So, here's the story.

Italy was, without a doubt, a trip of a lifetime; however, during the final week, I needed to step up my coping mechanisms to make a difficult adjustment. After three glorious weeks of taking in Italy's spectacular cities and countryside with my brother, Gary, and sister-in-law, Rose, I was excited to experience Rome. The Colosseum, the Forum, the Vatican, the Trevi Fountain, and so much more were awaiting; however, the Universe had different plans for me.

Setbacks happen.

On our final night in Sorrento before traveling to Rome, I sprained my ankle and injured my knee in a nasty fall. It could have been so much worse as I fell hard from the steps onto a marble landing. Still, it hurt like hell! It's a bad sprain, made worse by the knee injury on the opposite leg.

Different personality types respond to setbacks in different ways.

What do you think your initial reaction would've been if you were in my situation? Here's how it went for me.

Immediately after the fall, my initial questions were what most people would ask themselves. How bad is it? Can I move? In how many places am I injured? And then, how will I get up from down here?

After that, I moved on to thoughts similar to what you'd experience for an empathy-driven individual in this situation.

• Oh no, how awful for Gary and Rose to have seen me fall like that.
• Now their trip is going to be ruined.
• Gary had paid for the tours, and now I can't take them; what a waste of money.
• I'm going to slow them down, and I'll be a burden.
• What if I need medical care? That will ruin everything for them!
• I don't want them to worry about me on their vacation!

These fears were a lot to process, and I became overwhelmed and anxious. The fall and all these initial thoughts happened in less than a minute, and I quickly realized the need to access my coping skills, so on went the coach hat. (This was all before I even got off the ground!)

Once I was standing, with the help of my brother, I immediately acknowledged to myself that I was projecting. “If roles were reversed and I witnessed one of them experience a bad fall, would I be thinking about the remainder of my trip being ruined,” I asked myself. The answer was no. I would be deeply concerned for the injured person and think about what I could do to help them. With this shift in perspective, my panic receded, and I could focus on what I needed.

The lesson:

When a setback involves others, don't project. You have no idea how they are feeling or what their thoughts are, and there will be plenty of time to work out the details later. Take care of yourself first and ask for what you need.

Of course, this coach would have more opportunities to turn her skills inward. By the next morning, the pain and swelling worsened in the ankle and the knee. I was alone at the AirBnB and began worrying that I might need medical attention. Would my insurance cover it? Where would I go, and how would I get down the awful stairs lurking just outside the door? Would anyone speak English at the medical center? What would happen if I waited for medical care until I got home a week from now? If there's a fracture, will it be too late to treat it?

As you can see, the negative voices in my head were working overtime. My body became tense all over, and I felt highly agitated. That's when the coach voice took over and told me loud and clear that I was catastrophizing. I was less than a day in; of course, the injuries will get worse before they get better. “Give it time,” I told myself.

I used deep breathing methods to ground myself and shifted states by moving to a different room to distract myself with a bit of television. In addition, I used EFT to quiet the negative voices.

The lesson:

The human brain quickly goes down the path of catastrophic thinking, but your body will alert you when your worrisome brain goes into overdrive. You will experience things like anxiety, tenseness, stomach upset, and headaches. When you receive these signals, stop to ask yourself, “Do any of these manufactured predictions of the future need to be addressed immediately?” And “Do I know–for an absolute fact–that any of these awful things will happen?” The answers are: probably not and no.

In the subsequent phases of adjustment to my unfortunate reality, my brain changed directions, and I began to feel sorry for myself. Here I am, on my dream vacation, stuck in a small apartment with no view and a dangerous stairway. I would miss the spectacular pieces of ancient history I've waited a lifetime to see. I felt angry, sad, and lonely.

With my coach hat on again, I asked myself, “If you must stay in this room for several days, is this how you want to feel?” The answer was absolutely not. I could do nothing to change the situation, so how could I improve it?

I'll admit that even after I put some work into my mindset, some of the sadness remained, but the anger and grief were no longer amplified by it. It's natural to feel a bit sorry for yourself in such situations; I believe anyone would. But I would not let my feelings bring me down to the point of constant misery. So, I created goals and a plan. What entrepreneur doesn't feel better with goals and action steps in place?

First, practice gratitude.

I fell from the steps down onto the solid stone. I could have broken something or many somethings! I could have hit my head or fallen flat on my face. It could have been a truly catastrophic event. I am grateful that my injuries are relatively minor and will heal. I have two caring people with me who would look after me. I created a long list of “I'm really lucky” statements. Gratitude makes everything feel better!

Second, practice acceptance.

• I was in a disappointing situation and could not change it, but I could make the best of it, so I looked for the good.
• Gary and Rose would have some time alone in Rome. I'm sure that feels good to them.
• I brought my iPad, books, and iPhone. I could always find things to do, like writing this post while the facts and feelings were still fresh on my mind. (Although I didn't post it until I returned home.)
• I hadn't watched a movie in quite some time. Who gets to lay around in Rome and watch television? It's a new experience.

Third, expedite my healing.

I studied information online about healing a bad ankle sprain. Unfortunately, the apartment had no freezer, so there was no ice. Yet, ice is crucial to healing. I asked Gary and Rose to get those ice packs you snap to release a cold gel. Not ideal, but better than nothing.

I'd kept the ankle wrapped and elevated and put some magic Italian gel on it. I massaged it, and the knee, several times a day. On the third day, I began basic stretching and other exercises.

Last on the list: Set goals.

I know myself well. No matter what it took, I needed to leave the apartment after a full day inside. Once I got out for an hour or two, I could face another day inside if I continued to work at it. So, on the second morning, I met those challenging stairs with Gary's assistance. He and Rose then escorted me to a cafe where I began this article and sipped a delicious cappuccino while they painstakingly searched Rome for a cane. Later in the day, we took a short walk to a lovely historic restaurant and had a fun evening. I felt much better. On the third morning, I stayed at the Airbnb to rest my ankle, and that evening we attended our after-hours tour of the Vatican Museum and Sistine Chapel. It was a lot of walking and a ton of stairs, but I had a cane and a lot of determination, so I did it, and it was spectacular. A stoic guard even took mercy on me and invited us to ride in a secret elevator!

I continued to motivate myself by adjusting any negative thoughts to a positive mindset and spent my final two days in Italy seeing the sites. I walked miles a day on a badly sprained ankle and crooked cobblestone. It was slow but sure, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Having tools, creating processes, and fine-tuning your mindset can help you through a challenging setback. You don't have to be a professional coach to shape your negative thoughts into a positive vision and a plan to fit any situation. Use the following list as a guide to turn those sour lemons into delicious lemonade. (Oh, Italy has the best lemons, especially in Sorrento!)

• Be kind to yourself and avoid condemning your actions and choices.
• Acknowledge your feelings instead of pushing them down.
• Ask yourself questions like the ones I mentioned in this article.
• Pay attention when you're projecting or catastrophizing. Bring your thoughts back to reality.
• Figure out a plan to make the best of what you've got and to give yourself something to look forward to.
• Use this article as a template you can customize to your needs!

Two weeks after returning home, I don't reflect on a trip ruined by a sprained ankle. I look back at a dream come true and the beauty and richness of Italy. I remember being on the Mediterranean and dining in family-owned restaurants with a plate of homemade pasta and freshly caught shellfish. I think of the memories we created and spending precious time with two people I love. The ankle incident proved my strength and my family member's patience and kindness.

Do I wish the fall had never happened? Of course, I do; the darn ankle still stings, but I also feel proud of the coping mechanisms I put to work. The beautiful memories will far outlast the discomfort and inconvenience of what could have been a far worse incident. And, as my brother says, now I have a story to tell!

The post Here’s How I Just Changed a Shocking Experience to a Manageable Setback appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

When your time belongs to something else—work, parenting, caregiving, your business—it can seem you’re trapped inside someone else’s agenda. Entrepreneurs easily fall into this cycle, sacrificing themselves and their time to long-term goals and the needs of others. If you’re not careful, the daily stress of giving yourself away diminishes any sense of self and well-being.

I recall my twenty-plus years of working in corporate: a fifteen-minute drive to the train, a forty-minute train ride into the city, then a brisk twenty-minute walk from Chicago’s Union Station to work. The commute was filled with paperwork and scheduling so I could lessen the load before a hectic 8 to 10 hours in the local news world. At last, I followed the routine of my reverse commute home to my kids for the few short hours we had together.

I loved my job, and being a mom, but what I didn’t love was the feeling of being lost inside the mechanics of every task-filled day. I rarely stilled my mind to capture the most important moments in life or to create a space that felt like mine because I belonged to everyone else. I never stopped to realize that I was lost, that there was something inside of me that felt unsatisfied—until one early morning when I missed my train, which left me with a rare twenty minutes to do nothing.

I felt nearly giddy with the anticipation of a precious few silent moments to myself. I randomly strolled across to a little coffee house where patrons cheerfully bantered with the fun-loving proprietors while waiting for their lattes and mochas. “Oh my! A cinnamon scone,” I thought. “Dare I? Oh sure, it was a special day.”

A special day? Why? It hit me then that treating myself to a few laughs with strangers, a fresh cup of coffee, and a cinnamon scone filled me with giddy anticipation of the next moment and the next. I took my warm coffee and scone to a park bench and savored them, along with the joy that filled my heart as I noticed, for the first time, the beautiful fall colors that had begun to tinge the leaves of the old oaks. “I feel like I’m on vacation,” I thought blissfully. I went to work that day with more emotional and physical energy than I’d had in a while, with a bit more spirit in my step.

That evening I journaled about my mini-vacation experience, and I found it so meaningful that it was decided, then and there, that I would “put a little vacation in every day.”

Put a little vacation in every day.

So, what does that really mean? Missing your train or a meeting, so you can sit idly in a park warming your hands on a cup of joe? What if it wasn’t that random? What if, without sacrifice, you could escape the everyday demands to capture time for yourself? To connect with yourself and your surroundings in a way that eludes you on a typical day? To stop and smell the roses, as they say.

It sounds like too little to mean a lot.

Too good to be true? You may ask, how can five or ten minutes make a difference in how I feel? What might this do for your well-being, health, and spirit?

1. Let’s look at the more practical side of this concept first. Research tells us that taking purposeful breaks (anywhere from 5–60 minutes) to refresh your brain and body increases your energy, productivity, and ability to focus. This is especially true during periods of intense concentration, like study and work projects. Short breaks will give you more time to do other things, making you more efficient and accurate.

Ok, now that that’s out of the way, let’s look at the more meaningful side of taking your little vacation breaks.

2. Purposeful mini-breaks can change the way you think. This is what I call, Bullshift™.

When we don’t have time to ourselves to just “be,” much of life’s more meaningful content gets swept under the rug. We neglect to find gratitude and appreciation for the good stuff and tend to focus on the more stressful aspects of our day-to-day life. Your mind is like your body, it becomes what you feed it. We must nourish our brains with positive thoughts, intent, and beliefs to live a happy, healthy, and fulfilled life.

When you take yourself away from the hustle for a few minutes spend that time finding the good: breathe deeply, look for something beautiful in your surroundings, notice the feel and scent of the air, savor the taste of something delicious, or observe an exchange between happy individuals. These simple actions will reinforce new neural pathways in your brain that eventually become automatic. Translation: You are teaching your brain to default to a positive attitude!

A little vacation in every day has become second nature to me, and I hope it does for you as well. Negativity is exhausting! Life is more fulfilling and hopeful when we can teach our brains to find the positive, even during difficult times. Rather than allowing daily demands to deplete you, capture something special in your day to make it yours because you deserve it!

The post How About 365 Vacations This Year? Here’s How–and Why appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

Here's what may be going on, and how you can make it better.

1. Others don't understand the entrepreneurial dreams or mindset.

Let's face it, entrepreneurs are a breed unto themselves. You are willing to take emotional and financial risks to attain the dream. You strive for freedom but often work sixty-plus hour weeks. The passion runs so deep that others can't possibly know how it feels.

Entrepreneurs frequently tell me how much they love their partner and friends, but people who don't relate to an entrepreneurial mindset may not be able to support you as you like and need.  You may be looking in the wrong place for the camaraderie and encouragement you seek from those in your personal life.

Solution: Find like-minded supporters.

Spend time with other entrepreneurs. There are groups out there for most any interest. Sharing stories, brainstorming, and lending your expertise will give you a dose of the mental and emotional stimulation you crave. The assistance of a great coach or mentor is strongly advised to aid you in creating this balance.

2. They feel robbed of your attention.

The important people in your life may feel deprived of your attention. It's tough to admit this, so they may cite something else as the problem, become argumentative, or go into avoidance mode. This creates confusion because you can't possibly find a solution to a problem that you haven't properly identified.  Oftentimes, loved ones will say they support you, but their actions don't match their words. This is particularly true if your attention is lopsided, in favor of your business. Sometimes things get so bad at home that the entrepreneur hides behind the business to avoid facing the issues at home or in their friendships.

Solution: Create balance and avoid making promises you may not be able to keep.

Broken promises are a brutal blow to our loved ones and will cause their feelings to deepen with disappointment. Have you told your significant other that the business won't disrupt your household or relationship? You know that's not true. Do you miss out on plans or constantly run late?

If you find yourself begging forgiveness for broken promises, then something must change.  Be honest, realistic, and forthright rather than avoiding the truth in fear of backlash or disappointing them. It's only fair that they know what they're dealing with. Learn to work on your business instead of in your business and create processes to expedite and organize things so you can spend more time with your loved ones. You might find they become more supportive when they don’t feel second to your business.

3. They are more risk averse than you are.

When entrepreneurs sink time and money into a business it changes the financial landscape of the household. Savings decrease, debt increases, and lifestyle luxuries go by the wayside. Your partner may be focused on dollars in the bank today, while you're focused on a larger fortune down the road.  Spouses sometimes feel resentful, especially if they cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. Your dream may require them to work harder to make ends meet, placing the burden of financial survival on their shoulders while you “squander away the money.”

Solution: Have a solid financial plan and share it with them. 

Many entrepreneurs begin their business as a sole proprietor. As things grow and problems arise (because they will), it's difficult to slow down enough to create a plan. A business without a plan leads to a lack of clarity and direction. I'm not a fan of full-blown business plans unless an investor is involved, but a basic financial forecast and growth strategy is a must. These plans will help those who love you feel more secure about your investment.

4. They are afraid for you.

No one who loves you wants to see you hurt. While they may not understand your vision and commitment, they do understand how much your entrepreneurial dreams mean to you. They probably hear about your fears and problems, but do you communicate any positive development and wins? You may feel like you've got this, but they cannot be inside your head, so they don't feel as confident as you do. This doesn't mean they don't believe in you; they just don't see the big picture as you do.

Solution: Be conscious of how you communicate.

Sometimes it feels good to vent; to express your fears and unburden yourself when things aren't going well. So, you dump on your loved one and leave them feeling your pain. It's good to vent but make sure it's balanced by expressing a positive outlook or something that will help to resolve their concern. Of course, they will worry for and about you. Many entrepreneurs have come to me after years of using their spouse as a sounding board, only to realize it's ineffective and stressful for both parties. Again, a coach or someone else who can fill this role is a good way to go. Not to exclude others, but to balance the load.

One more important note: Never make assumptions about the meaning behind your loved one's seemingly negative actions. Reading messages into another's behavior is a fine way to create unnecessary trouble for the relationship. The key to success and feeling supported is to communicate clearly and to remember that support is a two-way street.

The post 4 Reasons Your Partner Isn’t Fully Supportive of Your Entrepreneurial Dreams (and What to Do About It) appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

First, let’s get something straight: there is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is no timeline or deadline. Grief pours into every crevasse of our lives; it is not a linear process. With that said, if a significant life change or a loss creates a chronic condition that won’t stop negatively impacting your emotional well-being, you probably need help looking at the deeper meaning.

A necessary part of the human experience is the inevitable pain of loss, illness, and unwelcome change. Your method of handling life events is based on your beliefs and how you perceive yourself. If, for instance, you experienced abandonment or the loss of a parent in your youth, you may be hypersensitive to loss. You may, for example, believe that those you love will eventually disappear from your life. On the other hand, your friend who has not loved and lost may grieve and appear to move on with comparative ease.

The challenge with differing beliefs is that it’s difficult to fathom the other person’s point of view. You can’t imagine your brain working that way. I remember experiencing this when my mom passed away. My heart was breaking; the loss felt unbearable. My siblings managed their emotions differently. “What did you think would happen? She was 92 years old,” one brother said to me. I viewed his remark as insensitive, and I couldn’t understand why he didn’t miss mom as much as I did.

Since then, I’ve learned that he does miss her; he simply found a different (less painful) path to acceptance. I misinterpreted his acceptance as a lack of love because I couldn’t imagine how he could love our mother and cope well with the loss. It felt as though these two experiences could not co-exist. I was wrong.

Do you find that things like loss, conflict, unwelcome change, and difficult news seem beyond your ability to manage emotionally? Does the deep pain and worry stay with you for years, often spiking, surprising you with deep, painful emotions at unexpected times? Suppose this harms your mental well-being. It may be helpful to look at how your personal paradigm was formed and whether you can shift your perspective. I’ve done this countless times over the years, and the experience is life-altering.

For me, loss has been the most challenging of life events to manage. Even the loss of one of my beloved dogs haunted me for many years. Friends who moved away, breaking up with someone I’ve dated, and most certainly the pain of loss when my husband and mother passed seemed insurmountable. I knew that my level of ongoing grief was not within normative values. It had a negative impact on my life in many ways. Something had to change, so I found help.

What I learned about myself is that loss threatened my sense of safety and well-being. My dog, Cooper, for instance, entered our lives only months after my husband passed. For five years, Cooper and I walked in the woods almost every day while I cried, vented, and created a new life for myself. Cooper was a vessel for my deepest emotions and a catalyst to my healing. On a subconscious level, I believed that losing him after only five years was a threat to my well-being and a stab in the back at my attempt to build a new life for my young children and me. He held my grief and my dreams; what now?

My mother was my best friend. We laughed and cried together. Mom rescued me from disaster on more than one occasion. Again subconsciously, losing her meant that my security and safety were next to go.

It’s natural to feel the pain of loss; it becomes a part of who you are. But when it threatens your mental health and ability to thrive, it’s a problem. However, you can create internal change that makes life more joyful and helps you find gratitude for all that is.

Remember, grief is not always attached to death. It comes from divorce, loss of a business, estrangement, loss of a job, and so many other life events. Don’t shy away from asking for professional help to assimilate your losses and find balance. Some life coaches are equipped to help you. There are grief counselors and coaches. And certainly, everyone can benefit from therapy.

What steps will you take to heal? Reach out to me; perhaps I can steer you in the right direction.

The post Why Do Others Quickly Recover from Grief, and I Don’t? appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

As a tribute to Janine at this weekends memorial I will read this revised article that was published on Inc.com a few years ago. I hope you find value in the things I learned from my beautiful sister.

As you know, our sister Janine lived with Down syndrome. Every opportunity to spend in the shadow of her joyful spirit was an occasion to learn a valuable life lesson. I want to share some of them with you today…

1. Be considerate of others–no matter what is going on in your own life.

Janine was consistent in her caring attitude and consideration for others, even during the most trying of times. This quality stood out when she was in the hospital in critical condition. Every visitor received a smile, and when Janine was strong enough, she would ask how they were doing. In some cases, she even consoled her friends.

There's always time and energy to be kind, no matter what's going on in our personal world.

2. You don't need to meet social norms to be happy in life.

Marriage, having children, and total independence were out of the question for Janine. While she may have occasionally fanaticized about having a “normal” life, she found contentment and happiness in her reality. A loving boyfriend, good friends, and the people at Five Star were like family. Janine didn't need to lead the life she witnessed others living to feel happy and fulfilled.

Janine taught me to see my life through the lens of gratitude instead of lack.

3. Be bold.

During one of our phone conversations, Janine came right out and said, “I miss your zucchini bread. Can I have some?” Janine asked for what she wanted. My sister has taught me to step up and speak up boldly. Never feel self-conscious about being honest about your needs and desires. She got that loaf of zucchini bread within a couple of days.

4. Determination and grit pay off.

A few summers ago, doctors gave Janine only the slightest odds of survival as she battled a life-threatening infection. Our family helplessly stood by as she spent a week in an unconscious state, but we all knew she was a survivor and kept reminding her of that fact. Janine opened her eyes on a Sunday and announced that she was ready to go home. She worked hard in physical therapy to regain the use of her limbs and was home within two weeks.

She taught me that if we remain determined, we can conquer the toughest odds.

5. Hugs are priceless.

We grew up in a household of non-huggers. It took me years to overcome the awkwardness of hugging others as an adult, but Janine knew the value of a hug from day one. Witnessing her ability to connect and express caring through hugging taught me to do the same.

If you ever met my sister, you knew to always expect a hug–one that comes from the heart.

6. Forgiveness trumps anger and resentment.

Janine and her friend had been inseparable throughout their entire adulthood until difficult times tore them apart. It was devastating. What some may find unforgivable, Janine and her friend were able to set aside within weeks. Janine didn't not like feeling angry, so she chose not to.

I believe that her ability to release the burden of anger is one of the reasons that she had a happy life, so I follow in those footsteps.

7. Don't let life's struggles keep you down.

There is no time limit on grief, but I wasn't sure about Janine's future happiness when she encountered three devastating losses within two months. Silly me. Sure, there was an adjustment period and while she continued to grieve, as any of us would, she found joy again in no time.

Through Janine, I learned to look for joy to lift me out of the pain of loss.

8. Grieving is healthy.

Like most anyone, Janine mourned the loss of our parents. If I mentioned our mother in a conversation, Janine would sometimes cry and say she wanted mom back. While it was gut-wrenching in one moment, laughter filled the next.

Like Janine, we can all find the strength to face grief head-on without shame or embarrassment. Like Janine, we can find happiness again. Somehow, keeping that knowledge in my heart makes difficult times just a little more bearable.

9. We all make mistakes; it's what happens afterward that's important.

When Janine acted out or her stubborn resistance sets in, she would be the first to say, “I blew it.” She apologized when appropriate and worked on changing her behavior. Then, she would let go and gracefully slip right back into her happy state.

Janine showed me how to embrace my mistakes, learn from them, and move on.

Remember, when life challenges you, it doesn't serve us to focus on the pain and struggle. It's how you find your way through it and what you take away from the experience that matters most

I'll never need to say goodbye to Janine because through these life lessons and so much more, I'll carry her love and spirit in my heart forever. And I hope you will too…

The post My Sister Lived with Down Syndrome, and She Taught Me These Life Lessons appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

As a life coach and a self-professed neuroscience junky, I'm fortunate to have an understanding of how the brain works, as well as the tools to redirect my fearful, anxious thoughts. I knew that I was falling into the bandwagon effect of fear-based cognitive bias that's spreading at an alarmingly faster rate than the virus itself.

I'm not saying that we have no reason for concern. For some, it's challenging to avoid cognitive bias (the very normal and common tendency to overemphasize things that are recent and very vivid) because they are not slowing down to look at the real facts surrounding the Covid-19 pandemic. Anyone's imagination can run wild in situations like these.

Hey, it's no one's fault; this is how the brain functions. My point here is that we can shift our perspective and lower the stress that's related to catastrophic thinking. Remember, excessive stress weakens the immune system, so it's crucial that you take the time to address your anxious thoughts and feelings.

One way to do this is to slow down and recognize the whole truth, rather than focusing on only the negative aspects. Again, the brain quickly jumps on the train to spread negativity far and wide, and it takes a bit of work to direct that train to higher ground.

Examples of fear-based thinking and how to manage it:

If you hear, say, or think something like,

“They're saying that Coronavirus is going infect nearly all us; the world is changing, and it's scary.” (Feel your fear and anxiety mounting.)

Add more facts to your statement like,

“We know that a great majority of those infected are recovering. Many are experiencing few if any, symptoms.”

Here's another:

“I'm afraid that if I don't stock up on things, the stores will run out. What if I can't get my x,y,z?”

Add more facts:

The essential businesses, like grocery stores, will not shut down. Supplies will continue to come in. People who purchased 26 jumbo packs of mega roll toilet paper and a deep freezer's worth of frozen meats and vegetables won't go through it for a long time, so purchasing will slow down.

And then there's this:

“There aren't enough tests. Everyone needs to be tested; that's the only thing that will stop the spread.”

Add this thought:

Confirming that someone has the virus changes nothing; the treatment for unfavorable lung conditions remains the same. Anyone who is ill, whether or not it's Covid-19, needs to stay home or receive medical attention if (and that's a big if) their conditions worsen. All of us don't need to be tested. (This is not only my opinion; doctors and researchers say the same thing.)

If your thoughts are telling you this:

“My investments are dwindling. I fear that, soon, there won't be anything left! What am I going to do?”

Consider this:

The stock market historically rebounds. Your investments are long-term. Today your stocks are down, and soon they will rally.

When your brain jumps on the negative-thinking bandwagon, imagine a stop sign and divert your attention by doing something physical. Jump up and down, dance, turn on an exercise video, and follow along. Breaking the cycle of negativity is imperative to healing the mind. In the moment, it may feel difficult, but it's so incredibly easy once you change tracks. If you have to do it 50 times a day, it's worth it. Soon, your brain will catch on and slow down the negative soundtracks.

Have you ever used or heard of the Emotional Freedom Techniques, aka EFT and Tapping? I call this tool my Secret Weapon because it's just that powerful. While EFT is considered a self-help tool, working with a skilled practitioner is far more effective, especially with your more significant stressors. Contact me to talk about how I can help!

The post Are Your Thoughts Driving You Crazy Right Now? How to Minimize Fearful Thinking appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

Now is the time to grow–as a human being and an entrepreneur.

What emotions do you have going on? What have I missed from this list to the left?

As if the pandemic itself isn’t enough to deal with, the emotions associated with these times add a whole different dimension.

Pandemics only happen in the movies.

The end of life as we know it isn’t supposed to happen until an impossible-to-imagine futuristic date.

All of this is foreign—to every human being on the planet.

It only makes sense that along with the unknowns of this “flu” epidemic, you would have many emotions that feel just as mysterious.

People are feeling things they’ve never before felt at such egregious depths. It’s difficult to understand some of these emotions, and even more difficult to figure out how to manage them

One day, you think you’ve made it over the proverbial emotional hump.

Yet, the next morning you wake up feeling even more anxious than you were last week.

What’s up with that?

Well, that’s just how grief works. Yes, I said grief. We tend to associate grief with death, but grief is really about loss. And, the world has lost so much. Not only have we lost people we love and/or admire, we’ve lost things we’ve come to depend on and expect.

• • The familiarity of routine.
  • The closeness of friends and family.
  • The opportunity to keep your business on track to reach your vision.
  • Social activities.
  • The luxury and convenience of dining out.
  • Travel.
  • Enjoying local activities.
  • The chance to celebrate holidays in traditional ways.
  • A sense of control of our daily lives and our future.
  • And, everything that this list is missing for you.

Of course, you are grieving! Yet, instead of hearing, “Marla, I’m grieving, and I want to figure out how to process and honor that.”

I hear, “I should not feel this bad; others have it so much worse than I do.” And, “I wish I could be stronger.”

I hear guilt and shame associated with what is only natural and to be expected at this time—grief. The right to grieve is not hidden away in some kind of elusive shelter, only to be accessed by those who have lost a loved one. Today, the right to grieve is for you. It is for everyone.

Emotions don't make you weak, they make you human.

Processing your grief begins with permission. No matter what your situation, it’s ok to take some downtime to recognize and eventually heal from your emotions.

Minimize your guilt as much as possible by knowing that you are doing the best you can considering the circumstances before you. Be kind to yourself, acknowledge you have a right to your feelings. Everyone does.

Journal about it.

Write it out, baby! Everything! Your journal is a safe space to say how you really feel. Some people aren’t comfortable with talking about their negative feelings, thinking that they need to remain positive. Expressing the negative thoughts paves the way to positivity. Writing about or stating your fears out loud will not make them come true. It’s persistent negativity that leads us down a less desirable path.

As you journal, turn your thoughts around by stating the potentially positive outcome as well as your fears. It may take a while to achieve this, and that is perfectly fine.

Find joy.

Yes, you heard me right. There are things you love doing that you can still do, even in isolation. There are precious moments in conversations, nature, interaction with your children, friendship, music, and even feel-good things in social media. Capture those moments and appreciate them. Feel them in your heart. Plant a smile on your face. Allowing yourself to feel the good helps to balance the bad.

Lean on someone.

I’m here for you and so are many other professionals who can help you through these times. Don’t restrict your conversations and your intake of information to the (many) negative factors of Covid-19. This is a time for self-growth. Let’s all come out of this as stronger, kinder, and more emotionally intelligent human beings. Find someone to support you on this journey!

The post That Heart-Wrenching Emotion You’re Feeling? It’s Grief appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

Sleep deprivation is bad, we all know that. When I'm tired I'm not creative, attentive, or focused–I can even fall into a funk (not so good for productivity). As if that's not bad enough, scientific studies show that there’s one more negative side effect to sleep deprivation: memory loss.

Researchers from Northwestern University and Uppsala University in Sweden have found that when people don’t get enough sleep, they start to forget things. When sleep and stress go hand in hand, Northwestern’s Jonathan Cedernaes found, it negatively affects cognitive function.

Cedernaes's studies concluded that when you’re both tired and stressed out, a condition many of us are far too familiar with, your brain is less capable of accessing the knowledge that you’ve got stored away and you rely mainly on muscle memory.

What does this mean for an entrepreneur?

It means that, if you want to be on top of what is going on in your company, you need to get some sleep. You spend your working hours juggling pieces of information, and many of them are crucial to your company’s success. To forget the wrong thing at the wrong time could be a disaster.

Here’s how you can fight back against stress, sleep deprivation, and forgetfulness:

• Recognize the value of a good night’s sleep and schedule your life accordingly! Keep commitments minimal on weekday evenings.
• Get your body ready for sleep by turning off screens. Yes, that means stop looking at your phone, not minutes, but a few hours before you go to bed.
• Minimize your caffeine intake in the afternoons and evenings–just a minimal reduction can make it easier for you to fall asleep at night.
• Establish a morning routine that makes getting out of bed easy and painless.
• Recognize that everyone needs sleep and strive for a workplace culture in which people are encouraged to come to work rested, ready to do their best. If your team is exhausted and stressed from working too hard the night before long, those long hours will backfire on you.
• If you’re really serious about getting enough sleep set up a nap room in your office! A thirty-minute nap will pay for itself ten-fold!

I feel a nap coming on myself!

The post Want to Become a Better Entrepreneur? Get Some Sleep. appeared first on Marla Tabaka.