It’s not something you find in a spreadsheet or strategy session. It’s the subconscious pattern behind how we respond to change, pressure, conflict, tough decisions, or even success. Your emotional strategy shows up in the heat of the moment—when a plan unravels, when feedback stings, or when uncertainty looms. It’s the subconscious pattern behind how we respond to change, pressure, conflict, tough decisions, or even success.

Everyone has an emotional strategy, but here’s the kicker: most people have never taken the time to examine theirs.

As a leader, understanding your own emotional strategy—and helping your team understand theirs—is one of the most underrated tools for building a strong, emotionally intelligent workplace. In fact, I’d argue it’s essential for sustainable leadership and personal growth.

What Is an Emotional Strategy?

An emotional strategy is your go-to emotional response when you're triggered, challenged, or stretched.

It’s the inner program that runs when things don’t go according to plan:

• Do you get defensive?
• Do you shut down?
• Do you take on too much?
• Do you fixate on worst-case scenarios?
• Do you lash out, people-please, or blame others?

These emotional responses aren’t flaws—they’re strategies your brain has learned over time to stay safe. The trouble comes when they go unexamined. What may have helped you survive earlier in life can sabotage your ability to lead, grow, and thrive today. Think of it as your operating system for handing emotions.

Why Emotional Strategy Matters in Leadership

Leadership isn’t just about vision, execution, and results. It’s also about regulation, communication, and modeling the emotional tone for your team.

Leaders with unexamined emotional strategies tend to:

• React impulsively rather than respond thoughtfully
• Create emotionally unsafe environments for themselves and their team (even unintentionally)
• Avoid difficult conversations
• Misinterpret their team’s behavior as laziness or incompetence

Leaders who understand their emotional strategy tend to:

• Pause before reacting
• Lead with empathy and clarity
• Create space for others to grow through mistakes
• Model emotional resilience during change and uncertainty

In other words: when you know your emotional strategy, you stop being run by it.

How to Identify Your Emotional Strategy (and Others’)

Self-awareness is the first step. Start by observing your emotional patterns in challenging moments. Ask yourself:

• What emotions come up most often under pressure? (Fear, anger, shame, overwhelm?)
• What do I tend to do next? (Withdraw, control, blame, fix, freeze?)
• Where did I learn this pattern? (Was it modeled for me by a parent, mentor, or early boss?)
• Is this strategy still working for me—or is it keeping me stuck?

To spot emotional strategies in others, watch for:

• Repeating patterns when things go wrong
• Reactions that seem out of proportion
• Avoidance of certain tasks or conversations
• Emotional shutdown. blaming, or over-explaining

Once you’ve identified a pattern, don’t label or diagnose—get curious.

How to Talk About Emotional Operating Systems with Your Team

Helping someone explore their emotional strategy is a gift—but it requires trust, tact, and timing.

Here’s how to approach it:

1. Lead with Empathy and Ownership

“I’ve noticed that when we’re in tight deadlines, I tend to get anxious and over-function. I’ve been working on that. I’m also wondering how that dynamic plays out for you?”

1. Use Neutral, Observational Language

“In a few meetings now, I’ve noticed that when feedback gets tense, you get really quiet. That’s not wrong or bad—I just want to check in. What’s going on for you in those moments?”

1. Ask Open-Ended Questions
   • “What’s your internal response when projects take a sharp turn?”
   • “What’s your first instinct under pressure?”
   • “What kind of support helps you the most when things feel chaotic?”
2. Normalize the Conversation

“We all have emotional patterns—we're just trying to bring more awareness to them so we can grow stronger as a team.”

Practical Ways to Improve Your Emotional Operating System

• Practice the Pause
  Create a habit of taking 3–5 deep breaths before responding to emotionally charged situations. I call this, Practicing the Pause.
• Use Reflective Journaling
  Encourage team members (and yourself) to write down what they felt and how they reacted after high-stress events. Pattern recognition begins here.
• Debrief After the Storm
  After challenges, ask: “How did we handle that emotionally?” not just “What did we learn operationally?”
• Offer Emotional Vocabulary Training
  The better your team can name their emotions, the less likely they are to be ruled by them. (“I feel overwhelmed” is more productive than “I’m just pissed.”)
• Model Repair Conversations
  Leaders who admit when their emotional strategy took over—and talk about how they’re growing—create a culture of safety and self-awareness.

Final Thought: Everyone Has a Strategy—Few Know It

Emotional intelligence isn’t just about staying calm or being nice. It’s about understanding how your emotions operate and helping others do the same.

The emotional strategy you and your team bring into work each day is either helping or hindering your growth. The good news? These strategies are adaptable. They’re based on wiring—but wiring can be rewired.

Start the conversation. Model the awareness. Make emotional growth part of the strategy—not just the culture.

The post Emotional Strategy: The Secret to Better Leadership and Team Performance appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

We know that stress builds upon stress. The longer you allow stress to run your thoughts, actions, and behaviors, the more it becomes your default setting. You wake up in the morning, and your brain instantly searches for what is wrong in your life rather than right. Your mind cannot focus on the joyful aspects of life; your kids, friends and family, good health, or whatever you treasure. Before you know it, stress dictates your decisions, and happiness takes a back seat to worry, fear, and anxiety. Not an excellent way to live—for you or the people who love and care for you.

It's time to increase your happiness factor!

While we know that proper diet and exercise, going to a therapist, taking vacations, being present in the moment, and all the other things that are good for us decrease stress, they all require life change. Today's happiness-inducing tips take seconds to minutes, and that's all. You can incorporate these little actions into your life without interrupting your day. These new habits are simple to attain yet powerful. Refrain from dismissing these little gems as too easy to be true and effective!

Happiness comes with a smile.

That's right. Endless research shows that the simple act of an ear-to-ear smile immediately impacts your state of mind. You see, a smile spurs a chemical reaction in the brain, releasing certain hormones, including dopamine and serotonin, the happiness hormones. When you smile, your brain automatically assumes something humorous is happening and responds accordingly. And here's more good news: your brain doesn't know if you're smiling because you genuinely feel happy or if you're pretending. That's right, fake it until you make it.

Does your brain come to life in the morning with stressful thoughts, dread, frustration, or fear? Interrupt that pattern with an ear-to-ear smile. Okay, it may feel goofy to lie in bed smiling at the ceiling, but I kid you not; it's extremely effective. Give it a try! And when you're ready to take things to the next level, find something to laugh about!

Increase happiness when you put a little vacation in every day.

I felt a sinking sensation during my corporate years before I got on the commuter train each morning. It was as though my life wasn't my own once I boarded that train. One day I realized that, between being a single mom and working a demanding job, I had very little of my own time, so of course, I dreaded going to work. So, I decided to change that feeling, even for only a few minutes a day.

I began leaving the house 20 minutes early (no small feat with stunt-loving toddler twins around), but I made it happen. I used that 20 minutes at my morning commute's front or back end. Sometimes, I stopped in the little coffee shop at the station and either laughed and chatted with the owners and other customers or took my coffee to a bench under a tree. There, I focused on the feel-good aspect of being alone; the sweet sound of the birds talking or whatever made my heart feel good.

Other times, I would go out of my way to walk along Lake Michigan to get to work. I would stop in the satellite department store near the train station downtown or browse in a bookshop—things I would do if I were on vacation.

Now, I work from home. I take frequent 5-minute breaks to gaze into my beautiful koi pond or even pull a few weeds (it's meditative!). I'll play with one of our pets or laugh over something silly with my daughters. Other times I'll stop in the middle of the day for something more time-consuming: a massage, a long walk in the woods, a pedicure, or a bit of retail therapy.

I refer to these mini breaks as my way to put a little vacation in every day. This time reminds you that you can escape the stress and daily demands to make yourself feel special and at peace. Make it a rule. Put a little vacation in each and every day!

Show some gratitude.

If a pill could simulate the effects of gratitude, everyone would be taking it. Again, there are countless studies on gratitude's mental and physical benefits. We know that feeling thankful can improve sleep, mood, and immunity. Gratitude can decrease depression, anxiety, chronic pain difficulties, and disease risk.

Gratitude and happiness go hand in hand. But I'm not talking about a robotic recital of a gratitude list. We're all (hopefully) grateful for the important and good things in our lives. Make your gratitude memorable with this simple practice.

Step one is to actively look for simple things that bring joy to your heart. This step requires intention and practice, but this gratitude practice will retrain your brain to focus on the good rather than the stressful stuff.

If you leave the house for an errand or a walk (Walk your dogs! It's a great break for both of you!), watch for the simple things that bring you a moment of pleasure: a beautiful flower, a sweet interaction between a parent and child, a pleasant smell in the air. These are simple pleasures you're looking for, nothing big and life-changing.

You get the idea. This exercise is a highly effective way to practice being present in the moment and teach your brain to seek happiness, not misery.

Step two in the gratitude exercise:

Spend just 5-minutes every night recording your moments of pleasure in a gratitude journal. No cheating! Again, this isn't about the things that you're grateful for; this is about seeking out simple reasons for happiness. You don't have to write a book; a basic sentence or two is perfect.

As you record these special moments, allow your heart to feel them all over again. Going to bed happy provides many benefits, including a more peaceful night's sleep.

Perform random acts of kindness.

I was checking out at Trader Joe's (one of my happy places) a couple of weeks ago. The cashier was a young woman who happily chatted with each customer and did her job joyfully. I don't recall the questions I asked her, but I learned that this happy woman worked three jobs! I asked when she found time for rest, and she responded, “Girl! I've got goals; the time for rest is later!” She went on to say that she loves all of her jobs and is saving so she has the financial means to make her dreams come true.

I was so taken with this magical personality that I went home, grabbed some cash, put it in an envelope with a little note, and returned to the store to give it to her. I told her it was my small way of contributing to her dreams. I can't get the image of her joyful spirit out of my mind. I'm still riding this roller coaster two weeks later.

Along with your gratitude practice, keep your eyes open for small ways to be there for someone else:

• Help someone put groceries in their car.
• Send an employee home early as a special treat.
• Show your appreciation to someone amazing.
• Put a little love note in your child's lunch.
• Surprise a friend by leaving flowers on their doorstep.

Get silly and move!

Just like a smile, shifting your physical state of stress invites your body and brain to feel good. What we call a state change in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) means to change your body radically – to move into a powerful state. Change your posture, facial expression, and breathing. Move to another room, or stand up and strike a Superman pose!

When I began public speaking, I was petrified. It was about more than just getting up on a stage but about creating a presentation powerful enough for an audience to appreciate and benefit from. My anxiety would put a freeze on my creativity. In fact, it crippled my brain! So, I put my knowledge to work. Here are a few of the exercises; they are simple (even goofy) yet effective.

When you're overwhelmed to the point of being frozen, shift to an empowering state to generate happiness and confidence.

Stand tall, and walk around the room while reciting empowering affirmations. Use a strong, confident voice and your hands and arms to accentuate the words. Here are some of the affirmations I used. Before long, I didn't need to do this exercise because I trained my brain to know I was confident, experienced, and strong.

Short and simple affirmations for happiness and confidence.

• I AM an expert!
• I bring value to my audience (or whatever you're doing)!
• I am a great entrepreneur!
• I have everything it takes to succeed at this!
• My voice is powerful and knowing!
• I am confident, capable, and wise!

Remember, use your body, exaggerate your movements, and emphasize key words in your affirmations.

Baby steps. That's all it takes to bring a bit of joy and happiness to your heart. Don't wait for success, don't think you have to make massive life changes. Keep it simple and do it now.

The post Happiness Matters. 5 Fast and Easy Ways to Increase Your Happiness Factor appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

So, here's the story.

Italy was, without a doubt, a trip of a lifetime; however, during the final week, I needed to step up my coping mechanisms to make a difficult adjustment. After three glorious weeks of taking in Italy's spectacular cities and countryside with my brother, Gary, and sister-in-law, Rose, I was excited to experience Rome. The Colosseum, the Forum, the Vatican, the Trevi Fountain, and so much more were awaiting; however, the Universe had different plans for me.

Setbacks happen.

On our final night in Sorrento before traveling to Rome, I sprained my ankle and injured my knee in a nasty fall. It could have been so much worse as I fell hard from the steps onto a marble landing. Still, it hurt like hell! It's a bad sprain, made worse by the knee injury on the opposite leg.

Different personality types respond to setbacks in different ways.

What do you think your initial reaction would've been if you were in my situation? Here's how it went for me.

Immediately after the fall, my initial questions were what most people would ask themselves. How bad is it? Can I move? In how many places am I injured? And then, how will I get up from down here?

After that, I moved on to thoughts similar to what you'd experience for an empathy-driven individual in this situation.

• Oh no, how awful for Gary and Rose to have seen me fall like that.
• Now their trip is going to be ruined.
• Gary had paid for the tours, and now I can't take them; what a waste of money.
• I'm going to slow them down, and I'll be a burden.
• What if I need medical care? That will ruin everything for them!
• I don't want them to worry about me on their vacation!

These fears were a lot to process, and I became overwhelmed and anxious. The fall and all these initial thoughts happened in less than a minute, and I quickly realized the need to access my coping skills, so on went the coach hat. (This was all before I even got off the ground!)

Once I was standing, with the help of my brother, I immediately acknowledged to myself that I was projecting. “If roles were reversed and I witnessed one of them experience a bad fall, would I be thinking about the remainder of my trip being ruined,” I asked myself. The answer was no. I would be deeply concerned for the injured person and think about what I could do to help them. With this shift in perspective, my panic receded, and I could focus on what I needed.

The lesson:

When a setback involves others, don't project. You have no idea how they are feeling or what their thoughts are, and there will be plenty of time to work out the details later. Take care of yourself first and ask for what you need.

Of course, this coach would have more opportunities to turn her skills inward. By the next morning, the pain and swelling worsened in the ankle and the knee. I was alone at the AirBnB and began worrying that I might need medical attention. Would my insurance cover it? Where would I go, and how would I get down the awful stairs lurking just outside the door? Would anyone speak English at the medical center? What would happen if I waited for medical care until I got home a week from now? If there's a fracture, will it be too late to treat it?

As you can see, the negative voices in my head were working overtime. My body became tense all over, and I felt highly agitated. That's when the coach voice took over and told me loud and clear that I was catastrophizing. I was less than a day in; of course, the injuries will get worse before they get better. “Give it time,” I told myself.

I used deep breathing methods to ground myself and shifted states by moving to a different room to distract myself with a bit of television. In addition, I used EFT to quiet the negative voices.

The lesson:

The human brain quickly goes down the path of catastrophic thinking, but your body will alert you when your worrisome brain goes into overdrive. You will experience things like anxiety, tenseness, stomach upset, and headaches. When you receive these signals, stop to ask yourself, “Do any of these manufactured predictions of the future need to be addressed immediately?” And “Do I know–for an absolute fact–that any of these awful things will happen?” The answers are: probably not and no.

In the subsequent phases of adjustment to my unfortunate reality, my brain changed directions, and I began to feel sorry for myself. Here I am, on my dream vacation, stuck in a small apartment with no view and a dangerous stairway. I would miss the spectacular pieces of ancient history I've waited a lifetime to see. I felt angry, sad, and lonely.

With my coach hat on again, I asked myself, “If you must stay in this room for several days, is this how you want to feel?” The answer was absolutely not. I could do nothing to change the situation, so how could I improve it?

I'll admit that even after I put some work into my mindset, some of the sadness remained, but the anger and grief were no longer amplified by it. It's natural to feel a bit sorry for yourself in such situations; I believe anyone would. But I would not let my feelings bring me down to the point of constant misery. So, I created goals and a plan. What entrepreneur doesn't feel better with goals and action steps in place?

First, practice gratitude.

I fell from the steps down onto the solid stone. I could have broken something or many somethings! I could have hit my head or fallen flat on my face. It could have been a truly catastrophic event. I am grateful that my injuries are relatively minor and will heal. I have two caring people with me who would look after me. I created a long list of “I'm really lucky” statements. Gratitude makes everything feel better!

Second, practice acceptance.

• I was in a disappointing situation and could not change it, but I could make the best of it, so I looked for the good.
• Gary and Rose would have some time alone in Rome. I'm sure that feels good to them.
• I brought my iPad, books, and iPhone. I could always find things to do, like writing this post while the facts and feelings were still fresh on my mind. (Although I didn't post it until I returned home.)
• I hadn't watched a movie in quite some time. Who gets to lay around in Rome and watch television? It's a new experience.

Third, expedite my healing.

I studied information online about healing a bad ankle sprain. Unfortunately, the apartment had no freezer, so there was no ice. Yet, ice is crucial to healing. I asked Gary and Rose to get those ice packs you snap to release a cold gel. Not ideal, but better than nothing.

I'd kept the ankle wrapped and elevated and put some magic Italian gel on it. I massaged it, and the knee, several times a day. On the third day, I began basic stretching and other exercises.

Last on the list: Set goals.

I know myself well. No matter what it took, I needed to leave the apartment after a full day inside. Once I got out for an hour or two, I could face another day inside if I continued to work at it. So, on the second morning, I met those challenging stairs with Gary's assistance. He and Rose then escorted me to a cafe where I began this article and sipped a delicious cappuccino while they painstakingly searched Rome for a cane. Later in the day, we took a short walk to a lovely historic restaurant and had a fun evening. I felt much better. On the third morning, I stayed at the Airbnb to rest my ankle, and that evening we attended our after-hours tour of the Vatican Museum and Sistine Chapel. It was a lot of walking and a ton of stairs, but I had a cane and a lot of determination, so I did it, and it was spectacular. A stoic guard even took mercy on me and invited us to ride in a secret elevator!

I continued to motivate myself by adjusting any negative thoughts to a positive mindset and spent my final two days in Italy seeing the sites. I walked miles a day on a badly sprained ankle and crooked cobblestone. It was slow but sure, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Having tools, creating processes, and fine-tuning your mindset can help you through a challenging setback. You don't have to be a professional coach to shape your negative thoughts into a positive vision and a plan to fit any situation. Use the following list as a guide to turn those sour lemons into delicious lemonade. (Oh, Italy has the best lemons, especially in Sorrento!)

• Be kind to yourself and avoid condemning your actions and choices.
• Acknowledge your feelings instead of pushing them down.
• Ask yourself questions like the ones I mentioned in this article.
• Pay attention when you're projecting or catastrophizing. Bring your thoughts back to reality.
• Figure out a plan to make the best of what you've got and to give yourself something to look forward to.
• Use this article as a template you can customize to your needs!

Two weeks after returning home, I don't reflect on a trip ruined by a sprained ankle. I look back at a dream come true and the beauty and richness of Italy. I remember being on the Mediterranean and dining in family-owned restaurants with a plate of homemade pasta and freshly caught shellfish. I think of the memories we created and spending precious time with two people I love. The ankle incident proved my strength and my family member's patience and kindness.

Do I wish the fall had never happened? Of course, I do; the darn ankle still stings, but I also feel proud of the coping mechanisms I put to work. The beautiful memories will far outlast the discomfort and inconvenience of what could have been a far worse incident. And, as my brother says, now I have a story to tell!

The post Here’s How I Just Changed a Shocking Experience to a Manageable Setback appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

The details are in the devil.

This old idiom alludes that something may seem simple, but in fact the details are complicated and likely to cause problems. For business owners in Italy, the details are most definitely complex, but some may find disappointment should they choose to come to the US to live out the American Dream. One of the reasons I feel that's true is that Italians, like most, believe that success is hard and you must struggle your way through it alone.

Entrepreneurial Success is Hard.

As a coach, I've learned that the familiar refrain, “Success is hard,” is a shared belief system among entrepreneurs, and we certainly experience hard times. The path to success isn't always easy, but it doesn't have to be a living hell either.

During our stay in Verona, Italy, we toured Dante's Inferno. We had an excellent guide who shared the lore of Dante's grueling travels through hell and purgatory to find his way to Heaven. The young guide told us that one of the greatest sins for those destined for hell is the refusal to ask for help. It's pride, he told us, and it's a lack of desire to achieve something meaningful. “Strong, positive desires point us toward heaven,” he said.

That said, Dante's great need and desire to find his one true love, Beatrice, kept him strong and determined enough to climb the treacherous path from hell and graduate through the levels of purgatory to the Garden of Eden, and Beatrice, in Heaven.

Being an Entrepreneur Should Not Feel Lonely.

As a coach of twenty years, I have learned that the entrepreneur who attempts to travel alone on their path to success experiences more hard times than those who are wise enough to look to coaches and mentors for help along the way. Business owners who finally come to me for help have often reached the point where owning a business truly feels like a living hell.

This article is not intended to be a lesson in religion but to translate these religious beliefs into a powerful metaphor for the human journey, most certainly the entrepreneurial journey.

Trusting Others is a Healthier Choice Than Doing Everything Yourself.

One of the greatest challenges entrepreneurs face in growth stage is to trust. Trust the guidance of an experienced mentor or coach, trust employees to take over parts of the operation, and trust themselves to find the success they seek. Dante, I thought, was like an entrepreneur practicing free will and learning about the power of choice. The tormented Italian poet could ask for help, assist others in the journey, and remain determined to reach his destination. The alternative choices would be to travel alone, unaided by fellow travelers, unwilling to lend a helping hand, and possibly give up the journey altogether or fail. Either way, each choice has its consequences, some desirable, some not so much.

We are here on earth to learn and grow; there's no denying that. Every missed opportunity and denial of support caused by stubbornness and refusal to change keep us in our metaphorical hell or purgatory. When entrepreneurs feel stuck and don't seek help, they deny the human right to choose freedom from these punitive environments and experiences. It's first important to acknowledge that you don't know everything you need to know to reach your intended destination. It's imperative to understand that asking for help does not make us weak or less than. With a strong desire to achieve, virtually everything is possible unless we attempt to do it alone.

Sometimes, Being Alone is a Selfish Choice.

As entrepreneurs struggle with daily challenges and financial woes, the act of going it alone could be misconstrued as a selfish one. Why? Because we then deny yet another human right to achieve our desires. And, because it's not only you who suffers. Think of those around you, people who care for you, and what they must be going through as they watch you suffer. Ask yourself, “How are the people I love affected by my current position?” Also, think of the people who want to help. Consider not only those close to you but coaches like me. There is no greater joy and privilege than working with a client who is open to receiving help, eager to succeed, and willing to change. Watching entrepreneurs journey to their idea of Heaven is one of the most thrilling experiences of my life. It's the same for your family and friends who want to witness you living your dream.

***Contact me to explore if I can help you to reach your entrepreneurial dream!***

You get to choose!

Is it time to exercise your freedom to choose? Because, yes, it is possible to choose success over failure. Through my experience of owning businesses, living life as I choose, and witnessing countless entrepreneurs decide to open their minds to change, I will tell you that you don't have to struggle and suffer. If your business model is truly viable, yet success alludes you, it only means that you are missing the answers that lie within you. It takes an outside perspective to help you find those answers and open the path to learning and growing.

Dante eventually landed in Heaven with his beloved Beatrice because he had a dream and allowed his fellow travelers to support him. He chose to aid others as he could and believed in the group's ability to reach Heaven, despite the temptations of crippling whispers from the devil. We all hear those whispers. Perhaps not from the devil, but the whispers of our inner critic that tell us to stop, give up, and deny our strengths, gifts, and talents. Don't listen to that voice, no matter how loud and ugly it gets. Instead, learn how to silence the damaging soundtracks, seek assistance in your growth journey, and believe in your ability to get there!

The post When Life as an Entrepreneur Feels Like a Living Hell, Metaphorical Inspiration appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

If you're familiar with the “head slap” made famous by NCIS character Leroy Jethro Gibbs, you know that this non-injurious action is usually meant as a reminder when a team member violates one of the Gibbs rules. Gibbs's rules originated from his first wife, Shannon Gibbs when she told him at their first meeting that “Everyone needs a code they can live by.”

I have my own rules as well. I call them the Tabaka No-Fail Rules for Leadership Excellence. The Rules are born out of my personal and professional growth experiences and that of my clients. So much of the angst (and failure) that leaders experience is due to poor choices and a lack of clarity around values and vision. Much of their loss and regret could be prevented if business owners would carve out the time to identify their values, vision, and company culture.

So here, my friends, are my Rules. Live and lead by them, and the successful, influential trailblazer in you will take you far in life and business.

1. Take responsibility; never, ever place blame elsewhere.
2. If you want to control your future, let go of the control.
3. Learn to be a strong communicator. No, this does not mean sending a lot of text messages.
4. Listen, don't judge.
5. Don't make excuses; when it comes to being a respectable leader, there are none.
6. Never forget that your team, not your product, not your bank account, is your number-one asset.
7. Give your team the tools and freedom to be extraordinary. There is no better investment.
8. If you promise to do something, do it–and do it well.
9. Let your ego know that it's really smart to surround yourself with people who know more than you do.
10. To work with a coach or mentor is a sign of a successful mindset, not a weakness.
11. Consciously build an intentional culture and powerful company culture. Otherwise, it will build itself…and you will not like the results!
12. If you consistently work through the night, you're doing something wrong.
13. Employee meetings are not a disruption, waste of time, or inconvenience. If you feel that way, it only means you don’t know how to run them.
14. Never enter into a 50-50 partnership.
15. Do not launch a product without doing market research that goes well beyond family and friends.
16. Before you even think about stepping into a leadership role, define and understand your values. Otherwise, you have no road map to lead yourself or others to success.
17. You are only as successful as you believe you are. Mindset is everything.
18. Don't think your idea is excellent because you believe in it and have worked hard for it. It's only great if your customers believe in it too.
19. Honesty is a code to live by; choose your words carefully.
20. If you think it's time to quit, it probably is.
21. Make friends with your numbers, even if you don't like them very much.
22. Don't jump into a partnership because you're excited. Partner because you have a great idea, the combined skills to make it happen, and a viable plan in place. Then see a business lawyer.
23. Always stay in check on social media. Yes, even on your personal accounts.
24. Don't take advice from people who haven't been there, done it, and succeeded.
25. Only borrow money from friends and family who are willing to lose every penny of it and not hold it against you.
26. Build your personal brand even if you think you don't matter to your customers–because you do.
27. Don't wear your overwhelming schedule as a badge of honor. Be proud when you can get everything done and have plenty of time to enjoy life.
28. It's only a failure if you beat yourself up for it instead of learning from it.
29. You have to believe in yourself before anyone else will.
30. It's alright to have self-doubt. It's not alright to let it consume you.
31. Experiencing fear is natural and normal. Allowing it to keep you from your dreams is just sad.
32. Don't make the mistake of believing you can be a full-time parent and achieve your business success on the timeline of a single person.
33. Stop saying there's never enough time; there is if you stop doing the things that a real entrepreneur doesn't do.
34. Know your strengths, and don't dwell on your weaknesses. Just hire someone to fill in the gaps.
35. If you believe you can't afford to do something to the betterment of your business, then you can't—and never will.
36. When stress is getting the best of you, focus on helping someone else.
37. The customer may always be right, but they are not your ideal customer if they cost you more than they pay you.
38. There is nothing in the world worth missing your kid's birthday for.
39. Only make friends with your employees if you can put on the boss hat and not feel guilty or uncomfortable in it.
40. If you can't trust your employees, it's for one of two reasons: You are too controlling or don't know how to hire right.
41. Ask interview questions that will tell you if your candidate is a good culture fit. Most skills can be taught. Personality, not so much.
42. Take care of you first and you'll have the energy and clear-headedness to take good care of your company.
43. Meditation isn't just for hippies anymore.
44. Never forget the healing power of laughter.
45. If you hold on to poor performers, you are the one who needs improvement.
46. Don't exhaust yourself grabbing at nickels and dimes. Know where the real profit comes from.
47. Always give back.
48. If you're in it just for the money, you'll never know true success.
49. Without a vision, you can't get there. But remember, your vision matures as you do.
50. Angel investors aren't really angels.
51. Don't shut off your emotions. They aren't in the way; they are there to help pave the way.

The post 51 Rules for Leadership Excellence appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

People often confuse high-achieving behavior with perfectionistic behavior. High achievers are dedicated, determined individuals with a strong desire to accomplish something important to them. Their achievements are not about what others will think of them or a fear of failure; it's to gain personal gratification from their success. On the other hand, people who deem themselves perfectionists are not driven by the pursuit of perfection; the avoidance of failure drives them.rue perfectionists aren't trying to be perfect; they are avoiding not being good enough. This avoidance dictates much of their behavior, and it's linked to depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and even suicide. Paul Hewitt, Ph.D., and psychologist Gordon Flett are two of the most respected researchers of perfectionistic behavior. They say that those who feel social pressure to achieve perfection tend to think that the better they do, the better they are expected to do. And so, the search for absolute perfection never ends.

Are you a high achiever or a perfectionist? Here are seven signs that your pursuit of perfection may put you at risk of depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and, in extreme cases, suicidal thinking.

1. Despite your search for perfection, you never feel perfect.

Dr. Hewitt uses this example of a college student who is also one of his patients and how the student viewed his success. The student was convinced he needed an A+ in a particular course, so he studied hard and aced the class. However, the student became even more depressed and suicidal than he was prior to the end of the semester. “He told me that the A+ was just a demonstration of how much of a failure he was,” says Hewitt. The student argued that if he were perfect, he wouldn't have had to work so hard to get an A+.

2. As a perfectionist, you cannot accept and celebrate your success.

It's never good enough, so you get sucked so far into the details that you become frustrated–even angry. Even when your goal is complete and results in success, you believe you could and should have done it better.

Perfectionists don't acknowledge their wins to the extent of feeling the joy and satisfaction of a job well done. Instead, they find flaws in how they (or others) executed the project. There is always something wrong, even though the outcome is exactly what they wanted.

3. You don't allow yourself any mistakes.

While an individual with a healthy mindset allows for mistakes, an extreme perfectionist doesn't forgive their mistakes. Instead of viewing them as a learning opportunity, you criticize and put pressure on yourself for not predicting a less-than-perfect outcome. You feel inadequate, even stupid, and these feelings preoccupy your mind, often to the point of losing all productivity.

4. You put up a front, insisting everything is perfect.

Perfectionists are intensely afraid of being judged by others. They often want the outside world to view them as being perfect and making perfection easy. Even when your world is a disaster zone, you put up a front to lead others to think it's all just perfect.

5. You avoid taking on challenges that may cause you to fail.

Perfectionists like to stick with what they know. If you're presented with an opportunity that means you'll have to develop more skills or move outside of your comfort zone, you're likely to turn it down. You're afraid you're not smart enough to tackle a new learning curve and will be seen as a failure or let down someone.

6. You believe that your likeability is linked to being perfect.

Personality and positive qualities like honesty, compassion, humor, etc., aren't what perfectionists believe people will like about them. It's not enough to be a wonderful person; you must be perfectly wonderful. You don't allow others to see your flaws, and you most likely talk about your achievements but never your failures.

7. Your life doesn't satisfy you.

Perfectionists cope well in a low-stress environment–so as long as nothing challenges you, you're fine. When was the last time you weren't challenged by life? Right, because nothing is perfect. When life seems unsettled to you, it presents a problem. Anxiety often increases, which offers the illusion that nothing is going well, thereby decreasing life satisfaction.

8. You need help with getting things done on time.

Since perfection is an illusion, the pursuit of perfection is never complete, and neither are your projects. You may get things done, but you constantly battle the decisions and motivation to complete certain things. The “what ifs” and expectation of a negative consequence or result preoccupies you, and the pressure can be overwhelming.

Can you overcome the seemingly never-ending pursuit of perfection?

There's nothing we can't overcome if we put our minds to it. Pay attention to these situations if you occasionally insist on perfection, but it causes excessive stress. I suggest journaling about them to find the shared link. The awareness alone will help you get to the core and figure out what it's all about. Observe how others accept themselves, flaws and all, and assign yourself a few virtual mentors to follow. Learning how successful people built upon their failures instead of hiding from them will help get things into perspective.

Hewitt and Flett say that perfectionism is a risk factor for psychological disorders–not a disorder itself. If it leads to depression, anxiety, or other exhausting mental states, therapy can help. Yes, you can develop a healthy mindset and make life much easier and more rewarding for yourself.

The post 8 Signs You’re a Perfectionist (and Why It’s Toxic to Your Mental Health) appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

You launched your company, how long ago now? And you've spent much of that time doing whatever it takes to grow the customer list, sell, and deliver. But lately, you've realized you're not getting beyond the point of making just enough money to survive if you're lucky. The good news is that if you're making just enough, there's probably a market for what you do. The bad news is that if you continue to mop the floors, you won't grow much—as a leader or a company.

This realization is one reason that drives many business owners to seek me out as a life and business coach. Odds are, you're a natural-born leader, but that doesn't mean there's not a lot to learn. It's one thing to operate your company and quite another to take it to the next level with solid leadership skills. Let's look at some of the common stumbling blocks I encounter with the founders who are ready for a change but aren't making it happen.

Business owners who are stuck believe they can't afford to hire.

I always say, “If you believe it, it's true!” I have yet to coach someone who couldn't afford a new hire. That's because, together in coaching, we quickly identify creative ways to secure the ongoing funds for a new hire.

You create a game plan when you work with a business coach. You'll have a growth strategy, and when you bite the bullet and hire someone to do the work that takes up much of your time, you'll be free to bring in new business. However, if you transfer your time from one mundane task to another, you'll fail. You must have a plan to increase the company's profits before outsourcing or making a hiring decision. Sometimes the answer lies as close to your existing client list, a company or individual willing to increase their spending. Don't hesitate to go after this low-hanging fruit; all they can do is say yes or no.

Get an employee training process in place.

Before you delegate anything, have a training process in place. If the work that keeps you from growing your business is computer-related, record your screen as you go through each step of every process. Find a way to easily document the work you do and use this documentation in your training. Your new employee can do the work to make it pretty, so don't worry about how it looks.

Be courageous about delegation.

Your new people are more likely to do things differently than you and less likely to do it all wrong, which is what most entrepreneurs fear. Different isn't bad if it gets the same or better results. If they make mistakes, correct them. Yes, it is that easy. Time-consuming? Sometimes, but in the long run, not so much. This mental adjustment is one of the most challenging for entrepreneurs. I hear it all the time, “By the time I teach someone else to do this, I could have done it myself.” Oh sure, that's true, but how often do you want to repeat tasks that don't grow your business? Bite the bullet, do some excellent training, and let these jobs go.

Leadership means building a team you can trust.

Whether you hire one or multiple people to help you grow, they must be the right people. It's one thing to outsource small tasks or hire a bookkeeping service, but you must select your team members carefully.

The biggest problem with new business coaching clients who already have people on board is that the founder hasn't developed a desirable culture before onboarding. We'll get into some of the nuts and bolts of this in the culture development article two weeks down the road, but for now, suffice it to say that you need to hire people whose values coincide with your own.

If, for instance, you want an organization where people feel fulfillment in their work, but you hire someone who wants to punch the clock for the paycheck, neither of you will be happy. Work with your business coach to identify the core values to introduce into your company culture and create an interviewing process that explores the values of your applicants. When your people possess values that identify closely with your own, you will build mutual trust and respect.

Great leaders mentor their employees.

Some entrepreneurs have strong opinions in opposition to mentoring employees, to the point where they call it babysitting, which they claim they don't have time for. I assure you that mentoring your employees will substantially increase retention and job satisfaction. Solid mentorship opportunities will attract high-potential job candidates eager to learn and advance. As you lead and mentor your employees, you will notice that sales growth and other goals are achieved faster. And lastly, things will be done right, which brings us full circle to why you probably don't want to delegate in the first place—a fear of things not being done correctly. Teaching and guiding your employees is the only way to guarantee your desired results.

Set mutually agreed-upon goals for your employee(s), and don't let those targets linger in the ether. Do brief weekly and longer monthly meetings with your team members to review and guide them. This time will come back to you tenfold.

Hire slow, fire fast.

Hire slow. Have a process that will help you locate, interview, and onboard individuals who will contribute talent, skill, and positivity to your culture. If hiring for a critical position, take your top candidates to dinner or another activity. Invite their significant other, even their kids. Talk about hobbies and interests outside of work. Make sure your values are aligned.

Fire fast. Again, do what it takes to train, support properly, and mentor your employees. When they make mistakes, review them honestly and restate your expectations. If costly mistakes continue, it's time to let go.

One bad apple can spoil the whole team. It's not easy to let go of an underperformer or someone with a negative attitude, but these characteristics are toxic and contagious. Whether it's due to attitude or poor performance, don't be afraid to fire someone. I've seen entrepreneurs hold on to a poor fit out of fear, which never bodes well for the company.

Are you afraid that you'll get stuck doing the work? That you won't be able to find a replacement? Perhaps it's simply conflict avoidance on your part. If that's the case, know this: If you have an employee who is a poor culture fit and an underperformer, it inevitably means they too are unhappy. Everyone will find happiness on the other side of their walking papers.

Practice what you preach.

As you grow your culture (more on this later in this series), you will identify values that the company and your team live by. Let's say you have a value such as flexibility, which might mean your team can work with some flexibility and your company is flexible in resolving your clients' issues. Now let's say that you are inflexible and narrow-minded; your team and clients will become frustrated and eventually leave.

A little bit of tough love here. If you experience resistance, poor attitude, and unsatisfactory performance in a team member you've carefully selected, look in the mirror first. Most often, the leader fails, not the employee who was once the perfect fit for the job. Have you been embodying your own company culture? Have you been living up to your standards, keeping your promises, and demonstrating positive values to your team and customers?

Be a decision-maker and take inspired action.

Creative and driven employees and expectant customers want to see your products and services evolve. Too many entrepreneurs have let great plans and ideas stagnate and die. I suggest a quarterly off-site, whether it's with employees, your coach, or just you, to review growth goals and any changes that will lead to better efficiencies and an improved work environment.

There are times when circumstances prevent business owners from achieving specific goals, but most often, procrastination and fear-related issues stop us in our tracks. If you are indecisive or don't have your priorities in order, your behavior will be reflected in your team's performance.

Leaders have an appreciation for learning. Build time into your schedule to read, listen to podcasts, work with a coach, and travel to conferences. Primarily, be open to feedback and embrace change. I've never worked with an entrepreneur who does these things and still fails.

The post How Solid Are Your Leadership Skills? Review Your Leadership Mindset appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

Here's what may be going on, and how you can make it better.

1. Others don't understand the entrepreneurial mindset.

Let's face it, entrepreneurs are a breed unto themselves. You are willing to take emotional and financial risks to attain the dream. You strive for freedom but often work sixty-plus hour weeks. The passion runs so deep that others can't possibly know how it feels.

Entrepreneurs frequently tell me how much they love their partner and friends, but people who don't relate to an entrepreneurial mindset may not be able to support you as you like and need.  You may be looking in the wrong place for the camaraderie and encouragement you seek from those in your personal life.

Solution: Find like-minded supporters

Spend time with other entrepreneurs. There are groups out there for almost any interest. Sharing stories, brainstorming, and lending your expertise will give you a dose of the mental and emotional stimulation you crave. The assistance of a great coach or mentor is strongly advised to aid you in creating this balance.

2. They feel robbed of your attention.

The important people in your life may feel deprived of your attention. It's tough to admit this, so they may cite something else as the problem, become argumentative, or go into avoidance mode. This creates confusion because you can't possibly find a solution to a problem that you haven't properly identified.  Oftentimes, loved ones will say they support you, but their actions don't match their words. This is particularly true if your attention is lopsided, in favor of your business. Sometimes things get so bad at home that the entrepreneur hides behind the business to avoid facing the issues at home or in their friendships.

Solution: Create balance and avoid making promises you may not be able to keep.

Broken promises are a brutal blow to our loved ones and will cause their feelings to deepen with disappointment. Have you told your significant other that the business won't disrupt your household or relationship? You know that's not true. Do you break your plans or constantly run late? That gets old after a while so your partner is bound to feel let down and annoyed.

If you find yourself begging forgiveness for broken promises, then something must change.  Be honest, realistic, and forthright rather than avoiding the truth in fear of backlash or disappointing them. It's only fair that they know what they're dealing with. Learn to work on your business instead of in your business and create processes to expedite and organize things so you can spend more time with your loved ones. You might find they become more supportive when they don’t feel second to your business.

3. They are more risk-averse than you are.

When entrepreneurs sink time and money into a business it changes the financial landscape of the household. Savings decrease, debt increases, and lifestyle luxuries go by the wayside. Your partner may be focused on dollars in the bank today, while you're focused on a larger fortune down the road.  Spouses sometimes feel resentful, especially if they cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. Your dream may require them to work harder to make ends meet, placing the burden of financial survival on their shoulders while you “squander away the money.”

Solution: Have a solid financial plan and share it with them.

Many entrepreneurs begin their businesses as a sole proprietor. As things grow and problems arise (because they will), it's difficult to slow down enough to create a plan. A business without a plan leads to a lack of clarity and direction. I'm not a fan of full-blown business plans unless an investor is involved, but a basic financial forecast and growth strategy is a must. These plans will help those who love you feel more secure about your investment.

4. They are afraid for you.

No one who loves you wants to see you hurt. While they may not understand your vision and commitment, they do understand how much it means to you. They probably hear about your concerns, but do you communicate your positive development and wins? You may feel like you've got this, but they cannot be inside your head, so they don't feel as confident as you do. This doesn't mean they don't believe in you; they just don't see the big picture as you do.

Solution: Be conscious of how you communicate.

Sometimes it feels good to vent–to express your fears and unburden yourself when things aren't going well. So, you dump on your loved one and leave them feeling your pain. It's good to vent but make sure it's balanced by expressing a positive outlook or something that will help to resolve their concern. Of course, they will worry for and about you. Many entrepreneurs have come to me after years of using their spouse as a sounding board, only to realize it's ineffective and stressful for both parties. Again, a coach or someone else who can fill this role is a good way to go. Not to exclude others, but to balance the load.

One more important note: Never make assumptions about the meaning behind your loved one's seemingly negative actions. Reading messages into another's behavior is a fine way to create unnecessary trouble for the relationship. The key to success and feeling supported is to communicate clearly and to remember that support is a two-way street

The post 4 Reasons Your Partner Isn’t Fully Supportive of Your Dreams (and What to Do About It) appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

When your time belongs to something else—work, parenting, caregiving, your business—it can seem you’re trapped inside someone else’s agenda. Entrepreneurs easily fall into this cycle, sacrificing themselves and their time to long-term goals and the needs of others. If you’re not careful, the daily stress of giving yourself away diminishes any sense of self and well-being.

I recall my twenty-plus years of working in corporate: a fifteen-minute drive to the train, a forty-minute train ride into the city, then a brisk twenty-minute walk from Chicago’s Union Station to work. The commute was filled with paperwork and scheduling so I could lessen the load before a hectic 8 to 10 hours in the local news world. At last, I followed the routine of my reverse commute home to my kids for the few short hours we had together.

I loved my job, and being a mom, but what I didn’t love was the feeling of being lost inside the mechanics of every task-filled day. I rarely stilled my mind to capture the most important moments in life or to create a space that felt like mine because I belonged to everyone else. I never stopped to realize that I was lost, that there was something inside of me that felt unsatisfied—until one early morning when I missed my train, which left me with a rare twenty minutes to do nothing.

I felt nearly giddy with the anticipation of a precious few silent moments to myself. I randomly strolled across to a little coffee house where patrons cheerfully bantered with the fun-loving proprietors while waiting for their lattes and mochas. “Oh my! A cinnamon scone,” I thought. “Dare I? Oh sure, it was a special day.”

A special day? Why? It hit me then that treating myself to a few laughs with strangers, a fresh cup of coffee, and a cinnamon scone filled me with giddy anticipation of the next moment and the next. I took my warm coffee and scone to a park bench and savored them, along with the joy that filled my heart as I noticed, for the first time, the beautiful fall colors that had begun to tinge the leaves of the old oaks. “I feel like I’m on vacation,” I thought blissfully. I went to work that day with more emotional and physical energy than I’d had in a while, with a bit more spirit in my step.

That evening I journaled about my mini-vacation experience, and I found it so meaningful that it was decided, then and there, that I would “put a little vacation in every day.”

Put a little vacation in every day.

So, what does that really mean? Missing your train or a meeting, so you can sit idly in a park warming your hands on a cup of joe? What if it wasn’t that random? What if, without sacrifice, you could escape the everyday demands to capture time for yourself? To connect with yourself and your surroundings in a way that eludes you on a typical day? To stop and smell the roses, as they say.

It sounds like too little to mean a lot.

Too good to be true? You may ask, how can five or ten minutes make a difference in how I feel? What might this do for your well-being, health, and spirit?

1. Let’s look at the more practical side of this concept first. Research tells us that taking purposeful breaks (anywhere from 5–60 minutes) to refresh your brain and body increases your energy, productivity, and ability to focus. This is especially true during periods of intense concentration, like study and work projects. Short breaks will give you more time to do other things, making you more efficient and accurate.

Ok, now that that’s out of the way, let’s look at the more meaningful side of taking your little vacation breaks.

2. Purposeful mini-breaks can change the way you think. This is what I call, Bullshift™.

When we don’t have time to ourselves to just “be,” much of life’s more meaningful content gets swept under the rug. We neglect to find gratitude and appreciation for the good stuff and tend to focus on the more stressful aspects of our day-to-day life. Your mind is like your body, it becomes what you feed it. We must nourish our brains with positive thoughts, intent, and beliefs to live a happy, healthy, and fulfilled life.

When you take yourself away from the hustle for a few minutes spend that time finding the good: breathe deeply, look for something beautiful in your surroundings, notice the feel and scent of the air, savor the taste of something delicious, or observe an exchange between happy individuals. These simple actions will reinforce new neural pathways in your brain that eventually become automatic. Translation: You are teaching your brain to default to a positive attitude!

A little vacation in every day has become second nature to me, and I hope it does for you as well. Negativity is exhausting! Life is more fulfilling and hopeful when we can teach our brains to find the positive, even during difficult times. Rather than allowing daily demands to deplete you, capture something special in your day to make it yours because you deserve it!

The post How About 365 Vacations This Year? Here’s How–and Why appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

Here are the issues I see most often; however, I could list many more! If you recognize any of these tendencies in yourself, you should first know that you’re not alone! The second thing to know is that your business can and will grow if you conquer the inclinations that hold you back.

1. STOP ignoring your numbers.

Numbers are the one thing in life that tell an accurate, consistent story. If your business is struggling, it is certainly easier to ignore the financial facts, but number anxiety and avoidance only create a deeper abyss between you and your success. I’ve had clients who can’t even tell me what it costs to run their business or how much money they have in the bank. There is no shame in this; I get it, but unawareness of these facts is damaging, and the pain of not knowing is usually more profound than the truth behind your numbers.

Bite the bullet. Hire a bookkeeper or accountant and get your books in order. Organizing and understanding your numbers will give you a roadmap for your next steps and help you understand where to put your focus.

2. STOP doubting yourself.

Confidence is at the core of success; self-doubt is your greatest saboteur. It’s natural for confidence to ebb and flow, but if you get stuck in a loop of negative thinking and a lack of confidence, it will undoubtedly hold you back. So what if you fail at something? That’s how we learn and gain wisdom. Have the courage to fail and put the lion’s share of your focus on your many positive achievements.

3. STOP holding on to employees who don’t perform.

You believe it’s easier to have a warm body than to take the time to locate, hire and train a new employee, right? That belief is so, so wrong! I’ve worked with many business owners who’ve made this mistake. When they finally agree to take the leap and let go of an underperforming employee, they berate themselves for not doing it sooner. If the employee is well-meaning, it is even more difficult because now the entrepreneur feels terrible about letting them go. Most people don’t know that if a team member can’t keep up for any reason, they are as unhappy as you are. Release them, free yourself from a damaging situation, and you will both be much happier.

4. STOP accepting clients who are not on brand.

An essential part of your brand is knowing your ideal client. If you’re not clear on that, it would be wise to make it your next priority. Market only to that niche, and don’t step outside of it because you need the money because fear-driven decisions will always backfire. These clients will cause problems, you may not be able to meet their expectations, you won’t enjoy the work, and it will consume more time, keeping you from your ideal clients.

5. STOP avoiding growth strategies.

If you’re putting out fires, working on non-revenue producing tasks, and engaging in what we call, productive procrastination, you will notachieve revenue-generating growth. Such procrastination is usually a consequence of confusion, uncertainty, and fear, not a condition. Your first step is to separate revenue-generating action steps from tasks that are not the work of an entrepreneur. If you must do these other tasks (that’s a whole separate issue), schedule two hours of uninterrupted time to dedicate to them as often as needed throughout your week. Spend the remainder of your day, once again uninterrupted, being an entrepreneur. No excuses, no procrastination.

What’s next?

How can you gain clarity and find solutions to the issues that stand between you and your dreams of further success? It’s unlikely that you’ll do it alone. The good news is you can absolutely make it happen.

Most people believe it’s about buckling down, determination, and struggle. It doesn’t have to be this way. Hire a great coach. Work on yourself first, then your business, not the other way around. It’s your mindset that’s holding you and millions of other entrepreneurs back from the ultimate dream of freedom and happiness. And that, my friend, can be resolved.

The post 5 Growth-Stunting Habits You Must Stop Doing Now appeared first on Marla Tabaka.