We know that stress builds upon stress. The longer you allow stress to run your thoughts, actions, and behaviors, the more it becomes your default setting. You wake up in the morning, and your brain instantly searches for what is wrong in your life rather than right. Your mind cannot focus on the joyful aspects of life; your kids, friends and family, good health, or whatever you treasure. Before you know it, stress dictates your decisions, and happiness takes a back seat to worry, fear, and anxiety. Not an excellent way to live—for you or the people who love and care for you.

It's time to increase your happiness factor!

While we know that proper diet and exercise, going to a therapist, taking vacations, being present in the moment, and all the other things that are good for us decrease stress, they all require life change. Today's happiness-inducing tips take seconds to minutes, and that's all. You can incorporate these little actions into your life without interrupting your day. These new habits are simple to attain yet powerful. Refrain from dismissing these little gems as too easy to be true and effective!

Happiness comes with a smile.

That's right. Endless research shows that the simple act of an ear-to-ear smile immediately impacts your state of mind. You see, a smile spurs a chemical reaction in the brain, releasing certain hormones, including dopamine and serotonin, the happiness hormones. When you smile, your brain automatically assumes something humorous is happening and responds accordingly. And here's more good news: your brain doesn't know if you're smiling because you genuinely feel happy or if you're pretending. That's right, fake it until you make it.

Does your brain come to life in the morning with stressful thoughts, dread, frustration, or fear? Interrupt that pattern with an ear-to-ear smile. Okay, it may feel goofy to lie in bed smiling at the ceiling, but I kid you not; it's extremely effective. Give it a try! And when you're ready to take things to the next level, find something to laugh about!

Increase happiness when you put a little vacation in every day.

I felt a sinking sensation during my corporate years before I got on the commuter train each morning. It was as though my life wasn't my own once I boarded that train. One day I realized that, between being a single mom and working a demanding job, I had very little of my own time, so of course, I dreaded going to work. So, I decided to change that feeling, even for only a few minutes a day.

I began leaving the house 20 minutes early (no small feat with stunt-loving toddler twins around), but I made it happen. I used that 20 minutes at my morning commute's front or back end. Sometimes, I stopped in the little coffee shop at the station and either laughed and chatted with the owners and other customers or took my coffee to a bench under a tree. There, I focused on the feel-good aspect of being alone; the sweet sound of the birds talking or whatever made my heart feel good.

Other times, I would go out of my way to walk along Lake Michigan to get to work. I would stop in the satellite department store near the train station downtown or browse in a bookshop—things I would do if I were on vacation.

Now, I work from home. I take frequent 5-minute breaks to gaze into my beautiful koi pond or even pull a few weeds (it's meditative!). I'll play with one of our pets or laugh over something silly with my daughters. Other times I'll stop in the middle of the day for something more time-consuming: a massage, a long walk in the woods, a pedicure, or a bit of retail therapy.

I refer to these mini breaks as my way to put a little vacation in every day. This time reminds you that you can escape the stress and daily demands to make yourself feel special and at peace. Make it a rule. Put a little vacation in each and every day!

Show some gratitude.

If a pill could simulate the effects of gratitude, everyone would be taking it. Again, there are countless studies on gratitude's mental and physical benefits. We know that feeling thankful can improve sleep, mood, and immunity. Gratitude can decrease depression, anxiety, chronic pain difficulties, and disease risk.

Gratitude and happiness go hand in hand. But I'm not talking about a robotic recital of a gratitude list. We're all (hopefully) grateful for the important and good things in our lives. Make your gratitude memorable with this simple practice.

Step one is to actively look for simple things that bring joy to your heart. This step requires intention and practice, but this gratitude practice will retrain your brain to focus on the good rather than the stressful stuff.

If you leave the house for an errand or a walk (Walk your dogs! It's a great break for both of you!), watch for the simple things that bring you a moment of pleasure: a beautiful flower, a sweet interaction between a parent and child, a pleasant smell in the air. These are simple pleasures you're looking for, nothing big and life-changing.

You get the idea. This exercise is a highly effective way to practice being present in the moment and teach your brain to seek happiness, not misery.

Step two in the gratitude exercise:

Spend just 5-minutes every night recording your moments of pleasure in a gratitude journal. No cheating! Again, this isn't about the things that you're grateful for; this is about seeking out simple reasons for happiness. You don't have to write a book; a basic sentence or two is perfect.

As you record these special moments, allow your heart to feel them all over again. Going to bed happy provides many benefits, including a more peaceful night's sleep.

Perform random acts of kindness.

I was checking out at Trader Joe's (one of my happy places) a couple of weeks ago. The cashier was a young woman who happily chatted with each customer and did her job joyfully. I don't recall the questions I asked her, but I learned that this happy woman worked three jobs! I asked when she found time for rest, and she responded, “Girl! I've got goals; the time for rest is later!” She went on to say that she loves all of her jobs and is saving so she has the financial means to make her dreams come true.

I was so taken with this magical personality that I went home, grabbed some cash, put it in an envelope with a little note, and returned to the store to give it to her. I told her it was my small way of contributing to her dreams. I can't get the image of her joyful spirit out of my mind. I'm still riding this roller coaster two weeks later.

Along with your gratitude practice, keep your eyes open for small ways to be there for someone else:

• Help someone put groceries in their car.
• Send an employee home early as a special treat.
• Show your appreciation to someone amazing.
• Put a little love note in your child's lunch.
• Surprise a friend by leaving flowers on their doorstep.

Get silly and move!

Just like a smile, shifting your physical state of stress invites your body and brain to feel good. What we call a state change in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) means to change your body radically – to move into a powerful state. Change your posture, facial expression, and breathing. Move to another room, or stand up and strike a Superman pose!

When I began public speaking, I was petrified. It was about more than just getting up on a stage but about creating a presentation powerful enough for an audience to appreciate and benefit from. My anxiety would put a freeze on my creativity. In fact, it crippled my brain! So, I put my knowledge to work. Here are a few of the exercises; they are simple (even goofy) yet effective.

When you're overwhelmed to the point of being frozen, shift to an empowering state to generate happiness and confidence.

Stand tall, and walk around the room while reciting empowering affirmations. Use a strong, confident voice and your hands and arms to accentuate the words. Here are some of the affirmations I used. Before long, I didn't need to do this exercise because I trained my brain to know I was confident, experienced, and strong.

Short and simple affirmations for happiness and confidence.

• I AM an expert!
• I bring value to my audience (or whatever you're doing)!
• I am a great entrepreneur!
• I have everything it takes to succeed at this!
• My voice is powerful and knowing!
• I am confident, capable, and wise!

Remember, use your body, exaggerate your movements, and emphasize key words in your affirmations.

Baby steps. That's all it takes to bring a bit of joy and happiness to your heart. Don't wait for success, don't think you have to make massive life changes. Keep it simple and do it now.

The post Happiness Matters. 5 Fast and Easy Ways to Increase Your Happiness Factor appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

So, here's the story.

Italy was, without a doubt, a trip of a lifetime; however, during the final week, I needed to step up my coping mechanisms to make a difficult adjustment. After three glorious weeks of taking in Italy's spectacular cities and countryside with my brother, Gary, and sister-in-law, Rose, I was excited to experience Rome. The Colosseum, the Forum, the Vatican, the Trevi Fountain, and so much more were awaiting; however, the Universe had different plans for me.

Setbacks happen.

On our final night in Sorrento before traveling to Rome, I sprained my ankle and injured my knee in a nasty fall. It could have been so much worse as I fell hard from the steps onto a marble landing. Still, it hurt like hell! It's a bad sprain, made worse by the knee injury on the opposite leg.

Different personality types respond to setbacks in different ways.

What do you think your initial reaction would've been if you were in my situation? Here's how it went for me.

Immediately after the fall, my initial questions were what most people would ask themselves. How bad is it? Can I move? In how many places am I injured? And then, how will I get up from down here?

After that, I moved on to thoughts similar to what you'd experience for an empathy-driven individual in this situation.

• Oh no, how awful for Gary and Rose to have seen me fall like that.
• Now their trip is going to be ruined.
• Gary had paid for the tours, and now I can't take them; what a waste of money.
• I'm going to slow them down, and I'll be a burden.
• What if I need medical care? That will ruin everything for them!
• I don't want them to worry about me on their vacation!

These fears were a lot to process, and I became overwhelmed and anxious. The fall and all these initial thoughts happened in less than a minute, and I quickly realized the need to access my coping skills, so on went the coach hat. (This was all before I even got off the ground!)

Once I was standing, with the help of my brother, I immediately acknowledged to myself that I was projecting. “If roles were reversed and I witnessed one of them experience a bad fall, would I be thinking about the remainder of my trip being ruined,” I asked myself. The answer was no. I would be deeply concerned for the injured person and think about what I could do to help them. With this shift in perspective, my panic receded, and I could focus on what I needed.

The lesson:

When a setback involves others, don't project. You have no idea how they are feeling or what their thoughts are, and there will be plenty of time to work out the details later. Take care of yourself first and ask for what you need.

Of course, this coach would have more opportunities to turn her skills inward. By the next morning, the pain and swelling worsened in the ankle and the knee. I was alone at the AirBnB and began worrying that I might need medical attention. Would my insurance cover it? Where would I go, and how would I get down the awful stairs lurking just outside the door? Would anyone speak English at the medical center? What would happen if I waited for medical care until I got home a week from now? If there's a fracture, will it be too late to treat it?

As you can see, the negative voices in my head were working overtime. My body became tense all over, and I felt highly agitated. That's when the coach voice took over and told me loud and clear that I was catastrophizing. I was less than a day in; of course, the injuries will get worse before they get better. “Give it time,” I told myself.

I used deep breathing methods to ground myself and shifted states by moving to a different room to distract myself with a bit of television. In addition, I used EFT to quiet the negative voices.

The lesson:

The human brain quickly goes down the path of catastrophic thinking, but your body will alert you when your worrisome brain goes into overdrive. You will experience things like anxiety, tenseness, stomach upset, and headaches. When you receive these signals, stop to ask yourself, “Do any of these manufactured predictions of the future need to be addressed immediately?” And “Do I know–for an absolute fact–that any of these awful things will happen?” The answers are: probably not and no.

In the subsequent phases of adjustment to my unfortunate reality, my brain changed directions, and I began to feel sorry for myself. Here I am, on my dream vacation, stuck in a small apartment with no view and a dangerous stairway. I would miss the spectacular pieces of ancient history I've waited a lifetime to see. I felt angry, sad, and lonely.

With my coach hat on again, I asked myself, “If you must stay in this room for several days, is this how you want to feel?” The answer was absolutely not. I could do nothing to change the situation, so how could I improve it?

I'll admit that even after I put some work into my mindset, some of the sadness remained, but the anger and grief were no longer amplified by it. It's natural to feel a bit sorry for yourself in such situations; I believe anyone would. But I would not let my feelings bring me down to the point of constant misery. So, I created goals and a plan. What entrepreneur doesn't feel better with goals and action steps in place?

First, practice gratitude.

I fell from the steps down onto the solid stone. I could have broken something or many somethings! I could have hit my head or fallen flat on my face. It could have been a truly catastrophic event. I am grateful that my injuries are relatively minor and will heal. I have two caring people with me who would look after me. I created a long list of “I'm really lucky” statements. Gratitude makes everything feel better!

Second, practice acceptance.

• I was in a disappointing situation and could not change it, but I could make the best of it, so I looked for the good.
• Gary and Rose would have some time alone in Rome. I'm sure that feels good to them.
• I brought my iPad, books, and iPhone. I could always find things to do, like writing this post while the facts and feelings were still fresh on my mind. (Although I didn't post it until I returned home.)
• I hadn't watched a movie in quite some time. Who gets to lay around in Rome and watch television? It's a new experience.

Third, expedite my healing.

I studied information online about healing a bad ankle sprain. Unfortunately, the apartment had no freezer, so there was no ice. Yet, ice is crucial to healing. I asked Gary and Rose to get those ice packs you snap to release a cold gel. Not ideal, but better than nothing.

I'd kept the ankle wrapped and elevated and put some magic Italian gel on it. I massaged it, and the knee, several times a day. On the third day, I began basic stretching and other exercises.

Last on the list: Set goals.

I know myself well. No matter what it took, I needed to leave the apartment after a full day inside. Once I got out for an hour or two, I could face another day inside if I continued to work at it. So, on the second morning, I met those challenging stairs with Gary's assistance. He and Rose then escorted me to a cafe where I began this article and sipped a delicious cappuccino while they painstakingly searched Rome for a cane. Later in the day, we took a short walk to a lovely historic restaurant and had a fun evening. I felt much better. On the third morning, I stayed at the Airbnb to rest my ankle, and that evening we attended our after-hours tour of the Vatican Museum and Sistine Chapel. It was a lot of walking and a ton of stairs, but I had a cane and a lot of determination, so I did it, and it was spectacular. A stoic guard even took mercy on me and invited us to ride in a secret elevator!

I continued to motivate myself by adjusting any negative thoughts to a positive mindset and spent my final two days in Italy seeing the sites. I walked miles a day on a badly sprained ankle and crooked cobblestone. It was slow but sure, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Having tools, creating processes, and fine-tuning your mindset can help you through a challenging setback. You don't have to be a professional coach to shape your negative thoughts into a positive vision and a plan to fit any situation. Use the following list as a guide to turn those sour lemons into delicious lemonade. (Oh, Italy has the best lemons, especially in Sorrento!)

• Be kind to yourself and avoid condemning your actions and choices.
• Acknowledge your feelings instead of pushing them down.
• Ask yourself questions like the ones I mentioned in this article.
• Pay attention when you're projecting or catastrophizing. Bring your thoughts back to reality.
• Figure out a plan to make the best of what you've got and to give yourself something to look forward to.
• Use this article as a template you can customize to your needs!

Two weeks after returning home, I don't reflect on a trip ruined by a sprained ankle. I look back at a dream come true and the beauty and richness of Italy. I remember being on the Mediterranean and dining in family-owned restaurants with a plate of homemade pasta and freshly caught shellfish. I think of the memories we created and spending precious time with two people I love. The ankle incident proved my strength and my family member's patience and kindness.

Do I wish the fall had never happened? Of course, I do; the darn ankle still stings, but I also feel proud of the coping mechanisms I put to work. The beautiful memories will far outlast the discomfort and inconvenience of what could have been a far worse incident. And, as my brother says, now I have a story to tell!

The post Here’s How I Just Changed a Shocking Experience to a Manageable Setback appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

Successful entrepreneurs see a direct correlation between the level of their success and the amount of work they've invested into a positive mindset.

Any thriving entrepreneur will tell you that personal development is paramount to success, but one component often gets overlooked in translation. No personal development regiment is complete without the ongoing development of a positive mindset.

Is “mindset” just a buzzword?

The word, mindset, is being used more often, not because it's a fad or phase, but because people are becoming increasingly aware of its importance. New studies in neuroscience continue to produce consistent evidence of the power of a positive mindset.

What exactly is mindset?

You possess a collection of thoughts and beliefs based on your unique life experiences. Some of them benefit you and support the likelihood of success, and many probably don't. These beliefs shape your thought habits and, therefore, your actions. They affect your energy levels and the way you feel in general. Your unique beliefs dictate how you view others, the world, and your future. Mindset is a big deal for everyone, but for entrepreneurs, mindset is everything.

I find that until an entrepreneur develops a positive, healthy, supportive mindset, they will not achieve their ultimate goals in life and business. A negative mindset never leads to success and happiness.

Successful entrepreneurs invest in their mindset.

The founder of the multi-billion-dollar company, Spanx, credits her success to the power of mindset development.

Blakely is not alone; successful entrepreneurs, in general, invest in themselves and habitually observe their thought patterns and related actions.

Build a foundation for a healthy, supportive mindset.

I've identified these 4 opportunities to Bullshift™ into a healthy mindset.

1. Resolve past hurts.

Carrying the burden of anger, resentment, pain, and/or a victim mentality weighs us down emotionally and physically. It depletes our energy and supports negative beliefs about others and the world in general. If you find yourself thinking and talking about life events that hurt you, you are perpetuating the painful effects of the incident. This cycle uses up more energy than you may believe–energy that could be applied to your business and happiness.

It's often difficult to let go of negative memories and the beliefs associated with them, let alone forgive those involved. If you are holding on to something from the past, work with a coach or therapist to resolve it.

2. Think positive thoughts.

Psychologist Rick Hansen, Ph.D., says that “negative events and experiences get quickly stored in memory, in contrast to positive events and experiences. Positive events usually need to be held in your awareness for a dozen (or more) seconds to transfer them from short-term memory buffers to long-term storage.” We have a cognitive bias toward failure and negativity, so it's natural to hold on to negative thoughts. We must put effort into positive thinking.

Positivity is a precursor to success, whereas negative thoughts narrow your mind and push you to hyper-focus on negativity. Positivity broadens your sense of possibility and opens your eyes and mind to the opportunities, ideas, and options that will support your success. This study, published by positive psychology researcher, Barbara Fredrickson, is only one of many that support these findings.

3. Believe in yourself.

Athletes frequently break records once believed to represent the limits of the human body. To achieve this, they must believe in themselves one hundred percent. Can an inventor build something that they do not believe in? No, they must believe in their project and their ability to bring it to fruition.

The practice of visualization is one of the most powerful means to raise your confidence and embed a stronger, more supportive belief system around success. If you spend only 20-seconds to a few minutes a day visualizing and, most importantly, feeling your success, it will make a remarkable difference in your life.

4. Be grateful.

Since it takes more effort to store positive experiences in our long-term memory, it's common for entrepreneurs to focus on what they have not done rather than their achievements. Flip that around by keeping a list of positive accomplishments, large and small. Also, add at least three things a day worthy of your gratitude. Avoid the “ya but” that you may tend to add after thinking or talking about a positive step you've made:

“Today, I crossed three things off my list.” (Feeling grateful.)
“Ya, but four more things got piled on.” (Feeling defeated.)

Celebrate even the most minor wins, and you'll experience many more victories. The benefits related to intentional gratitude are many. Here's a great resource, written by psychotherapist and Psychology Today author Amy Morin.

To Bullshift your way into a positive mindset takes an investment of time, persistence, dedication, and sometimes money. However, the time and effort spent on an empowering mindset offer the best ROI you'll ever experience.

The post 4 Steps to Bullshift Your Way Into a Positive Mindset for Success appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

First, let’s get something straight: there is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is no timeline or deadline. Grief pours into every crevasse of our lives; it is not a linear process. With that said, if a significant life change or a loss creates a chronic condition that won’t stop negatively impacting your emotional well-being, you probably need help looking at the deeper meaning.

A necessary part of the human experience is the inevitable pain of loss, illness, and unwelcome change. Your method of handling life events is based on your beliefs and how you perceive yourself. If, for instance, you experienced abandonment or the loss of a parent in your youth, you may be hypersensitive to loss. You may, for example, believe that those you love will eventually disappear from your life. On the other hand, your friend who has not loved and lost may grieve and appear to move on with comparative ease.

The challenge with differing beliefs is that it’s difficult to fathom the other person’s point of view. You can’t imagine your brain working that way. I remember experiencing this when my mom passed away. My heart was breaking; the loss felt unbearable. My siblings managed their emotions differently. “What did you think would happen? She was 92 years old,” one brother said to me. I viewed his remark as insensitive, and I couldn’t understand why he didn’t miss mom as much as I did.

Since then, I’ve learned that he does miss her; he simply found a different (less painful) path to acceptance. I misinterpreted his acceptance as a lack of love because I couldn’t imagine how he could love our mother and cope well with the loss. It felt as though these two experiences could not co-exist. I was wrong.

Do you find that things like loss, conflict, unwelcome change, and difficult news seem beyond your ability to manage emotionally? Does the deep pain and worry stay with you for years, often spiking, surprising you with deep, painful emotions at unexpected times? Suppose this harms your mental well-being. It may be helpful to look at how your personal paradigm was formed and whether you can shift your perspective. I’ve done this countless times over the years, and the experience is life-altering.

For me, loss has been the most challenging of life events to manage. Even the loss of one of my beloved dogs haunted me for many years. Friends who moved away, breaking up with someone I’ve dated, and most certainly the pain of loss when my husband and mother passed seemed insurmountable. I knew that my level of ongoing grief was not within normative values. It had a negative impact on my life in many ways. Something had to change, so I found help.

What I learned about myself is that loss threatened my sense of safety and well-being. My dog, Cooper, for instance, entered our lives only months after my husband passed. For five years, Cooper and I walked in the woods almost every day while I cried, vented, and created a new life for myself. Cooper was a vessel for my deepest emotions and a catalyst to my healing. On a subconscious level, I believed that losing him after only five years was a threat to my well-being and a stab in the back at my attempt to build a new life for my young children and me. He held my grief and my dreams; what now?

My mother was my best friend. We laughed and cried together. Mom rescued me from disaster on more than one occasion. Again subconsciously, losing her meant that my security and safety were next to go.

It’s natural to feel the pain of loss; it becomes a part of who you are. But when it threatens your mental health and ability to thrive, it’s a problem. However, you can create internal change that makes life more joyful and helps you find gratitude for all that is.

Remember, grief is not always attached to death. It comes from divorce, loss of a business, estrangement, loss of a job, and so many other life events. Don’t shy away from asking for professional help to assimilate your losses and find balance. Some life coaches are equipped to help you. There are grief counselors and coaches. And certainly, everyone can benefit from therapy.

What steps will you take to heal? Reach out to me; perhaps I can steer you in the right direction.

The post Why Do Others Quickly Recover from Grief, and I Don’t? appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

And then, when the moment would come for my interview to begin, I would sit down opposite the host and my upbeat, passionate personality would switch on like a lightbulb. I would speak confidently, powerfully, and authentically.

“So why, Marla,” I one day asked myself, “Why do you put yourself through weeks of misery to do something that is so natural for you?” And then, “How can I possibly shorten or eliminate this cycle of stress and anxiety before a speaking engagement?”

Today, as I await airtime, I'm excited and eager to have a platform where I can tell my story and perhaps help a few people move closer to their dreams. I did some preparation, of course, but it was fast and easy. I've had no stress, no anxiety, no cottonmouth.

What do you get anxious about doing? Public speaking, pitching your products or services? Attending meetings and networking engagements? Do you pour hours, days, or weeks of stress into projects that usually turn out just fine, despite your fears? You're not alone.

Tips to eliminate or decrease stress.

How can you calm your anxious fears? Begin with a review of the facts. For my speaking anxiety, I examined some of my past engagements and listed their positive aspects. Things like audience response (always good), how I felt on stage (alive and passionate), the event coordinator's reaction (very complimentary), the number of people who waited to speak to me after the event (often, a line formed). Once armed with my reality list (versus the B.S. I made up in my fear-brain), I began the process of managing my pre-stage stress cycle.

Keep track of your stress relief progress.

When you challenge yourself to shorten or eliminate your stress cycle, you must know if you're succeeding. Create a visual way to log your progression, like a spreadsheet or journal.

• How long do you dwell, worry, and procrastinate about your upcoming event?
• How stressful is this for you?
• In what ways does stress impact your life?
• Does it create tension in your body and make you constantly anxious?
• Does it show up in your mood and the way you treat yourself and others?
• Does it preoccupy you to the point that other things get put on hold?

Replace your made-up stories (B.S. thinking) with facts.

I call this process Bullshift™. You see, our minds love a good story. As we dwell on the scary parts of an important step, like a presentation, phone call, or meeting, our brains entertain us with false tales of looming failure. A written list of supportive facts can sweep in like a knight in shining armor. When you imagine yourself freezing like a deer in headlights, ask yourself if that's ever happened to you (probably not). Then look at your list to read about a time you aced a presentation. That's the story to focus upon. For every negative thought, train yourself to think about something from your list. Take the B.S. stories in your head and Bullshift™ them to empowering thoughts and facts. This process actually rewires your brain!

Beat procrastination caused by your stress.

Let's say you have a presentation coming up in 2 weeks. You've already spent a week freaking out about it or shoving it down into your procrastination space.  Go for a fast walk or another activity to get your physical energy moving. Physical activity creates a positive shift in your body, which also adjusts your mood. Now, sit down to complete one step on your presentation. Odds are, once you get moving, you will do more.

Talk to your business coach or someone else who will support you.

Talking about your fears is beneficial in many ways. For starters, it helps you to hear the B.S. that your brain is making up and gives you the opportunity to Bullshift™ it. If you speak with someone who knows you well (your business coach, mentor, a good friend), they will remind you of your truth. Immediately after your conversation, get to work. Don't give your brain the time to shift gears back to the negative.

Notice what mindset strategies work best for you.

Keep track of how you feel and what you achieve after doing each of these steps. Does talking to someone help immensely, or did it feel as though it increased your stress? Did you ask the right person to be your sounding board? How did you feel after exercising? Did it clear your mind? Find the actions that work best and keep doing them.

Repeat these mindset exercises often and continue to keep track of your success.

I performed this process through about 4-5 stressful experiences, spanning nearly six months. But I kept track and watched my stress cycle decrease in time and intensity. Remain focused and committed. Add other activities that help lower your stress and increase your productivity.

Acquire new tools, like EFT Tapping.

My television appearance was a local engagement. If I were on a national morning show, my stress level would have been much higher, naturally! However, these tools, along with my Secret Weapon, decrease that stress to a manageable level.  Learn more about my Secret Weapon, the Emotional Freedom Techniques (a.k.a., EFT or Tapping) here.

Keep working on reducing your cycle of stress and celebrate even the smallest win.

The post How to Decrease Stress Related to Speaking, Pitching, Selling, and More appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

As a tribute to Janine at this weekends memorial I will read this revised article that was published on Inc.com a few years ago. I hope you find value in the things I learned from my beautiful sister.

As you know, our sister Janine lived with Down syndrome. Every opportunity to spend in the shadow of her joyful spirit was an occasion to learn a valuable life lesson. I want to share some of them with you today…

1. Be considerate of others–no matter what is going on in your own life.

Janine was consistent in her caring attitude and consideration for others, even during the most trying of times. This quality stood out when she was in the hospital in critical condition. Every visitor received a smile, and when Janine was strong enough, she would ask how they were doing. In some cases, she even consoled her friends.

There's always time and energy to be kind, no matter what's going on in our personal world.

2. You don't need to meet social norms to be happy in life.

Marriage, having children, and total independence were out of the question for Janine. While she may have occasionally fanaticized about having a “normal” life, she found contentment and happiness in her reality. A loving boyfriend, good friends, and the people at Five Star were like family. Janine didn't need to lead the life she witnessed others living to feel happy and fulfilled.

Janine taught me to see my life through the lens of gratitude instead of lack.

3. Be bold.

During one of our phone conversations, Janine came right out and said, “I miss your zucchini bread. Can I have some?” Janine asked for what she wanted. My sister has taught me to step up and speak up boldly. Never feel self-conscious about being honest about your needs and desires. She got that loaf of zucchini bread within a couple of days.

4. Determination and grit pay off.

A few summers ago, doctors gave Janine only the slightest odds of survival as she battled a life-threatening infection. Our family helplessly stood by as she spent a week in an unconscious state, but we all knew she was a survivor and kept reminding her of that fact. Janine opened her eyes on a Sunday and announced that she was ready to go home. She worked hard in physical therapy to regain the use of her limbs and was home within two weeks.

She taught me that if we remain determined, we can conquer the toughest odds.

5. Hugs are priceless.

We grew up in a household of non-huggers. It took me years to overcome the awkwardness of hugging others as an adult, but Janine knew the value of a hug from day one. Witnessing her ability to connect and express caring through hugging taught me to do the same.

If you ever met my sister, you knew to always expect a hug–one that comes from the heart.

6. Forgiveness trumps anger and resentment.

Janine and her friend had been inseparable throughout their entire adulthood until difficult times tore them apart. It was devastating. What some may find unforgivable, Janine and her friend were able to set aside within weeks. Janine didn't not like feeling angry, so she chose not to.

I believe that her ability to release the burden of anger is one of the reasons that she had a happy life, so I follow in those footsteps.

7. Don't let life's struggles keep you down.

There is no time limit on grief, but I wasn't sure about Janine's future happiness when she encountered three devastating losses within two months. Silly me. Sure, there was an adjustment period and while she continued to grieve, as any of us would, she found joy again in no time.

Through Janine, I learned to look for joy to lift me out of the pain of loss.

8. Grieving is healthy.

Like most anyone, Janine mourned the loss of our parents. If I mentioned our mother in a conversation, Janine would sometimes cry and say she wanted mom back. While it was gut-wrenching in one moment, laughter filled the next.

Like Janine, we can all find the strength to face grief head-on without shame or embarrassment. Like Janine, we can find happiness again. Somehow, keeping that knowledge in my heart makes difficult times just a little more bearable.

9. We all make mistakes; it's what happens afterward that's important.

When Janine acted out or her stubborn resistance sets in, she would be the first to say, “I blew it.” She apologized when appropriate and worked on changing her behavior. Then, she would let go and gracefully slip right back into her happy state.

Janine showed me how to embrace my mistakes, learn from them, and move on.

Remember, when life challenges you, it doesn't serve us to focus on the pain and struggle. It's how you find your way through it and what you take away from the experience that matters most

I'll never need to say goodbye to Janine because through these life lessons and so much more, I'll carry her love and spirit in my heart forever. And I hope you will too…

The post My Sister Lived with Down Syndrome, and She Taught Me These Life Lessons appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

The Universe delivered, mostly. I guess I wasn’t specific enough in my weather-related request. I got my sunny, 50-degree day, but with winds that made it feel more like a chilly 35.

Still, from the inside of my home, I was able to enjoy the warm caress of the sun all afternoon long. It turned out to be a lovely birthday, with friends who stood on my front lawn bearing gifts of flowers, balloons, sweet local honey, and a delicious dinner.

Soon after my birthday, along came a rainy, windy, cold Mother’s Day. Ok, I have some mad mindset skills, but come on. Two special days, only a couple weeks apart, that I (along with many other moms of adult children) would spend cooped up and alone? Really?

Again, I shifted my mindset and felt fine about “celebrating” the day all by myself. Or, at least I thought so.

It wasn’t until dinner time on Mother’s Day (I made a delicious lasagna and salad) that the loneliness set in. I decided to voice text my daughter and as I began to speak my voice broke. As though some unknown force took over my emotions, a torrent of tears flooded my eyes, ending up in a mushy mess of mascara that ran down my burning cheeks. What the heck? I seriously didn’t know how much emotion I had suppressed. I cried, tapped, and let it out for a few minutes and then I was fine. Thank you, EFT!

There was something to learn from this sudden outburst of emotion, so I did a little internal exploration. Sure enough, a mild Ah-Ha moment came along as I thought about the nature of stress and its effects on the mind.

When the reality of a pandemic hit this country, we were all thrown into a state of acute stress. This is when the survival instinct kicks in because of what our brain believes is an immediate threat to our safety. Extreme reactions are involved, (thus the toilet paper rampage) including heightened anxiety about where we’ve been and who we’ve been exposed to. Will everyone we love survive this virus? Will the world ever be the same? Am I already infected?

Since that initial shock, most of us have transitioned from acute stress to the chronic stress phase: fewer extreme responses, but consistent underlying tension. Most of us know about the physical toll this can take on our bodies, but you may not be quite as aware of the mental toll. Chronic stress can cause certain physical and emotional responses that seem to come out of left field, like what happened to me on Mother’s Day. When symptoms of stress display themselves, it can be confusing.

Acknowledge your chronic stress.

Just last week one of my clients told me that since he’s healthy and his income has remained unaffected, he had no right to complain. Was he right to feel guilt and shame for being down?

Not at all. He has every right to his feelings. We all need to put a voice to our fears.

• No matter how well you’re doing under our current circumstances, your world has changed. Like the rest of us, you have no way of predicting if and when life as you know it will be restored.

Repeat after me: “Of course, I am stressed!”

• Tell your mind and body that it’s ok that you’re not at 100 percent right now. The fact that others are worse off than you are should not diminish your concerns and fears.  To remain healthy, everyone needs to access and experience their unhappy emotions.
• Let go of any guilt or resistance to experiencing whatever it is that you feel. Spend time taking care of yourself during your trek into unchartered territory.
• Most of the world has slowed down, so it’s ok to lower your expectations for a little while. Take breaks. Go for a bike ride or take a walk in the middle of the day. As a result, you'll feel better and be more productive.
• Add some nurturing activities to your day. Listen to a guided meditation at bedtime. Keep a journal to help you explore your thoughts and stress responses.

As they say, we are in this together, and in many ways that’s true. People around the entire globe are experiencing a life that's much different than they could have ever predicted. The inability to concentrate, sleepless nights, fatigue, and everything from sadness to anger are all a part of being human and “in this together.”

The post In the Words of Pink, It Hurts to be Human (During a Pandemic) appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

As a life coach and a self-professed neuroscience junky, I'm fortunate to have an understanding of how the brain works, as well as the tools to redirect my fearful, anxious thoughts. I knew that I was falling into the bandwagon effect of fear-based cognitive bias that's spreading at an alarmingly faster rate than the virus itself.

I'm not saying that we have no reason for concern. For some, it's challenging to avoid cognitive bias (the very normal and common tendency to overemphasize things that are recent and very vivid) because they are not slowing down to look at the real facts surrounding the Covid-19 pandemic. Anyone's imagination can run wild in situations like these.

Hey, it's no one's fault; this is how the brain functions. My point here is that we can shift our perspective and lower the stress that's related to catastrophic thinking. Remember, excessive stress weakens the immune system, so it's crucial that you take the time to address your anxious thoughts and feelings.

One way to do this is to slow down and recognize the whole truth, rather than focusing on only the negative aspects. Again, the brain quickly jumps on the train to spread negativity far and wide, and it takes a bit of work to direct that train to higher ground.

Examples of fear-based thinking and how to manage it:

If you hear, say, or think something like,

“They're saying that Coronavirus is going infect nearly all us; the world is changing, and it's scary.” (Feel your fear and anxiety mounting.)

Add more facts to your statement like,

“We know that a great majority of those infected are recovering. Many are experiencing few if any, symptoms.”

Here's another:

“I'm afraid that if I don't stock up on things, the stores will run out. What if I can't get my x,y,z?”

Add more facts:

The essential businesses, like grocery stores, will not shut down. Supplies will continue to come in. People who purchased 26 jumbo packs of mega roll toilet paper and a deep freezer's worth of frozen meats and vegetables won't go through it for a long time, so purchasing will slow down.

And then there's this:

“There aren't enough tests. Everyone needs to be tested; that's the only thing that will stop the spread.”

Add this thought:

Confirming that someone has the virus changes nothing; the treatment for unfavorable lung conditions remains the same. Anyone who is ill, whether or not it's Covid-19, needs to stay home or receive medical attention if (and that's a big if) their conditions worsen. All of us don't need to be tested. (This is not only my opinion; doctors and researchers say the same thing.)

If your thoughts are telling you this:

“My investments are dwindling. I fear that, soon, there won't be anything left! What am I going to do?”

Consider this:

The stock market historically rebounds. Your investments are long-term. Today your stocks are down, and soon they will rally.

When your brain jumps on the negative-thinking bandwagon, imagine a stop sign and divert your attention by doing something physical. Jump up and down, dance, turn on an exercise video, and follow along. Breaking the cycle of negativity is imperative to healing the mind. In the moment, it may feel difficult, but it's so incredibly easy once you change tracks. If you have to do it 50 times a day, it's worth it. Soon, your brain will catch on and slow down the negative soundtracks.

Have you ever used or heard of the Emotional Freedom Techniques, aka EFT and Tapping? I call this tool my Secret Weapon because it's just that powerful. While EFT is considered a self-help tool, working with a skilled practitioner is far more effective, especially with your more significant stressors. Contact me to talk about how I can help!

The post Are Your Thoughts Driving You Crazy Right Now? How to Minimize Fearful Thinking appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

I’m beginning to see more posts from people who are reaching out to their crowd with offers of help during this trying time. From running necessary errands for their senior and immunocompromised neighbors to offering free online support resources, these folks are funneling their internal energy into an outward-facing mission. But it's difficult to thrive through helping others when you are immobilized by fear.

Know this: Everyone is afraid right now because we are all human.  It’s absolutely normal and acceptable to be afraid. Even the strongest among us are deeply concerned about some aspects of this war on Coronavirus.

Love yourself first, no matter who you are or what you’re feeling in the moment. Fear is not a bad thing, it’s what we do with it and that can become destructive.

Also know that you’re not alone.

Remember, fear does not make you weak; it can motivate you to access your greatest strengths and qualities.

You are amazing, no matter what you’re feeling and thinking right now. There is no time better than now to harvest all of that amazingness and make a difference. Whether it’s within yourself, your household, or the communities beyond your front door, even the smallest gesture will make a big difference.

Time for my secret weapon.

You can ease your stress and summon up the strength to reach out to others, even in the smallest way. The Emotional Freedom Techniques is the most efficient, powerful tool I know to do just that. There are many video resources on Facebook and sites like The Tapping Solution to help you release some of your fear.

Tap as often as you can. Below are a few affirmations to say as you tap on the meridian points we use in EFT. Use these affirmations as a boost throughout your day. There is a free tapping chart available on my EFT page.

Tap on any of the points, even if you use only one or two of your favorite points. Remember that if you are out in public use points that are not on your face. Follow these affirmations as a script, choose only a few, and/or create your own—whatever works best for you.

Affirmations and acceptance of yourself.

I feel fearful right now, and I accept myself, fear and all.

Everyone feels the coronavirus fear, fear is human and acceptable.

I forgive myself for not being perfect because I am human.

I am not alone.

I choose [insert here] (hope, love, kindness, joy, peace, strength, etc.).

I also know that at this very moment, I am safe.

At this moment I am safe.

I choose to release some of my fear now. I fill myself with [peace and calm].

I accept [peace and calm] – I feel it in my heart.

I choose to allow [peace, hope, love, well-being] to fill my heart.

Love is abundant in this world.

I give and accept love freely and fully.

I am willing to release some of my fear, along with any other obstacles to peace.

In this moment, I am safe.

I am safe. I am loved. I am grounded.

I release all that does not serve me.

I breathe with ease and inner-calm.

My breath flows deeply and smoothly.

I choose a deep, cleansing breath now. (Breathe deeply)

In this moment, I am filled with peace.

I choose to focus on my blessings. I am grateful.

I am safe. I am loved. I am strong. I am grounded.

The post Affirmations and Emotional Freedom Techniques for Difficult Times appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

Confidence is at the core of success. It’s natural for confidence to ebb and flow, but when an entrepreneur gets stuck in a loop of negative thinking and action, they become their own greatest block to success.

As a business coach, I often work with entrepreneurs who can’t get ahead or stall out short of their vision. Don’t worry, if you identify with these patterns you’ve just found the reason for many of your problems and you have the power to change. Focus on your self-growth by tuning into helpful podcasts, reading books on leadership and positive mindset, and consider therapy and coaching. You’ll be amazed by the rapid growth in your business once you own your worth and ability to succeed.

You may be lacking in confidence when you:

Don’t charge enough.

Price your products and services too low, and you will lose business. If raising your rates makes you nervous, then inch them up slowly. Know your worth.

Apologize for everything.

“I'm so sorry to bother you.” As they say, the squeaky wheel gets the grease.  No need to be obnoxious, but confident and assertive behavior is more likely to get you what you want.

Over-explain or justify things.

Get to the point. If the other party wants a further explanation, they will ask for it. If you over-explain things, it generally means that you don't believe in what you are offering or what you're charging.

Don't handle objections well.

If someone you consider an ideal client can't (won't) afford your offerings, it's likely because they haven't come to grips with what their problem costs them. Ask the right questions and rephrase their answers to help them see the full picture.

Don't stay the path.

Entrepreneurs who don't believe in themselves reach for ideas that don't align with their core offerings and vision. Don't get distracted; go back to your plan and take action on the goals that make sense.

Are afraid to pivot.

If there is no market for it, you can't sell it. Be open to the signs, and don't give up. Have the confidence to make changes to your product and plan if you have concrete evidence that it won't work as it is.

Overcomplicate things.

The best plans are the simple ones; you can add the intricacies as you go and only when necessary.

Fear confrontation.

If you expect a conversation to become confrontational, then it will. A confident entrepreneur will have difficult discussions because they know when something or someone is holding them back.

Believe the negative chatter in your head.

We all have a reel of negative messages in our heads, and it gets loud when we're out of our comfort zone. Ignore them. Those nagging voices are nothing more than your amygdala doing its job of trying to keep you safe from the things you fear.

Dismiss compliments.

People don't usually dish out compliments only to be kind. Add every pat on the back to your arsenal of tools that boost your confidence.

Write your achievements off as easy; anyone can do it.

Your natural abilities and the experience you have in your field can make things seem easy and uncomplicated to you. Your ideal client can't do what you do; see it from their perspective.

Won't ask for help.

Successful entrepreneurs don't do it alone. Mentors, coaches, helpful friends and family, and employees are all a part of the package that leads to success.

Can’t admit to your mistakes.

Some of the most valuable information lies within our mistakes and failures. Learn from them rather than deny them.

Won't challenge others.

Even the most brilliant people don't see the full picture every time. If your clients, or anyone else, is being short cited, politely offer another viewpoint.

Won't invest in yourself.

I've met too many entrepreneurs who lose money because they don't spend money. Software and proper tools, education and personal growth investments, marketing collateral, and employees or freelancers all have incredible value. If you believe in yourself, then plan for these investments.

Look outward for approval.

Affirmation and approval are nice but consider them the cherries on the cake. You know you're amazing; follow your inner compass.

Negate your wins.

Rather than focusing on all that remains to be done, acknowledge even the smallest increments of success. Everyone needs to see evidence that they're heading in the right direction.

Forget your passion and your why.

You're probably doing this for more than an opportunity to make money. When you keep your eye on that reason and feel the passion behind it, others will respond to it. It also recharges your batteries.

Over prepare for pitches and proposals.

The time you spend on a prospect before getting paid needs to be commensurate to the worth of the job. Know your stuff and believe in yourself instead of sending wordy, multi-page documents explaining your worth.

Accept clients who aren't a good fit.

Define your offerings and accept clients who will benefit from them. If you redefine to fit the prospect's desires, no one will be happy. Think about all of the people out there who need what you do and have faith that customers will find their way to you.

Won't delegate.

Believe that you are savvy enough to hire the right people and then let them do their jobs. You'll make mistakes, and so will they. It's all a part of your growth as an entrepreneur.

Often lose your temper or become anxious.

Understandably, you sometimes feel anxious and irritable. These are the times to focus on your breathing, the things you've achieved, and positive thoughts about the future. Intense outbursts and moods diminish your energy, creativity, and clarity.

Let failure define you.

Your idea or business didn't work out as envisioned. Perhaps smaller issues make you feel as though you've failed. Learn from your failures and mistakes and, remember, failure doesn't define you, giving up does.

Can't envision a bright and prosperous future.

What you think is important; what you believe creates your future. Send positive messages to your brain by envisioning and feeling the rewards of your hard work.

Do too many of these signs describe your behavior and emotions? Contact me today—because we can change that.

The post 24 Signs That You Lack the Confidence of an Entrepreneur appeared first on Marla Tabaka.