People often confuse high-achieving behavior with perfectionistic behavior. High achievers are dedicated, determined individuals with a strong desire to accomplish something important to them. Their achievements are not about what others will think of them or a fear of failure; it's to gain personal gratification from their success. On the other hand, people who deem themselves perfectionists are not driven by the pursuit of perfection; the avoidance of failure drives them.rue perfectionists aren't trying to be perfect; they are avoiding not being good enough. This avoidance dictates much of their behavior, and it's linked to depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and even suicide. Paul Hewitt, Ph.D., and psychologist Gordon Flett are two of the most respected researchers of perfectionistic behavior. They say that those who feel social pressure to achieve perfection tend to think that the better they do, the better they are expected to do. And so, the search for absolute perfection never ends.

Are you a high achiever or a perfectionist? Here are seven signs that your pursuit of perfection may put you at risk of depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and, in extreme cases, suicidal thinking.

1. Despite your search for perfection, you never feel perfect.

Dr. Hewitt uses this example of a college student who is also one of his patients and how the student viewed his success. The student was convinced he needed an A+ in a particular course, so he studied hard and aced the class. However, the student became even more depressed and suicidal than he was prior to the end of the semester. “He told me that the A+ was just a demonstration of how much of a failure he was,” says Hewitt. The student argued that if he were perfect, he wouldn't have had to work so hard to get an A+.

2. As a perfectionist, you cannot accept and celebrate your success.

It's never good enough, so you get sucked so far into the details that you become frustrated–even angry. Even when your goal is complete and results in success, you believe you could and should have done it better.

Perfectionists don't acknowledge their wins to the extent of feeling the joy and satisfaction of a job well done. Instead, they find flaws in how they (or others) executed the project. There is always something wrong, even though the outcome is exactly what they wanted.

3. You don't allow yourself any mistakes.

While an individual with a healthy mindset allows for mistakes, an extreme perfectionist doesn't forgive their mistakes. Instead of viewing them as a learning opportunity, you criticize and put pressure on yourself for not predicting a less-than-perfect outcome. You feel inadequate, even stupid, and these feelings preoccupy your mind, often to the point of losing all productivity.

4. You put up a front, insisting everything is perfect.

Perfectionists are intensely afraid of being judged by others. They often want the outside world to view them as being perfect and making perfection easy. Even when your world is a disaster zone, you put up a front to lead others to think it's all just perfect.

5. You avoid taking on challenges that may cause you to fail.

Perfectionists like to stick with what they know. If you're presented with an opportunity that means you'll have to develop more skills or move outside of your comfort zone, you're likely to turn it down. You're afraid you're not smart enough to tackle a new learning curve and will be seen as a failure or let down someone.

6. You believe that your likeability is linked to being perfect.

Personality and positive qualities like honesty, compassion, humor, etc., aren't what perfectionists believe people will like about them. It's not enough to be a wonderful person; you must be perfectly wonderful. You don't allow others to see your flaws, and you most likely talk about your achievements but never your failures.

7. Your life doesn't satisfy you.

Perfectionists cope well in a low-stress environment–so as long as nothing challenges you, you're fine. When was the last time you weren't challenged by life? Right, because nothing is perfect. When life seems unsettled to you, it presents a problem. Anxiety often increases, which offers the illusion that nothing is going well, thereby decreasing life satisfaction.

8. You need help with getting things done on time.

Since perfection is an illusion, the pursuit of perfection is never complete, and neither are your projects. You may get things done, but you constantly battle the decisions and motivation to complete certain things. The “what ifs” and expectation of a negative consequence or result preoccupies you, and the pressure can be overwhelming.

Can you overcome the seemingly never-ending pursuit of perfection?

There's nothing we can't overcome if we put our minds to it. Pay attention to these situations if you occasionally insist on perfection, but it causes excessive stress. I suggest journaling about them to find the shared link. The awareness alone will help you get to the core and figure out what it's all about. Observe how others accept themselves, flaws and all, and assign yourself a few virtual mentors to follow. Learning how successful people built upon their failures instead of hiding from them will help get things into perspective.

Hewitt and Flett say that perfectionism is a risk factor for psychological disorders–not a disorder itself. If it leads to depression, anxiety, or other exhausting mental states, therapy can help. Yes, you can develop a healthy mindset and make life much easier and more rewarding for yourself.

The post 8 Signs You’re a Perfectionist (and Why It’s Toxic to Your Mental Health) appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

Here are the issues I see most often; however, I could list many more! If you recognize any of these tendencies in yourself, you should first know that you’re not alone! The second thing to know is that your business can and will grow if you conquer the inclinations that hold you back.

1. STOP ignoring your numbers.

Numbers are the one thing in life that tell an accurate, consistent story. If your business is struggling, it is certainly easier to ignore the financial facts, but number anxiety and avoidance only create a deeper abyss between you and your success. I’ve had clients who can’t even tell me what it costs to run their business or how much money they have in the bank. There is no shame in this; I get it, but unawareness of these facts is damaging, and the pain of not knowing is usually more profound than the truth behind your numbers.

Bite the bullet. Hire a bookkeeper or accountant and get your books in order. Organizing and understanding your numbers will give you a roadmap for your next steps and help you understand where to put your focus.

2. STOP doubting yourself.

Confidence is at the core of success; self-doubt is your greatest saboteur. It’s natural for confidence to ebb and flow, but if you get stuck in a loop of negative thinking and a lack of confidence, it will undoubtedly hold you back. So what if you fail at something? That’s how we learn and gain wisdom. Have the courage to fail and put the lion’s share of your focus on your many positive achievements.

3. STOP holding on to employees who don’t perform.

You believe it’s easier to have a warm body than to take the time to locate, hire and train a new employee, right? That belief is so, so wrong! I’ve worked with many business owners who’ve made this mistake. When they finally agree to take the leap and let go of an underperforming employee, they berate themselves for not doing it sooner. If the employee is well-meaning, it is even more difficult because now the entrepreneur feels terrible about letting them go. Most people don’t know that if a team member can’t keep up for any reason, they are as unhappy as you are. Release them, free yourself from a damaging situation, and you will both be much happier.

4. STOP accepting clients who are not on brand.

An essential part of your brand is knowing your ideal client. If you’re not clear on that, it would be wise to make it your next priority. Market only to that niche, and don’t step outside of it because you need the money because fear-driven decisions will always backfire. These clients will cause problems, you may not be able to meet their expectations, you won’t enjoy the work, and it will consume more time, keeping you from your ideal clients.

5. STOP avoiding growth strategies.

If you’re putting out fires, working on non-revenue producing tasks, and engaging in what we call, productive procrastination, you will notachieve revenue-generating growth. Such procrastination is usually a consequence of confusion, uncertainty, and fear, not a condition. Your first step is to separate revenue-generating action steps from tasks that are not the work of an entrepreneur. If you must do these other tasks (that’s a whole separate issue), schedule two hours of uninterrupted time to dedicate to them as often as needed throughout your week. Spend the remainder of your day, once again uninterrupted, being an entrepreneur. No excuses, no procrastination.

What’s next?

How can you gain clarity and find solutions to the issues that stand between you and your dreams of further success? It’s unlikely that you’ll do it alone. The good news is you can absolutely make it happen.

Most people believe it’s about buckling down, determination, and struggle. It doesn’t have to be this way. Hire a great coach. Work on yourself first, then your business, not the other way around. It’s your mindset that’s holding you and millions of other entrepreneurs back from the ultimate dream of freedom and happiness. And that, my friend, can be resolved.

The post 5 Growth-Stunting Habits You Must Stop Doing Now appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

Here's why I ask.

We sometimes dislike or become frustrated by aspects of whom we appear to be–or whom we judge ourselves to be–but these qualities aren't always as they appear.

For instance, I've had clients who are very sensitive and empathetic. As a result, they tend to take things personally. They will take on others' problems as their own and procrastinate on essential tasks, either because they worry too much or because they are busy tending to the needs of another.

These sensitive, empathetic qualities can nearly cripple business owners and their business growth when they display as weaknesses. Suppose this individual gets caught up in their fear of being too vulnerable, pleasing everyone, failing, and never being good enough. In that case, they won't take the emotional risks associated with a successful business. That takes a backseat to the fact that they are too busy and exhausted by their emotions to act on these risks.

Another example is the entrepreneur who strives for perfection, so they claim no one can do things right. They pick at every detail to the point of going overboard. Subsequently, this individual engages in self-criticism and frustration because they get nothing of significant value done. The lack of delegation and trust are blinders that keep this entrepreneur from seeing the talents and strengths that others bring to the table.

The flipside to our strengths and weaknesses.

People don't often realize that our weaknesses are often the flip side of our strengths. The very things that hold us back are aspects of a strength that is undervalued or overused. Individuals who are sensitive and empathetic often have the gift of creativity. They can see things that others don't notice. They are curious, so they explore the possibilities missed by others. Creative individuals can diffuse tension and relate well to others. They often make great bosses because of these abilities, and coupled with an innovative mind, they make outstanding entrepreneurs.

Perfectionism, when appearing as a positive quality, allows an individual to pay attention to the smallest detail and see errors and ideas that others won't. They are ambitious and can motivate others. Perfectionists at their best strive to be the best version of themselves and are often envied for their drive and success.

The shadow side of our strengths.

The examples are endless because we all have this “shadow” side of our strengths. When our positive qualities are misdirected or go into overdrive, they shift to the shadow side and become painful and self-defeating.

Imagine a spectrum that is black at one end and white at the other. Our strengths at their best lean toward the white end; our strengths' shadows, or weaknesses, are at the dark end. As you can imagine, many of these personal assets float around somewhere in between the white and black ends of the spectrum, depending on whether we leverage them well or overuse or ignore them.

Understanding this helps us to realize we have choices.

The shadow is not who we are or what defines us. When the shadow takes over, we can flip it around to lean into our strengths and shift our perspective. How do you do that?

Begin by identifying the shadow side of your strengths.

For some, it's easier to identify the flipside of their weaknesses, rather than their strengths. Then try these ideas to nudge your shadows up the spectrum toward being strengths.

Don't hate your shadow.

Your shadow is simply a side of you that you don't see in a helpful, positive light. Resistance, such as frustration or pushing something away, only makes life more challenging. When we allow all aspects of ourselves to be recognized and worked with, we shift from resistance to allowing, which is a much less stressful way of living.

Embrace your strengths!

The shadows that don't serve you have a flip side that makes you an exceptional human being. Focus on those parts of who you are. Journal about what makes you successful (at anything), happy, and healthy.

Celebrate your successes.

We often deny our strengths and make excuses for why we can't be better. Push away the “yeah but” tendencies and celebrate even the most minor success. When I point out a win to some of my clients, they predictably say, “yeah, but (add criticism here). The more you recognize and celebrate, the more you believe in yourself.

Don't let someone steal your internal locus of control.

If you feel happy about a situation, don't let someone else's viewpoint or actions steal your joy. Put your reaction in a box and come back to it later if you must. Your qualities, perseverance, and talents are responsible for your success; no one can take that from you. Don't, for instance, let a reaction from one client affect how you work with the next one. Maintain your confidence.

Live less in the shadow.

When your strengths are in overdrive, and your actions are not productive and helpful, stop to recognize what you're doing. Take a deep breath and ask yourself how to elevate your talent or quality to live in or closer to the white. If you're being overly perfectionistic to the point of generating stress, get real with yourself. What is perfect to you may be flawed to another, so there is no such thing as perfect.

Choose your reactions and actions intentionally.

Make a different choice than being victim to the less productive end of the spectrum (the shadow). When something upsets you, do your best to be optimistic instead of going into an anxious, “what if” response. When the shadow is at work you may get caught up in catastrophizing the situation. Be careful of exaggerating the impact of any problems that arise. Understanding that you can choose your behavior is empowering so put more intention into your thoughts and actions.

B!tch slap anxiety.

Yes, you read that right. Be kind and understanding of feelings like fear and worry. On the flip side, you want to be firm with your anxiety. Anxiety is not a feeling; it's a hard-wired physical reaction to your mind's response to something. Tell your anxiety to take a hike, take a deep breath, and talk to yourself or journal about your concerns and worries. Choose. healthy distraction from your anxiety. Leverage your strengths in every situation.

The post Stuck? In Your Own Way? This Is Important for You to Know appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

And then, when the moment would come for my interview to begin, I would sit down opposite the host and my upbeat, passionate personality would switch on like a lightbulb. I would speak confidently, powerfully, and authentically.

“So why, Marla,” I one day asked myself, “Why do you put yourself through weeks of misery to do something that is so natural for you?” And then, “How can I possibly shorten or eliminate this cycle of stress and anxiety before a speaking engagement?”

Today, as I await airtime, I'm excited and eager to have a platform where I can tell my story and perhaps help a few people move closer to their dreams. I did some preparation, of course, but it was fast and easy. I've had no stress, no anxiety, no cottonmouth.

What do you get anxious about doing? Public speaking, pitching your products or services? Attending meetings and networking engagements? Do you pour hours, days, or weeks of stress into projects that usually turn out just fine, despite your fears? You're not alone.

Tips to eliminate or decrease stress.

How can you calm your anxious fears? Begin with a review of the facts. For my speaking anxiety, I examined some of my past engagements and listed their positive aspects. Things like audience response (always good), how I felt on stage (alive and passionate), the event coordinator's reaction (very complimentary), the number of people who waited to speak to me after the event (often, a line formed). Once armed with my reality list (versus the B.S. I made up in my fear-brain), I began the process of managing my pre-stage stress cycle.

Keep track of your stress relief progress.

When you challenge yourself to shorten or eliminate your stress cycle, you must know if you're succeeding. Create a visual way to log your progression, like a spreadsheet or journal.

• How long do you dwell, worry, and procrastinate about your upcoming event?
• How stressful is this for you?
• In what ways does stress impact your life?
• Does it create tension in your body and make you constantly anxious?
• Does it show up in your mood and the way you treat yourself and others?
• Does it preoccupy you to the point that other things get put on hold?

Replace your made-up stories (B.S. thinking) with facts.

I call this process Bullshift™. You see, our minds love a good story. As we dwell on the scary parts of an important step, like a presentation, phone call, or meeting, our brains entertain us with false tales of looming failure. A written list of supportive facts can sweep in like a knight in shining armor. When you imagine yourself freezing like a deer in headlights, ask yourself if that's ever happened to you (probably not). Then look at your list to read about a time you aced a presentation. That's the story to focus upon. For every negative thought, train yourself to think about something from your list. Take the B.S. stories in your head and Bullshift™ them to empowering thoughts and facts. This process actually rewires your brain!

Beat procrastination caused by your stress.

Let's say you have a presentation coming up in 2 weeks. You've already spent a week freaking out about it or shoving it down into your procrastination space.  Go for a fast walk or another activity to get your physical energy moving. Physical activity creates a positive shift in your body, which also adjusts your mood. Now, sit down to complete one step on your presentation. Odds are, once you get moving, you will do more.

Talk to your business coach or someone else who will support you.

Talking about your fears is beneficial in many ways. For starters, it helps you to hear the B.S. that your brain is making up and gives you the opportunity to Bullshift™ it. If you speak with someone who knows you well (your business coach, mentor, a good friend), they will remind you of your truth. Immediately after your conversation, get to work. Don't give your brain the time to shift gears back to the negative.

Notice what mindset strategies work best for you.

Keep track of how you feel and what you achieve after doing each of these steps. Does talking to someone help immensely, or did it feel as though it increased your stress? Did you ask the right person to be your sounding board? How did you feel after exercising? Did it clear your mind? Find the actions that work best and keep doing them.

Repeat these mindset exercises often and continue to keep track of your success.

I performed this process through about 4-5 stressful experiences, spanning nearly six months. But I kept track and watched my stress cycle decrease in time and intensity. Remain focused and committed. Add other activities that help lower your stress and increase your productivity.

Acquire new tools, like EFT Tapping.

My television appearance was a local engagement. If I were on a national morning show, my stress level would have been much higher, naturally! However, these tools, along with my Secret Weapon, decrease that stress to a manageable level.  Learn more about my Secret Weapon, the Emotional Freedom Techniques (a.k.a., EFT or Tapping) here.

Keep working on reducing your cycle of stress and celebrate even the smallest win.

The post How to Decrease Stress Related to Speaking, Pitching, Selling, and More appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

Entrepreneurs tend to get down on themselves for putting things off, so when a business owner develops a habit of procrastination, it will eventually damage the business–and the psyche. It's worthwhile to get to the root of this problem, rather than steep in blame and shame.

You may believe you have a time management issue, but you'd be wrong–sort of. Procrastination does lead to time management issues, but that's only a symptom of the bigger picture.

And, nope, it's not laziness; some of my most ambitious, successful clients used to procrastinate (oh, and I've done my share of it too), so it's not that.

What is procrastination? It's usually a stress response, not a time management issue or a blasé faire attitude. We all know that being an entrepreneur can be stressful, and it gets even worse if you're unclear and/or unhappy about your vision and goals.

Procrastination can get out of control.

Have you noticed that the longer you put something off, the more difficult it is to get it done? More things pile on, and you're too deep to climb out before you know it. This results in something called the procrastination accumulation effect. The resulting stress may include feelings of inadequacy, guilt about what is left undone, and fear of failure.

Ok, Marla, I'm stressed out, and I procrastinate. Now what? I have one word for you: Clarity!

Do you know what your vision is? Are you confident about its viability? Do you have a step-by-step plan to achieve your goals? If you don't know where you're going, you can't possibly get there. Of course, you will get lost in some form of procrastination. You may engage in busy work and not use your time efficiently. Odds are, if you haven't gotten really clear on your vision, model, strategy, values, and passion by now, you probably won't. Not until you get qualified help (raising my hand!) to create clarity and a plan.

Procrastination may be a sign that you hate what you do.

One of the leading causes of stress in entrepreneurs is a lack of money, which means they believe they can't afford hiring or outsourcing. You've taken on so much of the work required to keep the business going that you don't have the time to grow your business. It's frustrating that you procrastinate on this tedious work because it's not what you were born to do. It would help if you had clarity here too.

In reality, the savings that you associate with doing the work yourself is an illusion. If you had an extra 20-hours a week to work on growth, could you increase your revenue? Sure, you could. Spend your time focusing on the work that drives profits, and you'll be able to bankroll a part-time person before long.

Self-doubt and fear lead to procrastinative habits.

Fear is at the root of stress-related behavior, including procrastination. If you didn't have anxiety (or perhaps subconscious worries), you would have already achieved your vision or gotten close to it by now, right?

Imposter Syndrome feeds procrastination.

Many entrepreneurs suffer from Imposter Syndrome. Therefore, they procrastinate because it wards off any risk of being exposed to the negative consequences that they perceive as inevitable. Again, this is common and normal–there is nothing wrong with you.

Fortunately, the stigma associated with therapy and coaching has finally shifted. Entrepreneurs understand that they should not be on their journey alone. Whether you work with a coach and/or a therapist, your odds of success will exponentially increase once you believe in yourself and your vision. Let's get to work!

The post Procrastination Making You Miserable? This is Just What You Need appeared first on Marla Tabaka.