negative thinking Archives - Marla Tabaka

When “I Don’t Feel Safe” Really Means “I Feel Uncomfortable”

Marla Tabaka — Tue, 03 Feb 2026 13:59:12 +0000

And Why That Distinction Matters More Than We Think

Somewhere along the way, the word safe started showing up everywhere.

In coaching.
In relationships.
In workplaces.
In friendships.
In group settings.

“I don’t feel safe.”
“I need a safe space.”
“That doesn’t feel safe to me.”

The word has become common in everyday conversation, often used to express discomfort, vulnerability, or emotional exposure. And sometimes, that language is completely appropriate. Physical safety is real. Trauma is real. Harassment and harm are real.

There are situations where someone truly is unsafe, such as being stalked, living with domestic violence, facing sexual harassment, or experiencing repeated intimidation or threats. In those moments, safety is not a metaphor. It is urgent and literal. And this is where clarity becomes empowering. Safety is real, but so is discomfort, and they are not interchangeable.

Safety Isn’t the Same as Discomfort

There is a difference between being unsafe and being uncomfortable.

Being unsafe might mean:

You are being threatened or controlled at home
You are experiencing repeated boundary violations that feel threatening or escalating
You fear retaliation if you speak up
You are experiencing harassment or abuse
Your body is signaling real physical danger

Being uncomfortable might mean:

You are having a hard conversation
You are receiving criticism
You are being challenged emotionally
You feel exposed or uncertain
You are facing something that requires courage

Both experiences can feel intense, but they are not the same.

When we blur the line, we risk turning normal emotional discomfort into perceived danger.

The Brain Makes This Complicated

The brain is tricky. Our nervous system can respond to emotional exposure in ways that feel very real in the body. Moments of uncertainty, conflict, or social rejection can activate the same threat circuitry that responds to physical danger. Research even shows that social rejection can light up areas of the brain associated with physical pain. So emotional distress is not imaginary. It matters. This is where language becomes important. When we label emotional discomfort as “unsafe,” we may start teaching the brain to interpret ordinary challenges as threats.

A hard conversation can begin to feel dangerous.
Feedback can feel harmful.
Vulnerability can feel like something to avoid.

While that reaction is understandable, discomfort is also part of growth. Many meaningful changes require us to tolerate some emotional unease as we find our voice and build confidence.

When “Unsafe” Becomes a Loss of Power

Here is my concern.

When the word unsafe is used in situations where there is no immediate physical threat, it can sometimes take away a person’s sense of agency.

Unsafe can imply:

I cannot handle this
I need protection before I can engage
Something is happening to me that I cannot change

Over time, that framing can pull focus away from what is often most needed:

learning boundaries
finding the right words
speaking up with clarity
taking action
removing yourself from unhealthy situations

In those cases, the goal is not to dismiss discomfort, but to support empowerment. Confidence is built through learning, practice, and brave action, not through avoiding anything that feels hard.

Women and the Cultural Overlap

To be clear, women have real historical and lived reasons to care about safety. Globally, 1 in 3 women experience physical or sexual violence in their lifetime, according to the World Health Organization. So the desire for safety is not imaginary or dramatic. It is grounded in reality.

At the same time, we are seeing the word safe expand into areas where what is really being described is emotional discomfort, fear of judgment, or anxiety around conflict. That expansion can unintentionally create confusion. Discomfort deserves compassion, but it is not always a sign of danger. Sometimes it is simply the feeling of growth beginning.

Better Alternatives to the Word “Safe”

One of the most empowering shifts we can make is choosing language that keeps our strength intact. If what you really mean is emotional activation, uncertainty, or vulnerability, here are some clearer options:

Instead of “I don’t feel safe,” try:

“I feel anxious right now.”
“This topic is hard for me.”
“I feel emotionally exposed.”
“I’m feeling activated and I want to stay present.”
“I need support to have this conversation.”
“I’m uncomfortable, but I want to work through it.”
“I need a space where I won’t be judged.”
“I don’t feel steady yet.”

These statements do not remove your power. They tell the truth while still affirming capability.

A Coaching Question That Brings Clarity

When someone says, “I don’t feel safe,” a gentle and helpful question can be:

Am I in danger, or am I in discomfort?

That question is not meant to minimize feelings. It simply restores precision. Because discomfort is often the space where growth begins.

Final Thought: Safety Is Valuable, Strength Is Essential

Of course we want emotional trust.
Of course we want respect and support.

But we also want courage.

Sometimes the most empowering truth is this:

You can feel afraid and still act.
You can feel uncomfortable and still speak.
You can feel anxious and still choose freedom.

Discomfort is not the enemy. It is often the doorway to confidence.

The post When “I Don’t Feel Safe” Really Means “I Feel Uncomfortable” appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

Here’s How I Just Changed a Shocking Experience to a Manageable Setback

Marla Tabaka — Fri, 09 Jun 2023 16:30:25 +0000

As a coach, I sometimes need to remind myself to utilize my coaching skills and tools for my own well-being. Assisting others through their false narratives, pain, doubts, and fears comes naturally to me. Most often, it's second nature for me to employ these tools, but it isn't always easy in my personal life. During the final week of a month-long journey through Italy this spring, I had an opportunity to navigate through a difficult transition to find a few valuable gems in an unfortunate situation.

So, here's the story.

Italy was, without a doubt, a trip of a lifetime; however, during the final week, I needed to step up my coping mechanisms to make a difficult adjustment. After three glorious weeks of taking in Italy's spectacular cities and countryside with my brother, Gary, and sister-in-law, Rose, I was excited to experience Rome. The Colosseum, the Forum, the Vatican, the Trevi Fountain, and so much more were awaiting; however, the Universe had different plans for me.

Setbacks happen.

On our final night in Sorrento before traveling to Rome, I sprained my ankle and injured my knee in a nasty fall. It could have been so much worse as I fell hard from the steps onto a marble landing. Still, it hurt like hell! It's a bad sprain, made worse by the knee injury on the opposite leg.

Different personality types respond to setbacks in different ways.

What do you think your initial reaction would've been if you were in my situation? Here's how it went for me.

Immediately after the fall, my initial questions were what most people would ask themselves. How bad is it? Can I move? In how many places am I injured? And then, how will I get up from down here?

After that, I moved on to thoughts similar to what you'd experience for an empathy-driven individual in this situation.

Oh no, how awful for Gary and Rose to have seen me fall like that.
Now their trip is going to be ruined.
Gary had paid for the tours, and now I can't take them; what a waste of money.
I'm going to slow them down, and I'll be a burden.
What if I need medical care? That will ruin everything for them!
I don't want them to worry about me on their vacation!

These fears were a lot to process, and I became overwhelmed and anxious. The fall and all these initial thoughts happened in less than a minute, and I quickly realized the need to access my coping skills, so on went the coach hat. (This was all before I even got off the ground!)

Once I was standing, with the help of my brother, I immediately acknowledged to myself that I was projecting. “If roles were reversed and I witnessed one of them experience a bad fall, would I be thinking about the remainder of my trip being ruined,” I asked myself. The answer was no. I would be deeply concerned for the injured person and think about what I could do to help them. With this shift in perspective, my panic receded, and I could focus on what I needed.

The lesson:

When a setback involves others, don't project. You have no idea how they are feeling or what their thoughts are, and there will be plenty of time to work out the details later. Take care of yourself first and ask for what you need.

Of course, this coach would have more opportunities to turn her skills inward. By the next morning, the pain and swelling worsened in the ankle and the knee. I was alone at the AirBnB and began worrying that I might need medical attention. Would my insurance cover it? Where would I go, and how would I get down the awful stairs lurking just outside the door? Would anyone speak English at the medical center? What would happen if I waited for medical care until I got home a week from now? If there's a fracture, will it be too late to treat it?

As you can see, the negative voices in my head were working overtime. My body became tense all over, and I felt highly agitated. That's when the coach voice took over and told me loud and clear that I was catastrophizing. I was less than a day in; of course, the injuries will get worse before they get better. “Give it time,” I told myself.

I used deep breathing methods to ground myself and shifted states by moving to a different room to distract myself with a bit of television. In addition, I used EFT to quiet the negative voices.

The lesson:

The human brain quickly goes down the path of catastrophic thinking, but your body will alert you when your worrisome brain goes into overdrive. You will experience things like anxiety, tenseness, stomach upset, and headaches. When you receive these signals, stop to ask yourself, “Do any of these manufactured predictions of the future need to be addressed immediately?” And “Do I know–for an absolute fact–that any of these awful things will happen?” The answers are: probably not and no.

In the subsequent phases of adjustment to my unfortunate reality, my brain changed directions, and I began to feel sorry for myself. Here I am, on my dream vacation, stuck in a small apartment with no view and a dangerous stairway. I would miss the spectacular pieces of ancient history I've waited a lifetime to see. I felt angry, sad, and lonely.

With my coach hat on again, I asked myself, “If you must stay in this room for several days, is this how you want to feel?” The answer was absolutely not. I could do nothing to change the situation, so how could I improve it?

I'll admit that even after I put some work into my mindset, some of the sadness remained, but the anger and grief were no longer amplified by it. It's natural to feel a bit sorry for yourself in such situations; I believe anyone would. But I would not let my feelings bring me down to the point of constant misery. So, I created goals and a plan. What entrepreneur doesn't feel better with goals and action steps in place?

First, practice gratitude.

I fell from the steps down onto the solid stone. I could have broken something or many somethings! I could have hit my head or fallen flat on my face. It could have been a truly catastrophic event. I am grateful that my injuries are relatively minor and will heal. I have two caring people with me who would look after me. I created a long list of “I'm really lucky” statements. Gratitude makes everything feel better!

Second, practice acceptance.

I was in a disappointing situation and could not change it, but I could make the best of it, so I looked for the good.
Gary and Rose would have some time alone in Rome. I'm sure that feels good to them.
I brought my iPad, books, and iPhone. I could always find things to do, like writing this post while the facts and feelings were still fresh on my mind. (Although I didn't post it until I returned home.)
I hadn't watched a movie in quite some time. Who gets to lay around in Rome and watch television? It's a new experience.

Third, expedite my healing.

I studied information online about healing a bad ankle sprain. Unfortunately, the apartment had no freezer, so there was no ice. Yet, ice is crucial to healing. I asked Gary and Rose to get those ice packs you snap to release a cold gel. Not ideal, but better than nothing.

I'd kept the ankle wrapped and elevated and put some magic Italian gel on it. I massaged it, and the knee, several times a day. On the third day, I began basic stretching and other exercises.

Last on the list: Set goals.

I know myself well. No matter what it took, I needed to leave the apartment after a full day inside. Once I got out for an hour or two, I could face another day inside if I continued to work at it. So, on the second morning, I met those challenging stairs with Gary's assistance. He and Rose then escorted me to a cafe where I began this article and sipped a delicious cappuccino while they painstakingly searched Rome for a cane. Later in the day, we took a short walk to a lovely historic restaurant and had a fun evening. I felt much better. On the third morning, I stayed at the Airbnb to rest my ankle, and that evening we attended our after-hours tour of the Vatican Museum and Sistine Chapel. It was a lot of walking and a ton of stairs, but I had a cane and a lot of determination, so I did it, and it was spectacular. A stoic guard even took mercy on me and invited us to ride in a secret elevator!

I continued to motivate myself by adjusting any negative thoughts to a positive mindset and spent my final two days in Italy seeing the sites. I walked miles a day on a badly sprained ankle and crooked cobblestone. It was slow but sure, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Having tools, creating processes, and fine-tuning your mindset can help you through a challenging setback. You don't have to be a professional coach to shape your negative thoughts into a positive vision and a plan to fit any situation. Use the following list as a guide to turn those sour lemons into delicious lemonade. (Oh, Italy has the best lemons, especially in Sorrento!)

Be kind to yourself and avoid condemning your actions and choices.
Acknowledge your feelings instead of pushing them down.
Ask yourself questions like the ones I mentioned in this article.
Pay attention when you're projecting or catastrophizing. Bring your thoughts back to reality.
Figure out a plan to make the best of what you've got and to give yourself something to look forward to.
Use this article as a template you can customize to your needs!

Two weeks after returning home, I don't reflect on a trip ruined by a sprained ankle. I look back at a dream come true and the beauty and richness of Italy. I remember being on the Mediterranean and dining in family-owned restaurants with a plate of homemade pasta and freshly caught shellfish. I think of the memories we created and spending precious time with two people I love. The ankle incident proved my strength and my family member's patience and kindness.

Do I wish the fall had never happened? Of course, I do; the darn ankle still stings, but I also feel proud of the coping mechanisms I put to work. The beautiful memories will far outlast the discomfort and inconvenience of what could have been a far worse incident. And, as my brother says, now I have a story to tell!

The post Here’s How I Just Changed a Shocking Experience to a Manageable Setback appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

When Life as an Entrepreneur Feels Like a Living Hell, Metaphorical Inspiration

Marla Tabaka — Mon, 08 May 2023 09:41:48 +0000

I am currently living one of my lifelong dreams of traveling Italy for a month, enjoying every second of it as we progress through the third week. An interesting fact about the Italian people: Many believe America is the dreamland for entrepreneurs because success is more achievable and straightforward. I don't know what it's like to operate a business in Italy, but taxes are extraordinarily high at 59.1% of profit. According to this article, Italy ranks 58th for overall ease of doing business and 98th for starting a business out of 190 economies. So, a part of me understands the common Italian perception that the United States is an entrepreneurial haven. But as they say,

The details are in the devil.

This old idiom alludes that something may seem simple, but in fact the details are complicated and likely to cause problems. For business owners in Italy, the details are most definitely complex, but some may find disappointment should they choose to come to the US to live out the American Dream. One of the reasons I feel that's true is that Italians, like most, believe that success is hard and you must struggle your way through it alone.

Entrepreneurial Success is Hard.

As a coach, I've learned that the familiar refrain, “Success is hard,” is a shared belief system among entrepreneurs, and we certainly experience hard times. The path to success isn't always easy, but it doesn't have to be a living hell either.

During our stay in Verona, Italy, we toured Dante's Inferno. We had an excellent guide who shared the lore of Dante's grueling travels through hell and purgatory to find his way to Heaven. The young guide told us that one of the greatest sins for those destined for hell is the refusal to ask for help. It's pride, he told us, and it's a lack of desire to achieve something meaningful. “Strong, positive desires point us toward heaven,” he said.

That said, Dante's great need and desire to find his one true love, Beatrice, kept him strong and determined enough to climb the treacherous path from hell and graduate through the levels of purgatory to the Garden of Eden, and Beatrice, in Heaven.

Being an Entrepreneur Should Not Feel Lonely.

As a coach of twenty years, I have learned that the entrepreneur who attempts to travel alone on their path to success experiences more hard times than those who are wise enough to look to coaches and mentors for help along the way. Business owners who finally come to me for help have often reached the point where owning a business truly feels like a living hell.

This article is not intended to be a lesson in religion but to translate these religious beliefs into a powerful metaphor for the human journey, most certainly the entrepreneurial journey.

Trusting Others is a Healthier Choice Than Doing Everything Yourself.

One of the greatest challenges entrepreneurs face in growth stage is to trust. Trust the guidance of an experienced mentor or coach, trust employees to take over parts of the operation, and trust themselves to find the success they seek. Dante, I thought, was like an entrepreneur practicing free will and learning about the power of choice. The tormented Italian poet could ask for help, assist others in the journey, and remain determined to reach his destination. The alternative choices would be to travel alone, unaided by fellow travelers, unwilling to lend a helping hand, and possibly give up the journey altogether or fail. Either way, each choice has its consequences, some desirable, some not so much.

We are here on earth to learn and grow; there's no denying that. Every missed opportunity and denial of support caused by stubbornness and refusal to change keep us in our metaphorical hell or purgatory. When entrepreneurs feel stuck and don't seek help, they deny the human right to choose freedom from these punitive environments and experiences. It's first important to acknowledge that you don't know everything you need to know to reach your intended destination. It's imperative to understand that asking for help does not make us weak or less than. With a strong desire to achieve, virtually everything is possible unless we attempt to do it alone.

Sometimes, Being Alone is a Selfish Choice.

As entrepreneurs struggle with daily challenges and financial woes, the act of going it alone could be misconstrued as a selfish one. Why? Because we then deny yet another human right to achieve our desires. And, because it's not only you who suffers. Think of those around you, people who care for you, and what they must be going through as they watch you suffer. Ask yourself, “How are the people I love affected by my current position?” Also, think of the people who want to help. Consider not only those close to you but coaches like me. There is no greater joy and privilege than working with a client who is open to receiving help, eager to succeed, and willing to change. Watching entrepreneurs journey to their idea of Heaven is one of the most thrilling experiences of my life. It's the same for your family and friends who want to witness you living your dream.

***Contact me to explore if I can help you to reach your entrepreneurial dream!***

You get to choose!

Is it time to exercise your freedom to choose? Because, yes, it is possible to choose success over failure. Through my experience of owning businesses, living life as I choose, and witnessing countless entrepreneurs decide to open their minds to change, I will tell you that you don't have to struggle and suffer. If your business model is truly viable, yet success alludes you, it only means that you are missing the answers that lie within you. It takes an outside perspective to help you find those answers and open the path to learning and growing.

Dante eventually landed in Heaven with his beloved Beatrice because he had a dream and allowed his fellow travelers to support him. He chose to aid others as he could and believed in the group's ability to reach Heaven, despite the temptations of crippling whispers from the devil. We all hear those whispers. Perhaps not from the devil, but the whispers of our inner critic that tell us to stop, give up, and deny our strengths, gifts, and talents. Don't listen to that voice, no matter how loud and ugly it gets. Instead, learn how to silence the damaging soundtracks, seek assistance in your growth journey, and believe in your ability to get there!

The post When Life as an Entrepreneur Feels Like a Living Hell, Metaphorical Inspiration appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

The Silent Epidemic: Depression in Entrepreneurs

Marla Tabaka — Fri, 01 Jul 2022 15:50:37 +0000

Entrepreneurs are 4x more likely to suffer from depression than their neighbors, friends, and family members who represent the general population. The United States ties for second place for the highest rate of depression with Estonia and Australia at 5.9%. Second only to the citizens of Ukraine who are involved in a tragic war. Sadly, depression in entrepreneurs is so common it represents a good chunk of a depressed population at a whopping 30%!

As a business coach, I have an opportunity to help affected business owners with their depression and to consider that their mysteriously dark thoughts and behaviors come from the depression they usually don't even know they have. The reason you may not think of it as depression is that if you see yourself as high functioning and expect yourself to ‘buck up,' as entrepreneurs do, you may be aware that you don't feel great, but you'll chalk it up to stress and other factors that don't include depression. With depression in entrepreneurs at a rate of 30 percent, this is truly a silent epidemic.

Why is depression in entrepreneurs so prevalent?

I can identify many reasons for the epidemic proportions of depression in entrepreneurs, and I'm confident that researchers have identified many more. The thoughts and information in this article come from nearly twenty years of successfully coaching small business owners; I am not a therapist. Here are the depression-triggering facts I witness most often.

Some entrepreneurs are predisposed to mental illness.

Many studies argue that some entrepreneurs are predisposed to mental illness, including depressive tendencies. The same qualities that make you an outstanding entrepreneur: creativity, ability to pivot, empathy, independence, visionary, and crisis-management skills may be rooted in negative life experiences. If you have experienced any level of trauma in your past, it likely resulted in many negative beliefs about yourself and the world around you. Experiences of failure, shame, perfectionism, and emotional or physical abuse, lead to anxiety and self-doubt, which can lead to varying levels of depression.

However, even if you were blessed with an idyllic childhood and a life relatively free of trauma, it does not disqualify you from depressive tendencies. The risks and uncertainty that come with the emotional rollercoaster that is a founder's life can be enough to push us to the brink of a breakdown. There is tremendous pressure to succeed from both internal and external sources. Mostly, entrepreneurs are hardest on themselves.

What are the primary stressors that lead to depression in entrepreneurs?

Aside from the above, the climate of the business world is quite harsh. There's competition, lack of funding, employees and candidates who ghost business owners, managing others, client issues, and rapidly advancing technologies that take money and education to keep up. As a founder, you have a world of weight on your shoulders and little opportunity to go off-grid to escape the crazy.

As though the external challenges aren't enough, they are compounded by negative self-talk and beliefs that can make you feel incapable or undeserving. Skim through my other blogs and Inc.com articles for more on this mindset and what to do about it.

Why it's difficult to spot depression in yourself.

If you've lived with depression for any length of time, it's hard to identify if your moods, thoughts, and behaviors are “just who you are” or symptoms of depression. Also, you're busy; who has time to slow down to evaluate this problem? Lastly, what if you discover you are depressed? That's scary, right?

The good news is that therapy, a good life and business coach, a healthier lifestyle, alternative treatments, and possibly (but not always) medication can resolve most issues. Why live a life of anxiety, high stress, and sad thoughts if you don't have to? It used to be taboo to discuss mental health; luckily, those days are gone.

How to spot depression in yourself.

Pay attention to your thoughts and moods. Prolonged sadness, anger, and frustration may be signs that you are depressed.

You're tired. Of course, you are, but depression comes with a whole new level of fatigue. Pay attention to your energy patterns.

Poor concentration. You may believe that what I call entrepreneurial ADHD comes with the territory. That's not always true. Your habits, beliefs, and lack of clarity contribute to poor concentration.

You may have a lack of appetite and trouble sleeping. Watch for any change in mood, habits, or attitudes that don't feel good to you.

Do you drink more alcohol than you'd like to admit?

A drink or two takes the edge off, but note if your drinking (or other self-medicating) habits have increased. This could be a sign that your coping mechanisms are over-taxed.

Indecisiveness and overwhelming feelings that muddy up your clarity.

Sometimes these feelings get so big that we shut down and use productive procrastination to avoid thinking about strategy and gaining clarity. Sometimes, even the most basic decisions feel overwhelming.

You don't feel like spending time with others.

You are excluding yourself from everyday social situations and avoiding others. This could be happening because your stress and depressive tendencies are taking up all of your energy. It's challenging to make small talk when you're facing tough problems.

Resolving depression in entrepreneurs.

The first step for anyone is to recognize that you aren't happy and are not alone, even though you may feel lonely. Many of your peers have gone or are going through bouts of depression. Society expects entrepreneurs to be tough and resilient, but we are all human with feelings, needs, and limits.

Try to put things in perspective.

Every problem becomes amplified when the brain is operating in a depressed state. Our stress bucket becomes full, and any minor issue can create an overflow. We also have negative recordings that yell at us from inside our heads; I'm not good or smart enough, I don't deserve success, I'm going to fail, so many people are counting on me, I can't let them down. I have many articles on my site about “BullShifting™” negative thinking. Check this one out.

Think about all the problems you've resolved in the past.

When we're involved in an anxiety-inducing issue, it feels like the world's weight is crashing upon us. You've felt this way before; what happened then? Most often, our worst fears don't manifest themselves. Even if they do, there are few circumstances from which we don't recover. You've probably faced heavier challenges and made it to the other side.

If simple positive mindset shifts are not helping your depression, please find a professional to work with for a while. If your depression is deep and long-lasting, interview some therapists to find one who resonates with your belief system. A coach with training and experience working with entrepreneurs is a great choice to complement therapy or as a stand-alone approach if you believe treatment is unnecessary. A good, ethical coach will gently nudge you toward therapeutic assistance if your situation is beyond their scope of practice.

Remember your mission and vision; you have a purpose to achieve. Ask for help so you can be happy in life and business and get to your goals efficiently. It's just better that way.

The post The Silent Epidemic: Depression in Entrepreneurs appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

The Economy Has Tanked; My Small Business Will Never Make It. Bullshift!

Marla Tabaka — Tue, 22 Mar 2022 20:13:39 +0000

As small business owners, we've all learned that we may be on top of the world today and under its weight tomorrow. Cashflow is one of the drivers that make this so. Whether your industry takes a hit or the economy plunges, a sudden income drop can become paralyzing.

It takes work, ingenuity, and smarts, but rest assured; you can find your way through the tough times. You'll need to keep your head on straight and view this period as an opportunity for change. If you engage in negativity, then see it for what it is–Bullshift!

1. Find the Bullshift™ by examining the true reason for your financial woes.

It's not unusual for struggling business owners to blame fickle customers, employees who don't get it, and a changing industry that leaves them feeling out of control. The blame list goes on and on, and some of these reasons are sound, but that doesn't mean you can't do anything about it. Usually, the more significant problem is within the entrepreneur, so your mindset is the first thing to examine. What is the real reason for your situation? Be honest with yourself, asking what you are afraid of about taking the next steps.

Once you isolate the problems (usually, there's more than one reason for financial stress), you can create a plan to address them skillfully and creatively. Often, it's not as tragic as you may believe. This is where a good coach or therapist comes in handy; perhaps that could be your very first step.

2. Eliminate expenses unnecessary to your small business.

During more abundant times, many entrepreneurs are tempted to spend money unnecessarily. Some of these temptations are new office space, nicer cars, overstaffing, and increased personal spending. Always consult with your accountant and talk things through with your coach or mentor before making decisions like these. Look at your profit and loss statements to help you recognize opportunities to adjust your spending. Be sure to weigh the pros and cons of laying off team members. If it leaves you in the position of doing all the work and none of the strategic growth efforts, it may not be a wise choice.

3. Find your low-hanging fruit.

Sometimes we don't see the opportunities right in front of us. The most efficient means to increase your small business's cashflow is often found within your existing customer and prospect lists. Upsell them, offer something new, and connect them more often and more effectively.
Is your website's traffic volume adequately reflected in your conversion rates? Are you missing an opportunity to sell something that visitors to your site aren't finding? Examine your sales funnel if your conversion rates are low.
Lastly, look at your accounts receivable; how many of your accounts are past due? AR is often a goldmine that small business owners hesitate to act upon. Put a plan in place to get more aggressive about collecting monies due.

4. Market like crazy.

If a dip in the economy is the reason for your cash flow issue, other businesses are likely suffering. Just like you, they are tightening the budget. The marketing budget is usually one of the first cuts that business owners make, and that's not always a smart idea. However, you can use this to your advantage because advertising rates may also be slashed. Take advantage of lower rates and out-market your competition even if the economy causes buyers to cut back and the audience is smaller than it used to be. You'll get ahead of the game if you gain the lion's share of the audience.

5. Repackage your services or products.

How can you offer a bargain or something fresh and new to your customers? I have a client who manufactures and sells a popular line of dishes and accessories for tabletop décor. By examining her market more closely, she determined that customers like bundled product offerings in addition to individual selections. With a slight break in price and attractive packaging for these gift sets, now her customers buy more items from her website. She has made purchasing and gift-giving easier, appealing to the customer's urge to buy.

You can do the same if you offer a service. Look for missed opportunities in the way you package and price your services so you can create something new and attractive for your audience.

6. Adapt and innovate.

Innovative companies survive difficult times because they adapt, not only when times are tough but always. You can ask your customers what they want, but, as Steve Jobs said, they don't know. Where do you see future trends going?

The templated design platform, Canva, is one example of a trendsetter. They are listed on Fast Company's 2022 50 Most Innovative Companies, referred to as a word processor for our modern digital design culture. The company has rolled out tools for every form of content imaginable, making good design accessible to people like you and me.

How can you become a leader in creating new trends?

7. Show your customers more love.

It's impossible to place a value on brand loyalty. Provide a great product or service, ease of use, outstanding customer service, and other efforts that make you unique. Your customers will become vocal advocates for your brand. Don't be stingy in developing campaigns and implementing policies that will turn your customers into raving fans.

Make sure that your efforts are well thought out, or you will suffer the consequences as this restaurant owner did:

Restaurant “xyz” is the fifth dining establishment to occupy a specific building in my area. The other four have failed miserably. When the newest restaurant hit the one-year mark, they sent a clever email blast about breaking the property's curse. Almost as an afterthought, they thanked their loyal customer base for making it possible. Nice, but where's the real show of appreciation? They ended the email by telling us to keep coming in to purchase more food and drink so their success could continue. No discount offers or other creative expressions of thanks. This indiscretion has not gone unnoticed, as diners have made comments on social media and among themselves. The restaurant saw a dip in business. While it wasn't long-lasting, I'm confident the restaurant was negatively impacted.

Want to see how you can generate even more ideas specific to you and your unique style and business? Contact Me today!

The post The Economy Has Tanked; My Small Business Will Never Make It. Bullshift! appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

Coaching for Entrepreneurs Growing a Small Business

Marla Tabaka — Wed, 09 Sep 2020 14:50:23 +0000

As if the normal challenges of growing a small business aren't enough, 2020 ushered in an epidemic that has altered life and business as we know it. Business coaching for entrepreneurs could be something you consider as a way forward.

The pandemic…

It’s left you exhausted, sometimes to the point of feeling slightly ill.
Your positive energy may rebound here and there, but it’s not sustainable.
Sometimes you feel like you’re up against impossible odds.
And, you wonder, “What’s wrong with me?”

If you absorb nothing else in this post, take this in…

There is nothing wrong with you!

Growing a Small Business Can Be Hard, But Not Impossible–Even Now

When the consequences of the pandemic set in most people experienced high levels of constant stress. Acute stress is brought on by situations ranging from threat to life to the intense pressure of an important event. In many cases, the adrenalin from acute stress gives us the energy we need to get through these times. When a high-stress situation is prolonged, like what’s happening around us now, the stress becomes chronic—and it’s exhausting. It may even affect your health, and it certainly reduces your energy, mental capacity, and drive. Growing a small business now may feel impossible.

What you are experiencing is a state of chronic stress, right along with the rest of the population.

Let's scale together with my business coaching for entrepreneurs

Whether you are stuck due to stress or just in general, let’s join forces to do something about it. Let’s get your business working like a machine and your income to a point that money is not part of the stress equation.

Despite these times, all of my clients are thriving physically and emotionally.

All but one are thriving financially, but he is on the fast track. Why? Because are learning to master their thought management skills.

That’s right, it’s all about mindset, especially during times like these. It’s about shifting of the Bullsh*t in your head and becoming the badass that you’re meant to be. It’s time to BullShift™ with me!

About BullShift™ Group Coaching for Entrepreneurs

BullShift™ is a LIVE group coaching experience, not a canned program that you will never complete. AND, there will not be 100 people online with you. Nope, this is a small group of about 8-10 of your peers who are serious about making money and being happy…very exclusive!

Are you in? Are you willing to devote 6-months to becoming a better version of yourself and grow your business? How will it feel to wake up happy and filled with hope? I know what it feels like to avoid paying bills because you don’t want to look at the checking account. How will it feel to pay your bills with ease? Once you get those Bullsh*t stories out of your head and the building blocks for a thriving business in place there will be no stopping you!

Let’s do this. Apply to be a part of this group of entrepreneurs who will cheer you on and offer invaluable feedback, just as you will for them. I will be there each week to teach, support, and give you the nudges you need to get what you want out of life.

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How to Stop Negative Thinking. Oh Yes, You Can

Marla Tabaka — Thu, 25 Jun 2020 13:56:24 +0000

Persistent negative thinking is the soundtrack of a harsh inner critic that won't shut up. It's an endless loop of chatter; it makes you anxious and zaps your confidence.

Why does it sometimes feel so much easier to walk the path of doubt and negativity, rather than be positive and confident?

The bad news is that our brains are predisposed to negative thinking, and we are more inclined to engage deeply with the resulting emotions. It feels like there's not much to positive emotions because they tell you that everything is okay, so there is no need to think about them for very long. Sad, but true, it's easier to preoccupy the brain with negative thoughts.

“Wait a minute,” you're probably thinking. “You mean I have to deal with these nagging voices in my head forever?”

The answer is yes–and no.

It is possible to get your bullsh!t thoughts (because that's what they are) under control. It takes discipline to challenge your negative thoughts and form new habits, but it will change your life. It will also make your business more profitable.

I call it BullShifting!

Here are a few tips that you'll learn in my BullShift™ Group. If you're a solopreneur who knows your business can be more, but you keep getting stuck, this group is for you.

For now, carve out a few minutes here and there to begin forming these habits. And then, tell me about your success–and challenges!

Separate the B.S. from reality.

One negative incident can override a dozen (ok, a hundred) positive achievements. You have many client success stories, but when one client judges you, all of those achievements go out the window. You'll question yourself, rehash the event, dwell on what you should have done differently, and beat yourself up for it.

Stop!

Start doing this instead: keep a diary of your wins. Put emails from happy customers in a folder for quick access. Entrepreneurs forget their achievements easily, mostly because they don't take time to celebrate them. The next time you doubt yourself go read about all of the things that you have done right. You are a Rockstar, and don't forget it!

Disrupt the loop of negative thinking.

If you spend a good portion of your day thinking trash about yourself and the world around you it will rule your life. Your brain is a computer, and it's up to you to program it. Your negative life experiences have programmed your brain to produce draining loops of unpleasant thoughts. It's automatic and feels easier and more natural than thinking good thoughts, especially about yourself.

There are so many ways to reprogram your brain; my favorite is EFT tapping, and you'll get plenty of that when you join the BullShift™ group. For now, begin to physically change your state when the head trash starts talking.

It can look like going for a walk or run or watching comedy for a good laugh. Or, (and this one is crazy-sounding) get your butt up out of the chair and pace the room repeating positive affirmations—loudly. Stand tall and accentuate your words. Shout it out!

I AM strong, smart, and UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm DAMN good at my work; I'm AMAZING!
No one else can tell me how to feel, I ROCK and I KNOW IT.

Go ahead; no one's around. Give it a try!

Kick catastrophic thinking to the curb.

Oh, how quickly the mind travels down the path of destruction! How often have you felt down or panicked about something that didn't end up as bad as you thought it would be? When your thoughts get out of control–imaging disaster over a positive outcome–ask yourself if these imaginary events are absolutely, positively true. The answer is usually no.

Find the good in the bad.

The goal is to stop your magical negative thinking when something goes wrong, so this may sound counterintuitive. I want you to think about the worst-case scenario. I've been forced to use this strategy many times in life, as I'm sure many of us have. Typically, even an outcome we dread isn't as bad in real life as it is in our fantasy world. In fact, during some of the most devastating times in my life, I've conquered negative thoughts by finding good in the bad when I faced the worst-case scenario.

When your fear is larger than you are, it makes all things impossible. Stand up to your internal bully and look at the truest facts (not your negative magical thinking), ask for help, and be kind to yourself. Your world will be a much better place.

The post How to Stop Negative Thinking. Oh Yes, You Can appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

Are Your Thoughts Driving You Crazy Right Now? How to Minimize Fearful Thinking

Marla Tabaka — Thu, 09 Apr 2020 14:32:21 +0000

Last Friday, I made a quick stop at the grocery store. While I entered the store with no intention of stocking up on hand sanitizer, bottled water, soap, or toilet paper, I could have easily gotten sucked into the frenzy in the cleaning supplies aisle. The signs reading, “Limit of 1 per customer,” made my heart leap as I began to question my lack of fear. Why aren't I stocking up on enough toilet paper to last a lifetime? What's wrong with me?

As a life coach and a self-professed neuroscience junky, I'm fortunate to have an understanding of how the brain works, as well as the tools to redirect my fearful, anxious thoughts. I knew that I was falling into the bandwagon effect of fear-based cognitive bias that's spreading at an alarmingly faster rate than the virus itself.

I'm not saying that we have no reason for concern. For some, it's challenging to avoid cognitive bias (the very normal and common tendency to overemphasize things that are recent and very vivid) because they are not slowing down to look at the real facts surrounding the Covid-19 pandemic. Anyone's imagination can run wild in situations like these.

Hey, it's no one's fault; this is how the brain functions. My point here is that we can shift our perspective and lower the stress that's related to catastrophic thinking. Remember, excessive stress weakens the immune system, so it's crucial that you take the time to address your anxious thoughts and feelings.

One way to do this is to slow down and recognize the whole truth, rather than focusing on only the negative aspects. Again, the brain quickly jumps on the train to spread negativity far and wide, and it takes a bit of work to direct that train to higher ground.

Examples of fear-based thinking and how to manage it:

If you hear, say, or think something like,

“They're saying that Coronavirus is going infect nearly all us; the world is changing, and it's scary.” (Feel your fear and anxiety mounting.)

Add more facts to your statement like,

“We know that a great majority of those infected are recovering. Many are experiencing few if any, symptoms.”

Here's another:

“I'm afraid that if I don't stock up on things, the stores will run out. What if I can't get my x,y,z?”

Add more facts:

The essential businesses, like grocery stores, will not shut down. Supplies will continue to come in. People who purchased 26 jumbo packs of mega roll toilet paper and a deep freezer's worth of frozen meats and vegetables won't go through it for a long time, so purchasing will slow down.

And then there's this:

“There aren't enough tests. Everyone needs to be tested; that's the only thing that will stop the spread.”

Add this thought:

Confirming that someone has the virus changes nothing; the treatment for unfavorable lung conditions remains the same. Anyone who is ill, whether or not it's Covid-19, needs to stay home or receive medical attention if (and that's a big if) their conditions worsen. All of us don't need to be tested. (This is not only my opinion; doctors and researchers say the same thing.)

If your thoughts are telling you this:

“My investments are dwindling. I fear that, soon, there won't be anything left! What am I going to do?”

Consider this:

The stock market historically rebounds. Your investments are long-term. Today your stocks are down, and soon they will rally.

When your brain jumps on the negative-thinking bandwagon, imagine a stop sign and divert your attention by doing something physical. Jump up and down, dance, turn on an exercise video, and follow along. Breaking the cycle of negativity is imperative to healing the mind. In the moment, it may feel difficult, but it's so incredibly easy once you change tracks. If you have to do it 50 times a day, it's worth it. Soon, your brain will catch on and slow down the negative soundtracks.

Have you ever used or heard of the Emotional Freedom Techniques, aka EFT and Tapping? I call this tool my Secret Weapon because it's just that powerful. While EFT is considered a self-help tool, working with a skilled practitioner is far more effective, especially with your more significant stressors. Contact me to talk about how I can help!

The post Are Your Thoughts Driving You Crazy Right Now? How to Minimize Fearful Thinking appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

Affirmations and Emotional Freedom Techniques for Difficult Times

Marla Tabaka — Mon, 23 Mar 2020 13:48:58 +0000

I’m beginning to see more posts from people who are reaching out to their crowd with offers of help during this trying time. From running necessary errands for their senior and immunocompromised neighbors to offering free online support resources, these folks are funneling their internal energy into an outward-facing mission. But it's difficult to thrive through helping others when you are immobilized by fear.

Know this: Everyone is afraid right now because we are all human. It’s absolutely normal and acceptable to be afraid. Even the strongest among us are deeply concerned about some aspects of this war on Coronavirus.

Love yourself first, no matter who you are or what you’re feeling in the moment. Fear is not a bad thing, it’s what we do with it and that can become destructive.

Also know that you’re not alone.

Remember, fear does not make you weak; it can motivate you to access your greatest strengths and qualities.

You are amazing, no matter what you’re feeling and thinking right now. There is no time better than now to harvest all of that amazingness and make a difference. Whether it’s within yourself, your household, or the communities beyond your front door, even the smallest gesture will make a big difference.

Time for my secret weapon.

You can ease your stress and summon up the strength to reach out to others, even in the smallest way. The Emotional Freedom Techniques is the most efficient, powerful tool I know to do just that. There are many video resources on Facebook and sites like The Tapping Solution to help you release some of your fear.

Tap as often as you can. Below are a few affirmations to say as you tap on the meridian points we use in EFT. Use these affirmations as a boost throughout your day. There is a free tapping chart available on my EFT page.

Tap on any of the points, even if you use only one or two of your favorite points. Remember that if you are out in public use points that are not on your face. Follow these affirmations as a script, choose only a few, and/or create your own—whatever works best for you.

Affirmations and acceptance of yourself.

I feel fearful right now, and I accept myself, fear and all.

Everyone feels the coronavirus fear, fear is human and acceptable.

I forgive myself for not being perfect because I am human.

I am not alone.

I choose [insert here] (hope, love, kindness, joy, peace, strength, etc.).

I also know that at this very moment, I am safe.

At this moment I am safe.

I choose to release some of my fear now. I fill myself with [peace and calm].

I accept [peace and calm] – I feel it in my heart.

I choose to allow [peace, hope, love, well-being] to fill my heart.

Love is abundant in this world.

I give and accept love freely and fully.

I am willing to release some of my fear, along with any other obstacles to peace.

In this moment, I am safe.

I am safe. I am loved. I am grounded.

I release all that does not serve me.

I breathe with ease and inner-calm.

My breath flows deeply and smoothly.

I choose a deep, cleansing breath now. (Breathe deeply)

In this moment, I am filled with peace.

I choose to focus on my blessings. I am grateful.

I am safe. I am loved. I am strong. I am grounded.

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But I Love Myself Anyway

Marla Tabaka — Sun, 08 Mar 2020 15:06:22 +0000

Your thoughts before EFT Tapping

I’ll never succeed.
I don’t deserve success.
I don’t even deserve to be loved.
I’ll never be happy.
I’m not enough.
I feel like a fraud.
I can’t do this; I don’t have what it takes.

Inner B.S. thoughts like these keep too many dreams from becoming a reality.

For those who are plagued with these often crippling thoughts, they may pause at times, but they don’t go away.

They come from a place deep down inside—secrets, trauma, life experiences that tell you that you’re not good enough, smart enough, or worthy of your dreams.

This rambling recording of negativity has been with you for such a long time that it’s become a part of who you are.

You dismiss the root cause of your B.S. thoughts because, after all, you’re a logically minded adult, you should be over it by now.

But you don’t just get over it. The beliefs and physical responses to your negative life experiences are stored in your nervous system and get triggered at a subconscious level. This is a big part of the reason for your B.S. soundtrack.

Enter my Secret Weapon.

The Emotional Freedom Techniques, aka, EFT, or tapping, is a powerful method that can reprogram your thinking and release your once hostage dream of freedom. Yes, your thoughts of doubt and fear can be replaced with positive thoughts and beliefs that will support you in your entrepreneurial and life endeavors.

While I have nearly 20 years of evidence that EFT is a powerful tool, I learned something from a client this week that reminded me of the subtle energetic nuances of tapping.

A common phrase used in EFT is, “I love and accept myself anyway.” Sometimes, as I’m guiding a client through a tapping session, I’ll shorten it to, “But, I love myself anyway.” Sadly, this is not always easy for people to say.

I. Love. Myself. Anyway.

Say it out loud three times! Do you feel it? Do you believe it?

My client has transformed this single sentence into a tool of its own. During the week between our coaching sessions, she began adding, “But I love myself anyway,” to the end of every negative thought that her mind threw at her.

“I’m stuck in this awful situation, and I’ll never get out…but I love myself anyway.”

“I’m never going to get my business to the next level. I feel like giving up. But I love myself anyway.”

What a great way to diffuse negative thoughts! Love is powerful. Acknowledging her negative thoughts, rather than hatefully push them down, sends a clear message to the brain that the B.S. thinking will not win out.

What a loving way to talk back to self-talk. When you say something often enough, you learn to believe it. “But I love myself anyway,” is a beautiful thing to acknowledge.

Shift your thinking – I call it BullShift™ – by calling out the limiting thoughts that come to you and placing the focus on loving yourself instead of dwelling in the B.S. It’s pure. It’s simple. And it’s a subtle yet mighty force that will inspire you to believe in yourself.

Have you subscribed to my 10-Day Bullshift™ Challenge yet? 10 exercises, one day at a time, will help you to transform your negative thinking into the kind of thinking that you need in order to succeed as an entrepreneur. And, guess what? It's free!

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