As a business coach, I have an opportunity to help affected business owners with their depression and to consider that their mysteriously dark thoughts and behaviors come from the depression they usually don't even know they have. The reason you may not think of it as depression is that if you see yourself as high functioning and expect yourself to ‘buck up,' as entrepreneurs do, you may be aware that you don't feel great, but you'll chalk it up to stress and other factors that don't include depression. With depression in entrepreneurs at a rate of 30 percent, this is truly a silent epidemic.

Why is depression in entrepreneurs so prevalent?

I can identify many reasons for the epidemic proportions of depression in entrepreneurs, and I'm confident that researchers have identified many more. The thoughts and information in this article come from nearly twenty years of successfully coaching small business owners; I am not a therapist. Here are the depression-triggering facts I witness most often.

Some entrepreneurs are predisposed to mental illness.

Many studies argue that some entrepreneurs are predisposed to mental illness, including depressive tendencies. The same qualities that make you an outstanding entrepreneur: creativity, ability to pivot, empathy, independence, visionary, and crisis-management skills may be rooted in negative life experiences. If you have experienced any level of trauma in your past, it likely resulted in many negative beliefs about yourself and the world around you. Experiences of failure, shame, perfectionism, and emotional or physical abuse, lead to anxiety and self-doubt, which can lead to varying levels of depression.

However, even if you were blessed with an idyllic childhood and a life relatively free of trauma, it does not disqualify you from depressive tendencies. The risks and uncertainty that come with the emotional rollercoaster that is a founder's life can be enough to push us to the brink of a breakdown. There is tremendous pressure to succeed from both internal and external sources. Mostly, entrepreneurs are hardest on themselves.

What are the primary stressors that lead to depression in entrepreneurs?

Aside from the above, the climate of the business world is quite harsh. There's competition, lack of funding, employees and candidates who ghost business owners, managing others, client issues, and rapidly advancing technologies that take money and education to keep up. As a founder, you have a world of weight on your shoulders and little opportunity to go off-grid to escape the crazy.

As though the external challenges aren't enough, they are compounded by negative self-talk and beliefs that can make you feel incapable or undeserving. Skim through my other blogs and Inc.com articles for more on this mindset and what to do about it.

Why it's difficult to spot depression in yourself.

If you've lived with depression for any length of time, it's hard to identify if your moods, thoughts, and behaviors are “just who you are” or symptoms of depression. Also, you're busy; who has time to slow down to evaluate this problem? Lastly, what if you discover you are depressed? That's scary, right?

The good news is that therapy, a good life and business coach, a healthier lifestyle, alternative treatments, and possibly (but not always) medication can resolve most issues. Why live a life of anxiety, high stress, and sad thoughts if you don't have to? It used to be taboo to discuss mental health; luckily, those days are gone.

How to spot depression in yourself.

Pay attention to your thoughts and moods. Prolonged sadness, anger, and frustration may be signs that you are depressed.

You're tired. Of course, you are, but depression comes with a whole new level of fatigue. Pay attention to your energy patterns.

Poor concentration. You may believe that what I call entrepreneurial ADHD comes with the territory. That's not always true. Your habits, beliefs, and lack of clarity contribute to poor concentration.

You may have a lack of appetite and trouble sleeping. Watch for any change in mood, habits, or attitudes that don't feel good to you.

Do you drink more alcohol than you'd like to admit?

A drink or two takes the edge off, but note if your drinking (or other self-medicating) habits have increased. This could be a sign that your coping mechanisms are over-taxed.

Indecisiveness and overwhelming feelings that muddy up your clarity.

Sometimes these feelings get so big that we shut down and use productive procrastination to avoid thinking about strategy and gaining clarity. Sometimes, even the most basic decisions feel overwhelming.

You don't feel like spending time with others.

You are excluding yourself from everyday social situations and avoiding others. This could be happening because your stress and depressive tendencies are taking up all of your energy. It's challenging to make small talk when you're facing tough problems.

Resolving depression in entrepreneurs.

The first step for anyone is to recognize that you aren't happy and are not alone, even though you may feel lonely. Many of your peers have gone or are going through bouts of depression. Society expects entrepreneurs to be tough and resilient, but we are all human with feelings, needs, and limits.

Try to put things in perspective.

Every problem becomes amplified when the brain is operating in a depressed state. Our stress bucket becomes full, and any minor issue can create an overflow. We also have negative recordings that yell at us from inside our heads; I'm not good or smart enough, I don't deserve success, I'm going to fail, so many people are counting on me, I can't let them down. I have many articles on my site about “BullShifting™” negative thinking. Check this one out.

Think about all the problems you've resolved in the past.

When we're involved in an anxiety-inducing issue, it feels like the world's weight is crashing upon us. You've felt this way before; what happened then? Most often, our worst fears don't manifest themselves. Even if they do, there are few circumstances from which we don't recover. You've probably faced heavier challenges and made it to the other side.

If simple positive mindset shifts are not helping your depression, please find a professional to work with for a while. If your depression is deep and long-lasting, interview some therapists to find one who resonates with your belief system. A coach with training and experience working with entrepreneurs is a great choice to complement therapy or as a stand-alone approach if you believe treatment is unnecessary. A good, ethical coach will gently nudge you toward therapeutic assistance if your situation is beyond their scope of practice.

Remember your mission and vision; you have a purpose to achieve. Ask for help so you can be happy in life and business and get to your goals efficiently. It's just better that way.

The post The Silent Epidemic: Depression in Entrepreneurs appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

First, let’s get something straight: there is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is no timeline or deadline. Grief pours into every crevasse of our lives; it is not a linear process. With that said, if a significant life change or a loss creates a chronic condition that won’t stop negatively impacting your emotional well-being, you probably need help looking at the deeper meaning.

A necessary part of the human experience is the inevitable pain of loss, illness, and unwelcome change. Your method of handling life events is based on your beliefs and how you perceive yourself. If, for instance, you experienced abandonment or the loss of a parent in your youth, you may be hypersensitive to loss. You may, for example, believe that those you love will eventually disappear from your life. On the other hand, your friend who has not loved and lost may grieve and appear to move on with comparative ease.

The challenge with differing beliefs is that it’s difficult to fathom the other person’s point of view. You can’t imagine your brain working that way. I remember experiencing this when my mom passed away. My heart was breaking; the loss felt unbearable. My siblings managed their emotions differently. “What did you think would happen? She was 92 years old,” one brother said to me. I viewed his remark as insensitive, and I couldn’t understand why he didn’t miss mom as much as I did.

Since then, I’ve learned that he does miss her; he simply found a different (less painful) path to acceptance. I misinterpreted his acceptance as a lack of love because I couldn’t imagine how he could love our mother and cope well with the loss. It felt as though these two experiences could not co-exist. I was wrong.

Do you find that things like loss, conflict, unwelcome change, and difficult news seem beyond your ability to manage emotionally? Does the deep pain and worry stay with you for years, often spiking, surprising you with deep, painful emotions at unexpected times? Suppose this harms your mental well-being. It may be helpful to look at how your personal paradigm was formed and whether you can shift your perspective. I’ve done this countless times over the years, and the experience is life-altering.

For me, loss has been the most challenging of life events to manage. Even the loss of one of my beloved dogs haunted me for many years. Friends who moved away, breaking up with someone I’ve dated, and most certainly the pain of loss when my husband and mother passed seemed insurmountable. I knew that my level of ongoing grief was not within normative values. It had a negative impact on my life in many ways. Something had to change, so I found help.

What I learned about myself is that loss threatened my sense of safety and well-being. My dog, Cooper, for instance, entered our lives only months after my husband passed. For five years, Cooper and I walked in the woods almost every day while I cried, vented, and created a new life for myself. Cooper was a vessel for my deepest emotions and a catalyst to my healing. On a subconscious level, I believed that losing him after only five years was a threat to my well-being and a stab in the back at my attempt to build a new life for my young children and me. He held my grief and my dreams; what now?

My mother was my best friend. We laughed and cried together. Mom rescued me from disaster on more than one occasion. Again subconsciously, losing her meant that my security and safety were next to go.

It’s natural to feel the pain of loss; it becomes a part of who you are. But when it threatens your mental health and ability to thrive, it’s a problem. However, you can create internal change that makes life more joyful and helps you find gratitude for all that is.

Remember, grief is not always attached to death. It comes from divorce, loss of a business, estrangement, loss of a job, and so many other life events. Don’t shy away from asking for professional help to assimilate your losses and find balance. Some life coaches are equipped to help you. There are grief counselors and coaches. And certainly, everyone can benefit from therapy.

What steps will you take to heal? Reach out to me; perhaps I can steer you in the right direction.

The post Why Do Others Quickly Recover from Grief, and I Don’t? appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

The Universe delivered, mostly. I guess I wasn’t specific enough in my weather-related request. I got my sunny, 50-degree day, but with winds that made it feel more like a chilly 35.

Still, from the inside of my home, I was able to enjoy the warm caress of the sun all afternoon long. It turned out to be a lovely birthday, with friends who stood on my front lawn bearing gifts of flowers, balloons, sweet local honey, and a delicious dinner.

Soon after my birthday, along came a rainy, windy, cold Mother’s Day. Ok, I have some mad mindset skills, but come on. Two special days, only a couple weeks apart, that I (along with many other moms of adult children) would spend cooped up and alone? Really?

Again, I shifted my mindset and felt fine about “celebrating” the day all by myself. Or, at least I thought so.

It wasn’t until dinner time on Mother’s Day (I made a delicious lasagna and salad) that the loneliness set in. I decided to voice text my daughter and as I began to speak my voice broke. As though some unknown force took over my emotions, a torrent of tears flooded my eyes, ending up in a mushy mess of mascara that ran down my burning cheeks. What the heck? I seriously didn’t know how much emotion I had suppressed. I cried, tapped, and let it out for a few minutes and then I was fine. Thank you, EFT!

There was something to learn from this sudden outburst of emotion, so I did a little internal exploration. Sure enough, a mild Ah-Ha moment came along as I thought about the nature of stress and its effects on the mind.

When the reality of a pandemic hit this country, we were all thrown into a state of acute stress. This is when the survival instinct kicks in because of what our brain believes is an immediate threat to our safety. Extreme reactions are involved, (thus the toilet paper rampage) including heightened anxiety about where we’ve been and who we’ve been exposed to. Will everyone we love survive this virus? Will the world ever be the same? Am I already infected?

Since that initial shock, most of us have transitioned from acute stress to the chronic stress phase: fewer extreme responses, but consistent underlying tension. Most of us know about the physical toll this can take on our bodies, but you may not be quite as aware of the mental toll. Chronic stress can cause certain physical and emotional responses that seem to come out of left field, like what happened to me on Mother’s Day. When symptoms of stress display themselves, it can be confusing.

Acknowledge your chronic stress.

Just last week one of my clients told me that since he’s healthy and his income has remained unaffected, he had no right to complain. Was he right to feel guilt and shame for being down?

Not at all. He has every right to his feelings. We all need to put a voice to our fears.

• No matter how well you’re doing under our current circumstances, your world has changed. Like the rest of us, you have no way of predicting if and when life as you know it will be restored.

Repeat after me: “Of course, I am stressed!”

• Tell your mind and body that it’s ok that you’re not at 100 percent right now. The fact that others are worse off than you are should not diminish your concerns and fears.  To remain healthy, everyone needs to access and experience their unhappy emotions.
• Let go of any guilt or resistance to experiencing whatever it is that you feel. Spend time taking care of yourself during your trek into unchartered territory.
• Most of the world has slowed down, so it’s ok to lower your expectations for a little while. Take breaks. Go for a bike ride or take a walk in the middle of the day. As a result, you'll feel better and be more productive.
• Add some nurturing activities to your day. Listen to a guided meditation at bedtime. Keep a journal to help you explore your thoughts and stress responses.

As they say, we are in this together, and in many ways that’s true. People around the entire globe are experiencing a life that's much different than they could have ever predicted. The inability to concentrate, sleepless nights, fatigue, and everything from sadness to anger are all a part of being human and “in this together.”

The post In the Words of Pink, It Hurts to be Human (During a Pandemic) appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

As a business coach, I see people push their emotions down and bury themselves in their business–believing that how they feel on the inside has nothing to do with how well the business functions. And yet, when these very same people become clients and work on themselves, their businesses experience stronger and steadier growth. Often, they take off like rocket ships!

My story of depression.

When I was in my twenties, I became painfully aware of my issue with depression and subsequently, anxiety, and panic attacks. I’d felt down for most of my life, but the sudden onset of panic attacks took me by surprise. At that young age (and because it was before depression was discussed openly) I had no idea that my down moods weren’t normative. I coped rather than thrived, and eventually, my body, mind, & spirit had enough. Fortunately, this difficult awakening put me on my path to happiness, albeit a slow and long journey. I came to realize that my greatest fear was that I would become just like my father, who suffered with debilitating depression and anxiety all his life.  This fear alone kept me in the panic/depression loop for many years.

As the self-help era emerged (yes, there was a time before self-help was even considered a genre!) I immersed myself in books, recordings, journaling, and meditation. I found some of the tools I still use in my coaching practice today and worked them hard. I experienced profound growth, but as the pain of chronic depression lessened I forgot how awful I felt back when I was in the throes of depression. I failed to recognize the significance of my growth patterns and the depth of my achievements.  Therefore, if I didn’t feel great on any given day, I would consider myself “back in my depression”. This endless cycle held me back for much too long and true happiness continued to elude me.

Finally, a light bulb moment happened. I needed to measure my growth, much like we measure ROI (return on investment) in business—with a chart! I assessed that the data I needed to collect for my “dashboard” included the depth of a depressed state, and how long I remained in that state. The opposite was also true: the height of my happiness, and how long I would maintain the higher state.  The most important thing I learned from this was that my depressed states were not only further apart, but they didn't dip too low very often. And, when they would, I would come back out of it within a day or two–sometimes only an hour or two. Conversely, my more elevated moods came more often and generated deeper and deeper levels of contentment and even happiness.

The development of this very simple process is one of the exercises that I believe led to permanent healing and the shedding of depression. It became tangible proof of my growth. Once I saw that I was making headway there was no turning back.  You can do it too. Here’s how.

Keep track of your emotional state.

In a notebook, journal, smartphone—whatever tool you’d like to use—rate your daily mood on a scale of 1-10, with a score of 1 being extremely down–depressed, and/or anxious and 10 being up–joyful and positive. Keep it simple, otherwise, you may not stick to it. After you’ve gathered enough data you will be able to use it to recognize your current patterns, as well as the change in those patterns.

Use your daily ratings numbers to see how often, and for how long, you remain above, below, or right on target at a five, which is representative of what you would consider a pretty good day. Not exemplary perhaps, but good.  I kept a chart because a visual representation of my emotional health delivered the impact I needed. I strongly recommend that you create a graph or chart of some kind, as it delivers the real AhHa awarenesses, whereas simply flipping pages to glance at numbers won’t. Just like we need profit and loss statements in business to tell us about our growth.

Work it baby!

It's critical to have an arsenal of tools and a great support system to see improvement. You must train your brain to think differently! As you do your self-help work you will notice that your days below a five are fewer and spaced further apart. You’ll also notice that you reach the higher numbers more often, meaning the days you once spent feeling depressed or anxious are being replaced by days of contentment—even happiness. I highly recommend working with a great mindset coach (raising my hand) or a therapist; believe me, it makes a difference!

Eventually, you’ll experience soaring to a ten from time-to-time where your ideal of joy and happiness exists. And, someday you will join me in living most often in the 5-10 range, rather than the 1-5 range. Now my numbers are flipped and I enjoy most days to their fullest. When I finally turned the corner and most of my days were at or above a 5 I realized that having a bad day, or two, or three, didn’t mean I was depressed again. I may have had depressing thoughts and feelings, but it did not mean I was depressed. It meant I was perfectly normal!

According to the National Alliance of Mental Health, more than 350-million people suffer from depression–you are not alone! Please don't be ashamed of your experience. Instead, change it! Celebrate your growth with each step. You are strong. You are amazing!

The post Depressed Much? How to Take Your Power Back appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

So if you weren’t depressed before, you probably are now, right? Certainly, that’s not my intent. One goal here is to further abolish the stigma around depression that keeps people from speaking out, and certainly from getting the help they need, especially those with major depressive disorders. My primary intent, however; is to help those of you who fight hard to resist mild episodes of depression–or periods of feeling low. It is to present you with another way of approaching these inevitable states of melancholy.

Many studies have revealed that people who are on the energetic, motivated, and creative side are both more likely to be entrepreneurial and more likely to have strong emotional states. In my opinion, these states in and of themselves aren’t necessarily the problem; it’s how we respond to them that creates the bigger issues. It’s the action of “fighting hard” to resist them, since pain happens when we resist what is. Resistance can cause a problem to grow, become more difficult to face, and stimulate escalating levels of fear.

So what’s the alternative to fighting against bouts of mild depression? It’s to find the good in them. Yes, you heard me right. A state of melancholy can bring you to a contemplative place. It offers an opportunity to “go deep” and re-evaluate your options. It may push you into taking time to heal and take better care of yourself. If you allow yourself to release your resistance you may find that a brief, yet meaningful, hiatus from your stress is available to you.

If you find yourself feeling blue, or leaning toward a state of mild depression, try a few of these ideas to see if things unfold differently for you.

Engage in touch.

Human touch is critical to emotional balance and health. Accept hugs from loved ones and friends. Engage in loving intimacy. Schedule a massage, pedicure, or manicure. Pamper yourself and allow others to pamper you as well!

Exercise differently.

No doubt, exercise is critical to those who experience any level of depression. Going to the gym and breaking a mean sweat is a good thing, but try a gentler form for a while: yoga, brisk walks, or a bike ride along the river or lakeside. Again, the idea is gentle nurturance.

Take inventory of your life and business.

Give yourself some gentle space to lovingly, without judgment, evaluate where your are in life and business as opposed to where you want to be. Play “what if”. What if anything were possible, what would I change? The funny thing about this little game is that we often find that anything truly is possible!

Read fiction or watch a comedy.

Giving yourself permission to guiltlessly escape in this way is an indulgence—and it can change your state of mind.  Laughing, or placing yourself in an imaginary world for a while is good for you!

Get creative.

Even if you don’t view yourself as an artist or author, tapping into your creative self is a wonderful form of therapy. Adult coloring books and Zentangle are fun ways to produce a piece of art that you’ll be proud of. Try crafting, gardening, writing a poem or short story—express yourself in a way that’s unusual for you!

Meditate and visualize.

If you’re not a believer, do a little research on the benefits of meditation. Scientists, doctors, and mental health professionals are all onboard now and the results are undeniable. Since this is about letting go of resistance, the standard “I can’t still my mind” excuse won’t cut it here. Anyone can meditate. There are endless recordings of guided meditations and visualizations available online. Try a few different resources and be consistent! You will not be sorry.

Battling the idea of finding time to “indulge”? Consider this: resistance takes a lot of energy. If you don’t step away from the madness, your energy and performance will decline (if it hasn’t already). Taking off for a day, or a few days if necessary, will put you back on track and likely result in a some very positive changes.

The post Fighting Depression? Entrepreneurs Can Find the Benefits Instead appeared first on Marla Tabaka.