People often confuse high-achieving behavior with perfectionistic behavior. High achievers are dedicated, determined individuals with a strong desire to accomplish something important to them. Their achievements are not about what others will think of them or a fear of failure; it's to gain personal gratification from their success. On the other hand, people who deem themselves perfectionists are not driven by the pursuit of perfection; the avoidance of failure drives them.rue perfectionists aren't trying to be perfect; they are avoiding not being good enough. This avoidance dictates much of their behavior, and it's linked to depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and even suicide. Paul Hewitt, Ph.D., and psychologist Gordon Flett are two of the most respected researchers of perfectionistic behavior. They say that those who feel social pressure to achieve perfection tend to think that the better they do, the better they are expected to do. And so, the search for absolute perfection never ends.

Are you a high achiever or a perfectionist? Here are seven signs that your pursuit of perfection may put you at risk of depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and, in extreme cases, suicidal thinking.

1. Despite your search for perfection, you never feel perfect.

Dr. Hewitt uses this example of a college student who is also one of his patients and how the student viewed his success. The student was convinced he needed an A+ in a particular course, so he studied hard and aced the class. However, the student became even more depressed and suicidal than he was prior to the end of the semester. “He told me that the A+ was just a demonstration of how much of a failure he was,” says Hewitt. The student argued that if he were perfect, he wouldn't have had to work so hard to get an A+.

2. As a perfectionist, you cannot accept and celebrate your success.

It's never good enough, so you get sucked so far into the details that you become frustrated–even angry. Even when your goal is complete and results in success, you believe you could and should have done it better.

Perfectionists don't acknowledge their wins to the extent of feeling the joy and satisfaction of a job well done. Instead, they find flaws in how they (or others) executed the project. There is always something wrong, even though the outcome is exactly what they wanted.

3. You don't allow yourself any mistakes.

While an individual with a healthy mindset allows for mistakes, an extreme perfectionist doesn't forgive their mistakes. Instead of viewing them as a learning opportunity, you criticize and put pressure on yourself for not predicting a less-than-perfect outcome. You feel inadequate, even stupid, and these feelings preoccupy your mind, often to the point of losing all productivity.

4. You put up a front, insisting everything is perfect.

Perfectionists are intensely afraid of being judged by others. They often want the outside world to view them as being perfect and making perfection easy. Even when your world is a disaster zone, you put up a front to lead others to think it's all just perfect.

5. You avoid taking on challenges that may cause you to fail.

Perfectionists like to stick with what they know. If you're presented with an opportunity that means you'll have to develop more skills or move outside of your comfort zone, you're likely to turn it down. You're afraid you're not smart enough to tackle a new learning curve and will be seen as a failure or let down someone.

6. You believe that your likeability is linked to being perfect.

Personality and positive qualities like honesty, compassion, humor, etc., aren't what perfectionists believe people will like about them. It's not enough to be a wonderful person; you must be perfectly wonderful. You don't allow others to see your flaws, and you most likely talk about your achievements but never your failures.

7. Your life doesn't satisfy you.

Perfectionists cope well in a low-stress environment–so as long as nothing challenges you, you're fine. When was the last time you weren't challenged by life? Right, because nothing is perfect. When life seems unsettled to you, it presents a problem. Anxiety often increases, which offers the illusion that nothing is going well, thereby decreasing life satisfaction.

8. You need help with getting things done on time.

Since perfection is an illusion, the pursuit of perfection is never complete, and neither are your projects. You may get things done, but you constantly battle the decisions and motivation to complete certain things. The “what ifs” and expectation of a negative consequence or result preoccupies you, and the pressure can be overwhelming.

Can you overcome the seemingly never-ending pursuit of perfection?

There's nothing we can't overcome if we put our minds to it. Pay attention to these situations if you occasionally insist on perfection, but it causes excessive stress. I suggest journaling about them to find the shared link. The awareness alone will help you get to the core and figure out what it's all about. Observe how others accept themselves, flaws and all, and assign yourself a few virtual mentors to follow. Learning how successful people built upon their failures instead of hiding from them will help get things into perspective.

Hewitt and Flett say that perfectionism is a risk factor for psychological disorders–not a disorder itself. If it leads to depression, anxiety, or other exhausting mental states, therapy can help. Yes, you can develop a healthy mindset and make life much easier and more rewarding for yourself.

The post 8 Signs You’re a Perfectionist (and Why It’s Toxic to Your Mental Health) appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

Here are the issues I see most often; however, I could list many more! If you recognize any of these tendencies in yourself, you should first know that you’re not alone! The second thing to know is that your business can and will grow if you conquer the inclinations that hold you back.

1. STOP ignoring your numbers.

Numbers are the one thing in life that tell an accurate, consistent story. If your business is struggling, it is certainly easier to ignore the financial facts, but number anxiety and avoidance only create a deeper abyss between you and your success. I’ve had clients who can’t even tell me what it costs to run their business or how much money they have in the bank. There is no shame in this; I get it, but unawareness of these facts is damaging, and the pain of not knowing is usually more profound than the truth behind your numbers.

Bite the bullet. Hire a bookkeeper or accountant and get your books in order. Organizing and understanding your numbers will give you a roadmap for your next steps and help you understand where to put your focus.

2. STOP doubting yourself.

Confidence is at the core of success; self-doubt is your greatest saboteur. It’s natural for confidence to ebb and flow, but if you get stuck in a loop of negative thinking and a lack of confidence, it will undoubtedly hold you back. So what if you fail at something? That’s how we learn and gain wisdom. Have the courage to fail and put the lion’s share of your focus on your many positive achievements.

3. STOP holding on to employees who don’t perform.

You believe it’s easier to have a warm body than to take the time to locate, hire and train a new employee, right? That belief is so, so wrong! I’ve worked with many business owners who’ve made this mistake. When they finally agree to take the leap and let go of an underperforming employee, they berate themselves for not doing it sooner. If the employee is well-meaning, it is even more difficult because now the entrepreneur feels terrible about letting them go. Most people don’t know that if a team member can’t keep up for any reason, they are as unhappy as you are. Release them, free yourself from a damaging situation, and you will both be much happier.

4. STOP accepting clients who are not on brand.

An essential part of your brand is knowing your ideal client. If you’re not clear on that, it would be wise to make it your next priority. Market only to that niche, and don’t step outside of it because you need the money because fear-driven decisions will always backfire. These clients will cause problems, you may not be able to meet their expectations, you won’t enjoy the work, and it will consume more time, keeping you from your ideal clients.

5. STOP avoiding growth strategies.

If you’re putting out fires, working on non-revenue producing tasks, and engaging in what we call, productive procrastination, you will notachieve revenue-generating growth. Such procrastination is usually a consequence of confusion, uncertainty, and fear, not a condition. Your first step is to separate revenue-generating action steps from tasks that are not the work of an entrepreneur. If you must do these other tasks (that’s a whole separate issue), schedule two hours of uninterrupted time to dedicate to them as often as needed throughout your week. Spend the remainder of your day, once again uninterrupted, being an entrepreneur. No excuses, no procrastination.

What’s next?

How can you gain clarity and find solutions to the issues that stand between you and your dreams of further success? It’s unlikely that you’ll do it alone. The good news is you can absolutely make it happen.

Most people believe it’s about buckling down, determination, and struggle. It doesn’t have to be this way. Hire a great coach. Work on yourself first, then your business, not the other way around. It’s your mindset that’s holding you and millions of other entrepreneurs back from the ultimate dream of freedom and happiness. And that, my friend, can be resolved.

The post 5 Growth-Stunting Habits You Must Stop Doing Now appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

I don’t want to brag or anything…

I mean, sure, I’m happy about what I did, but it doesn’t feel right to brag.

Well, I didn’t tell you because it felt like bragging, and it’s not a big deal anyway.

With 18 years of experience as a business coach, I can confidently say that entrepreneurs would benefit from celebrating their wins more often. When one of my clients glosses over or minimizes an achievement by moving right past it, I will interrupt them with a, “wait a minute, back up the bus!” statement. It’s not until I point out the significance of their actions that we pause to appreciate it. One reason for the lack of self-recognition is the mindset that society and parents unknowingly instill in us at a young age:

Don’t brag; it’s unattractive!

Don’t get too big for your britches!

No one wants to listen to a braggart!

People don’t like showoffs.

We don’t brag in this family; stop being so boastful.

Yes, I do agree that excessive bragging is unattractive, but there’s a massive difference between bragging and recognizing and celebrating your wins. The latter is critical to your success and happiness. Here’s what can happen when you ignore your achievements, no matter how small.

• You will always feel as though your to-do list doesn’t budge.
• You will feel deflated about your performance.
• The big picture feels far away and unachievable.
• You will discount your progress, which can lead to a feeling of despair.
• You may feel like a fraud because you’re (supposedly) getting nowhere, so you aren’t a real entrepreneur.

I could add ten things to this list, but I think you get the idea.

Why is it important to recognize achievements of all sizes?

As my business coaching clients begin to talk about their achievements, big and small, without embarrassment, I see their confidence grow. Focusing on what you DID get done leads to greater productivity and increased motivation. Self-recognition reduces stress, which then allows for clarity. For leaders, self-recognition brings increased awareness and appreciation for the team’s achievements as well. This has a significant and positive impact on the company culture, which impacts productivity, employee happiness, retention, and much more. In the end, this all adds up to greater profits and a happier, healthier you.

So, what’s the difference between bragging and self-recognition?

The Merriam Webster dictionary describes bragging as:

1. a pompous or boastful statement
2. arrogant talk or manner

I doubt you intend to be pompous or arrogant when you talk about your wins, but still, the fear of being seen as such may often be present. A true braggart doesn’t care how they are perceived; they don’t consider that they may be overdoing it. The mere fact that you are concerned about being seen as boastful is a sure sign that you are not bragging. It’s doubtful that you can even overdo it, so it’s time to release your worry.

How can entrepreneurs recognize and celebrate achievements of all sizes?

The first step is recognizing that every small step takes you closer to your vision. Entrepreneurs tend to complete tasks and quickly move on to the next fire or set of tasks. Instead, cross your completed goals off your list and pause to pat yourself on the back. Smile, as this changes your physiology, which boosts mental and physical energy. Take a five-minute break and think about what you have accomplished rather than all you have left to do.

Sometimes, clients neglect to mention a significant achievement until the end of our business coaching call, if at all. When speaking with your mentor or business coach, begin with the happy news whenever possible. Open your heart to receive praise and open your mind to accept it. Try not to diminish incoming admiration. Verbally express how you feel when you become more aware of your successes.

Determine in advance how you will celebrate the significant achievements more grandly. Flag the things on your list (are you getting how important your lists are?) that feel significant to you. Taking a giant step toward funding, experiencing a meaningful connection with an influencer in your industry, and launching a new website are only a few examples. Go through your wish list of milestones and jot down a few ideas for self-recognition. I once told a few close friends that I would take them out for dinner at a ridiculously expensive restaurant to celebrate as soon as I hit a certain financial milestone. That felt amazing! You may prefer a long, relaxing hike in the woods or a weekend getaway; whatever feeds your soul is a good idea.

Simple moments that include laughter and celebration do wonders for the psyche. Move aside the coffee table and dance! Shout out a few “Woo-Hoo’s” and get silly. Break loose of your stress!

Again, this list could be much longer, but hopefully, you get the idea. Entrepreneurs are very special people, any occasion to celebrate you is meaningful. Let me know how you recognize your success and what it does for you!

The post Is It Bragging or Self-Recognition? appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

Why is confidence important?

Some people feel like imposters and walk around in fear of being found out, that they don’t belong. They believe they just got lucky to have as much success as they’ve had. When in this state, it’s impossible to imagine success and to take the next steps with ease. Whereas self-confidence makes it easy for us to visualize success and difficult for us to imagine failure. If you can’t envision your desired outcome, it’s awfully difficult to make it happen.

A strong sense of confidence will positively influence your work, access to happiness, and even your health. A confident disposition is important because of the way it makes us feel and it allows us to live a more joyful, productive life.

Confidence is contagious!

What’s fascinating is that confidence is contagious, and there’s a reason for that—mirror neurons. Have you ever noticed that when you're sitting across from someone, you end up mimicking one another's body position? Mimicking a companion's position, like crossed arms, elbows on the table, and legs crossed are examples of mirror neurons at work  Confidence can be mirrored back to us as well. When, for instance, you are confident in a presentation, the audience will subconsciously pick up on that energy and mimic it back to you. If you stumble on your words and your lack of confidence shows, the best you’ll get from your audience is sympathy.

How to tap into your confidence.

You can access your confidence by creating something to anchor it to.  Let’s have some fun and create these anchors. We’ll begin with a bit of journaling.

Write down what the opposite of confidence is for you. Some questions you could ask yourself:

• How do I know when I am NOT confident?
• Where in my body do I feel it?
• How does confidence impact my work?
• When I’m not confident how does it influence my overall mood, energy, health?

Now, break out your crayons and draw an image that represents the opposite of confidence.

Ok, a bit of creative expression here. What does a state of low confidence look like to you? What color, texture, shape, and size is it? There are no rules here, just go with your intuition.

Strike a pose or put yourself into a position that demonstrates your brain and body when you do NOT feel confident.

Don't be shy. Imagine a time when your confidence was in the gutter. What body position best represents that? Now, how do you feel? Pretty crappy, right? Let’s fix that. (I call this Bullshift because we are shifting the B.S. in our heads!)

Now let’s do the opposite.

Do the same exercises, but tap into your confident self. Write about what confidence is to you by asking yourself the same questions, but with confidence in mind. Then, draw confidence, strike a confident pose. Become Wonder Woman or Superman!

Anchoring to your confidence.

Now you have some things to anchor your confidence to: your written definition, the drawing, and your super confident pose. Create some affirmations from your definition. Look at, and touch your drawing. Strike your pose and put everything into it!

How do you feel now? Better? Yup!

Next week I’m going to post about how to use your amazing intuitive abilities to tap into confidence. Please don’t say that you’re not intuitive, because we all are. Most people don’t know how to recognize it and therefore, don’t listen to their intuitive voice. Tune in next week to learn how! UPDATE: Here's the link to the newest intuition post!

Meanwhile, try on your confidence today. Go be amazing!

The post Business Coach Tip of the Week. Try These Fun Tricks to Tap Into Your Confidence appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

(This post about lack of confidence was originally written for Inc.com where it has received over 350k views.)

I'm not sure if you have the time to read this article, and I'm sorry if it's taking you away from something more important. Really, I hate to bother you–it's just that I think I have something kind of important to tell you. Is that OK?

The post 7 Phrases That Scream Lack of Confidence appeared first on Marla Tabaka.