seemed like an instant. Only a minute or two later, both homes fell to the complete mercy of the angry fire and its billowing smoke. I could feel the heat against my office window as bleak darkness filled the neighborhood.

At last, emergency vehicles arrived at the scene. The eight or nine minutes that had gone by seemed an eternity as a harsh and threatening reality slowed time and raced our thoughts. My daughter and I were immediately evacuated from the area. Our good fortune offered us about a minute to gather what we absolutely needed to remove from our home for safe-keeping. We chose our pets and purses. Ok, I will confess that I also took my MacBook Pro.

As we exited the home where I raised my children, my usually keen intuition failed me.  I did not know–couldn’t feel– if we would ever return to this place. I rolled my mental clock forward about a year and asked myself, “Is there anything else you absolutely must protect from this fire?” The answer, coming to me in calm form, was no. I’d already safely removed all that mattered.

The fire, being fed by natural gas, fought stubbornly against the giant water hoses. It was an hour before it was under control; a full hour before we were allowed back to the street where we lived. While gratitude for the safety of my home was strongly present, foremost on my mind was the impulse to go to my neighbors to offer what support I could. Standing in a small circle with the stricken families, the emotions were palpable. Intermingled amongst them were shock, fear, anger, confusion, and immense gratitude for the lives that were spared. Yes, even during these dark hours, these families could assimilate their grief enough to celebrate the joy and preciousness of life.

Flames, intense emotions, and fear. Memories and thoughts of these I am able to organize and set aside.  What fills my mind’s eye yet today is the image of first responders exiting from the scene after exhausting hours of battling vicious, life-threatening flames. Firefighters retreated through a gauntlet of impressive emergency vehicles. Locked behind distant eyes and sheltered expressions were thoughts and emotions entirely out of reach for anyone who’s never performed such acts of courage. These men had retreated within themselves to a place so deep that nothing would reach them until they were ready to emerge. Those faces and the intensity of what they secretly conveyed will never exit my memory.

While the next eight to twelve months will be immensely challenging for my neighbors, they still have what they most cherish—one another. When my own home was under threat, I too held on to what I most cherished, but I’ve gained something more: an enriched perspective on life. Those firefighters would assimilate the days’ experiences in their own way, but I’m fairly certain that their private processing would include thanks for the safety of their own loved ones. They know, more than anyone, that in the end, that’s all that matters. While we can all claim to understand that single, most important truth, I don’t believe we fully embrace it until faced with the prospect, or reality, of the most unbearable loss.

So, my friends, as you travel through the days and years ahead, fretting about things like your business and the state of your finances, return to the state of gratitude that is ours to embrace and enjoy. From this place of appreciation, only love can exist. Fear is like the angry black smoke that hid all else on that day—never give it the power to suffocate your dreams.

The post The Fire That Ignited My Heightened Perspective appeared first on Marla Tabaka.