People often confuse high-achieving behavior with perfectionistic behavior. High achievers are dedicated, determined individuals with a strong desire to accomplish something important to them. Their achievements are not about what others will think of them or a fear of failure; it's to gain personal gratification from their success. On the other hand, people who deem themselves perfectionists are not driven by the pursuit of perfection; the avoidance of failure drives them.rue perfectionists aren't trying to be perfect; they are avoiding not being good enough. This avoidance dictates much of their behavior, and it's linked to depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and even suicide. Paul Hewitt, Ph.D., and psychologist Gordon Flett are two of the most respected researchers of perfectionistic behavior. They say that those who feel social pressure to achieve perfection tend to think that the better they do, the better they are expected to do. And so, the search for absolute perfection never ends.

Are you a high achiever or a perfectionist? Here are seven signs that your pursuit of perfection may put you at risk of depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and, in extreme cases, suicidal thinking.

1. Despite your search for perfection, you never feel perfect.

Dr. Hewitt uses this example of a college student who is also one of his patients and how the student viewed his success. The student was convinced he needed an A+ in a particular course, so he studied hard and aced the class. However, the student became even more depressed and suicidal than he was prior to the end of the semester. “He told me that the A+ was just a demonstration of how much of a failure he was,” says Hewitt. The student argued that if he were perfect, he wouldn't have had to work so hard to get an A+.

2. As a perfectionist, you cannot accept and celebrate your success.

It's never good enough, so you get sucked so far into the details that you become frustrated–even angry. Even when your goal is complete and results in success, you believe you could and should have done it better.

Perfectionists don't acknowledge their wins to the extent of feeling the joy and satisfaction of a job well done. Instead, they find flaws in how they (or others) executed the project. There is always something wrong, even though the outcome is exactly what they wanted.

3. You don't allow yourself any mistakes.

While an individual with a healthy mindset allows for mistakes, an extreme perfectionist doesn't forgive their mistakes. Instead of viewing them as a learning opportunity, you criticize and put pressure on yourself for not predicting a less-than-perfect outcome. You feel inadequate, even stupid, and these feelings preoccupy your mind, often to the point of losing all productivity.

4. You put up a front, insisting everything is perfect.

Perfectionists are intensely afraid of being judged by others. They often want the outside world to view them as being perfect and making perfection easy. Even when your world is a disaster zone, you put up a front to lead others to think it's all just perfect.

5. You avoid taking on challenges that may cause you to fail.

Perfectionists like to stick with what they know. If you're presented with an opportunity that means you'll have to develop more skills or move outside of your comfort zone, you're likely to turn it down. You're afraid you're not smart enough to tackle a new learning curve and will be seen as a failure or let down someone.

6. You believe that your likeability is linked to being perfect.

Personality and positive qualities like honesty, compassion, humor, etc., aren't what perfectionists believe people will like about them. It's not enough to be a wonderful person; you must be perfectly wonderful. You don't allow others to see your flaws, and you most likely talk about your achievements but never your failures.

7. Your life doesn't satisfy you.

Perfectionists cope well in a low-stress environment–so as long as nothing challenges you, you're fine. When was the last time you weren't challenged by life? Right, because nothing is perfect. When life seems unsettled to you, it presents a problem. Anxiety often increases, which offers the illusion that nothing is going well, thereby decreasing life satisfaction.

8. You need help with getting things done on time.

Since perfection is an illusion, the pursuit of perfection is never complete, and neither are your projects. You may get things done, but you constantly battle the decisions and motivation to complete certain things. The “what ifs” and expectation of a negative consequence or result preoccupies you, and the pressure can be overwhelming.

Can you overcome the seemingly never-ending pursuit of perfection?

There's nothing we can't overcome if we put our minds to it. Pay attention to these situations if you occasionally insist on perfection, but it causes excessive stress. I suggest journaling about them to find the shared link. The awareness alone will help you get to the core and figure out what it's all about. Observe how others accept themselves, flaws and all, and assign yourself a few virtual mentors to follow. Learning how successful people built upon their failures instead of hiding from them will help get things into perspective.

Hewitt and Flett say that perfectionism is a risk factor for psychological disorders–not a disorder itself. If it leads to depression, anxiety, or other exhausting mental states, therapy can help. Yes, you can develop a healthy mindset and make life much easier and more rewarding for yourself.

The post 8 Signs You’re a Perfectionist (and Why It’s Toxic to Your Mental Health) appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

I don’t want to brag or anything…

I mean, sure, I’m happy about what I did, but it doesn’t feel right to brag.

Well, I didn’t tell you because it felt like bragging, and it’s not a big deal anyway.

With 18 years of experience as a business coach, I can confidently say that entrepreneurs would benefit from celebrating their wins more often. When one of my clients glosses over or minimizes an achievement by moving right past it, I will interrupt them with a, “wait a minute, back up the bus!” statement. It’s not until I point out the significance of their actions that we pause to appreciate it. One reason for the lack of self-recognition is the mindset that society and parents unknowingly instill in us at a young age:

Don’t brag; it’s unattractive!

Don’t get too big for your britches!

No one wants to listen to a braggart!

People don’t like showoffs.

We don’t brag in this family; stop being so boastful.

Yes, I do agree that excessive bragging is unattractive, but there’s a massive difference between bragging and recognizing and celebrating your wins. The latter is critical to your success and happiness. Here’s what can happen when you ignore your achievements, no matter how small.

• You will always feel as though your to-do list doesn’t budge.
• You will feel deflated about your performance.
• The big picture feels far away and unachievable.
• You will discount your progress, which can lead to a feeling of despair.
• You may feel like a fraud because you’re (supposedly) getting nowhere, so you aren’t a real entrepreneur.

I could add ten things to this list, but I think you get the idea.

Why is it important to recognize achievements of all sizes?

As my business coaching clients begin to talk about their achievements, big and small, without embarrassment, I see their confidence grow. Focusing on what you DID get done leads to greater productivity and increased motivation. Self-recognition reduces stress, which then allows for clarity. For leaders, self-recognition brings increased awareness and appreciation for the team’s achievements as well. This has a significant and positive impact on the company culture, which impacts productivity, employee happiness, retention, and much more. In the end, this all adds up to greater profits and a happier, healthier you.

So, what’s the difference between bragging and self-recognition?

The Merriam Webster dictionary describes bragging as:

1. a pompous or boastful statement
2. arrogant talk or manner

I doubt you intend to be pompous or arrogant when you talk about your wins, but still, the fear of being seen as such may often be present. A true braggart doesn’t care how they are perceived; they don’t consider that they may be overdoing it. The mere fact that you are concerned about being seen as boastful is a sure sign that you are not bragging. It’s doubtful that you can even overdo it, so it’s time to release your worry.

How can entrepreneurs recognize and celebrate achievements of all sizes?

The first step is recognizing that every small step takes you closer to your vision. Entrepreneurs tend to complete tasks and quickly move on to the next fire or set of tasks. Instead, cross your completed goals off your list and pause to pat yourself on the back. Smile, as this changes your physiology, which boosts mental and physical energy. Take a five-minute break and think about what you have accomplished rather than all you have left to do.

Sometimes, clients neglect to mention a significant achievement until the end of our business coaching call, if at all. When speaking with your mentor or business coach, begin with the happy news whenever possible. Open your heart to receive praise and open your mind to accept it. Try not to diminish incoming admiration. Verbally express how you feel when you become more aware of your successes.

Determine in advance how you will celebrate the significant achievements more grandly. Flag the things on your list (are you getting how important your lists are?) that feel significant to you. Taking a giant step toward funding, experiencing a meaningful connection with an influencer in your industry, and launching a new website are only a few examples. Go through your wish list of milestones and jot down a few ideas for self-recognition. I once told a few close friends that I would take them out for dinner at a ridiculously expensive restaurant to celebrate as soon as I hit a certain financial milestone. That felt amazing! You may prefer a long, relaxing hike in the woods or a weekend getaway; whatever feeds your soul is a good idea.

Simple moments that include laughter and celebration do wonders for the psyche. Move aside the coffee table and dance! Shout out a few “Woo-Hoo’s” and get silly. Break loose of your stress!

Again, this list could be much longer, but hopefully, you get the idea. Entrepreneurs are very special people, any occasion to celebrate you is meaningful. Let me know how you recognize your success and what it does for you!

The post Is It Bragging or Self-Recognition? appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

Why is confidence important?

Some people feel like imposters and walk around in fear of being found out, that they don’t belong. They believe they just got lucky to have as much success as they’ve had. When in this state, it’s impossible to imagine success and to take the next steps with ease. Whereas self-confidence makes it easy for us to visualize success and difficult for us to imagine failure. If you can’t envision your desired outcome, it’s awfully difficult to make it happen.

A strong sense of confidence will positively influence your work, access to happiness, and even your health. A confident disposition is important because of the way it makes us feel and it allows us to live a more joyful, productive life.

Confidence is contagious!

What’s fascinating is that confidence is contagious, and there’s a reason for that—mirror neurons. Have you ever noticed that when you're sitting across from someone, you end up mimicking one another's body position? Mimicking a companion's position, like crossed arms, elbows on the table, and legs crossed are examples of mirror neurons at work  Confidence can be mirrored back to us as well. When, for instance, you are confident in a presentation, the audience will subconsciously pick up on that energy and mimic it back to you. If you stumble on your words and your lack of confidence shows, the best you’ll get from your audience is sympathy.

How to tap into your confidence.

You can access your confidence by creating something to anchor it to.  Let’s have some fun and create these anchors. We’ll begin with a bit of journaling.

Write down what the opposite of confidence is for you. Some questions you could ask yourself:

• How do I know when I am NOT confident?
• Where in my body do I feel it?
• How does confidence impact my work?
• When I’m not confident how does it influence my overall mood, energy, health?

Now, break out your crayons and draw an image that represents the opposite of confidence.

Ok, a bit of creative expression here. What does a state of low confidence look like to you? What color, texture, shape, and size is it? There are no rules here, just go with your intuition.

Strike a pose or put yourself into a position that demonstrates your brain and body when you do NOT feel confident.

Don't be shy. Imagine a time when your confidence was in the gutter. What body position best represents that? Now, how do you feel? Pretty crappy, right? Let’s fix that. (I call this Bullshift because we are shifting the B.S. in our heads!)

Now let’s do the opposite.

Do the same exercises, but tap into your confident self. Write about what confidence is to you by asking yourself the same questions, but with confidence in mind. Then, draw confidence, strike a confident pose. Become Wonder Woman or Superman!

Anchoring to your confidence.

Now you have some things to anchor your confidence to: your written definition, the drawing, and your super confident pose. Create some affirmations from your definition. Look at, and touch your drawing. Strike your pose and put everything into it!

How do you feel now? Better? Yup!

Next week I’m going to post about how to use your amazing intuitive abilities to tap into confidence. Please don’t say that you’re not intuitive, because we all are. Most people don’t know how to recognize it and therefore, don’t listen to their intuitive voice. Tune in next week to learn how! UPDATE: Here's the link to the newest intuition post!

Meanwhile, try on your confidence today. Go be amazing!

The post Business Coach Tip of the Week. Try These Fun Tricks to Tap Into Your Confidence appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

And then, when the moment would come for my interview to begin, I would sit down opposite the host and my upbeat, passionate personality would switch on like a lightbulb. I would speak confidently, powerfully, and authentically.

“So why, Marla,” I one day asked myself, “Why do you put yourself through weeks of misery to do something that is so natural for you?” And then, “How can I possibly shorten or eliminate this cycle of stress and anxiety before a speaking engagement?”

Today, as I await airtime, I'm excited and eager to have a platform where I can tell my story and perhaps help a few people move closer to their dreams. I did some preparation, of course, but it was fast and easy. I've had no stress, no anxiety, no cottonmouth.

What do you get anxious about doing? Public speaking, pitching your products or services? Attending meetings and networking engagements? Do you pour hours, days, or weeks of stress into projects that usually turn out just fine, despite your fears? You're not alone.

Tips to eliminate or decrease stress.

How can you calm your anxious fears? Begin with a review of the facts. For my speaking anxiety, I examined some of my past engagements and listed their positive aspects. Things like audience response (always good), how I felt on stage (alive and passionate), the event coordinator's reaction (very complimentary), the number of people who waited to speak to me after the event (often, a line formed). Once armed with my reality list (versus the B.S. I made up in my fear-brain), I began the process of managing my pre-stage stress cycle.

Keep track of your stress relief progress.

When you challenge yourself to shorten or eliminate your stress cycle, you must know if you're succeeding. Create a visual way to log your progression, like a spreadsheet or journal.

• How long do you dwell, worry, and procrastinate about your upcoming event?
• How stressful is this for you?
• In what ways does stress impact your life?
• Does it create tension in your body and make you constantly anxious?
• Does it show up in your mood and the way you treat yourself and others?
• Does it preoccupy you to the point that other things get put on hold?

Replace your made-up stories (B.S. thinking) with facts.

I call this process Bullshift™. You see, our minds love a good story. As we dwell on the scary parts of an important step, like a presentation, phone call, or meeting, our brains entertain us with false tales of looming failure. A written list of supportive facts can sweep in like a knight in shining armor. When you imagine yourself freezing like a deer in headlights, ask yourself if that's ever happened to you (probably not). Then look at your list to read about a time you aced a presentation. That's the story to focus upon. For every negative thought, train yourself to think about something from your list. Take the B.S. stories in your head and Bullshift™ them to empowering thoughts and facts. This process actually rewires your brain!

Beat procrastination caused by your stress.

Let's say you have a presentation coming up in 2 weeks. You've already spent a week freaking out about it or shoving it down into your procrastination space.  Go for a fast walk or another activity to get your physical energy moving. Physical activity creates a positive shift in your body, which also adjusts your mood. Now, sit down to complete one step on your presentation. Odds are, once you get moving, you will do more.

Talk to your business coach or someone else who will support you.

Talking about your fears is beneficial in many ways. For starters, it helps you to hear the B.S. that your brain is making up and gives you the opportunity to Bullshift™ it. If you speak with someone who knows you well (your business coach, mentor, a good friend), they will remind you of your truth. Immediately after your conversation, get to work. Don't give your brain the time to shift gears back to the negative.

Notice what mindset strategies work best for you.

Keep track of how you feel and what you achieve after doing each of these steps. Does talking to someone help immensely, or did it feel as though it increased your stress? Did you ask the right person to be your sounding board? How did you feel after exercising? Did it clear your mind? Find the actions that work best and keep doing them.

Repeat these mindset exercises often and continue to keep track of your success.

I performed this process through about 4-5 stressful experiences, spanning nearly six months. But I kept track and watched my stress cycle decrease in time and intensity. Remain focused and committed. Add other activities that help lower your stress and increase your productivity.

Acquire new tools, like EFT Tapping.

My television appearance was a local engagement. If I were on a national morning show, my stress level would have been much higher, naturally! However, these tools, along with my Secret Weapon, decrease that stress to a manageable level.  Learn more about my Secret Weapon, the Emotional Freedom Techniques (a.k.a., EFT or Tapping) here.

Keep working on reducing your cycle of stress and celebrate even the smallest win.

The post How to Decrease Stress Related to Speaking, Pitching, Selling, and More appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

The pandemic…

It’s left you exhausted, sometimes to the point of feeling slightly ill.
Your positive energy may rebound here and there, but it’s not sustainable.
Sometimes you feel like you’re up against impossible odds.
And, you wonder, “What’s wrong with me?”

If you absorb nothing else in this post, take this in…

There is nothing wrong with you!

Growing a Small Business Can Be Hard, But Not Impossible–Even Now

When the consequences of the pandemic set in most people experienced high levels of constant stress. Acute stress is brought on by situations ranging from threat to life to the intense pressure of an important event. In many cases, the adrenalin from acute stress gives us the energy we need to get through these times. When a high-stress situation is prolonged, like what’s happening around us now, the stress becomes chronic—and it’s exhausting. It may even affect your health, and it certainly reduces your energy, mental capacity, and drive. Growing a small business now may feel impossible.

What you are experiencing is a state of chronic stress, right along with the rest of the population.

Let's scale together with my business coaching for entrepreneurs

Whether you are stuck due to stress or just in general, let’s join forces to do something about it. Let’s get your business working like a machine and your income to a point that money is not part of the stress equation.

Despite these times, all of my clients are thriving physically and emotionally.

All but one are thriving financially, but he is on the fast track. Why? Because are learning to master their thought management skills.

That’s right, it’s all about mindset, especially during times like these. It’s about shifting of the Bullsh*t in your head and becoming the badass that you’re meant to be. It’s time to BullShift™ with me!

About BullShift™ Group Coaching for Entrepreneurs

BullShift™ is a LIVE group coaching experience, not a canned program that you will never complete. AND, there will not be 100 people online with you. Nope, this is a small group of about 8-10 of your peers who are serious about making money and being happy…very exclusive!

Are you in? Are you willing to devote 6-months to becoming a better version of yourself and grow your business? How will it feel to wake up happy and filled with hope? I know what it feels like to avoid paying bills because you don’t want to look at the checking account. How will it feel to pay your bills with ease? Once you get those Bullsh*t stories out of your head and the building blocks for a thriving business in place there will be no stopping you!

Let’s do this. Apply to be a part of this group of entrepreneurs who will cheer you on and offer invaluable feedback, just as you will for them. I will be there each week to teach, support, and give you the nudges you need to get what you want out of life.

The post Coaching for Entrepreneurs Growing a Small Business appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

“But Marla,” you might say, “Isn't it a bit self-centered and a waste of time to celebrate the small stuff? Anyone can do these things.”

Nope, none of that is true.

If you work hard, never pausing to acknowledge the completion of your goals and other small wins, you are missing out on an opportunity to increase your productivity, mood, and energy levels. Let me make my point:

Which of these two entrepreneurs is more likely to succeed?

1. The entrepreneur who takes time out of the day to reflect, appreciate, and share his or her achievements.
2. The entrepreneur who dismisses small wins because, after all, the little stuff completes only a portion piece of the big picture–there's so much more to do.

You guessed it: number one, the latter will burnout. Entrepreneurs who don't celebrate themselves and their achievements tend to get depressed and negativity becomes omnipresent. Productive actions are overridden by meaningless time-suckers as they lose focus. Acknowledgment of your achievements helps to keep the focus and momentum. And, it will help you to feel good about yourself.

High-performance entrepreneurs don’t wait for milestone achievements to celebrate.

Think about the parent whose young child takes his first steps. Does the parent hold off on joyfully acknowledging him until he has walked his first mile? No, because one small step is a milestone. The family claps, laughs, encourages him, and tells everyone the exciting news. This reinforces the child's commitment to walking and lets him know that he's achieved something notable. It inspires and motivates him to do it again, even though it's likely that he's going to fall down quite a bit.

The acknowledgment of small accomplishments motivates and inspires us, and it also relieves stress. As big breakthroughs happen, they merit a celebration that is commensurate to their significance, but how often do these breakthroughs come along? It takes many small wins to add up to a milestone. If you neglect to acknowledge your productivity at all levels it may have a negative impact on your energy, attitude, and productivity, therefore your business.

Celebration and acknowledgment change your physiology.

Try this experiment:

Spend ten seconds thinking about all of the hard work you have to do. Feel the pressure mounting. Now notice your posture, is it strong and upright or slumped? Take note of how your body feels. Do you feel stressed out? How productive can you possibly be under these conditions?

Now, spend ten seconds mentally reviewing the things that you achieved over the past week, or month. Mindfully highlight the tasks that are off your plate and acknowledge how good it feels now that they're done. Give yourself a pat on the back. Now how do you feel? You're more likely to charge into your next steps with a good attitude and higher energy.

When we focus on the good stuff it sparks the reward circuitry of our brains. This causes a chain reaction as the brain releases chemicals that stimulate feelings of pride, excitement, and happiness. It makes us want to dig deeper into our next achievement.

Celebrations come in all shapes and sizes.

You complete a small project and it feels nice to finally have it done, but there's another project that needs your attention. Who has time to celebrate?

A celebration of achievement doesn't necessarily mean a party or treating yourself to a day off. Here are a few ways to acknowledge and appreciate your amazingness.

How to celebrate your small wins and productivity.

• At the end of your day spend five to ten minutes reviewing everything you've completed from your list. Most likely, many of the things you've done weren't even on your list so add them and flag them as complete. A visual of your accomplishments is very rewarding and will lend to a greater appreciation of your achievements.
• Tell someone who understands the significance of small steps. Positive auditory feedback, along with a few verbal pats on the back, gives us a mini rush that helps buoy our motivation, therefore increasing productivity.
• Let your mind wander to future images of your success. Painting this uplifting image will help your subconscious mind communicate your desires to the brain. This is important since a well-informed brain opens your eyes to opportunities and ideas that help get you what you want.
• Acknowledge your wins by doing something a little different. I have a theory that we all need to put a little vacation in each and every day. This stimulates the brain's reward center, helps us to celebrate our freedom as an entrepreneur, and energizes us.
• Express gratitude for your achievements. Gratitude has a strong impact on your mind and body.
• Thank those who contributed to your wins and spend a bit of time to think about the skills, commitment, and endurance it takes to achieve your goals.

You really do rock, ya know? Now, close your eyes, put a smile on your face, and count your blessings!

The post Productivity Increases When Entrepreneurs Celebrate Small Wins appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

Why does it sometimes feel so much easier to walk the path of doubt and negativity, rather than be positive and confident?

The bad news is that our brains are predisposed to negative thinking, and we are more inclined to engage deeply with the resulting emotions. It feels like there's not much to positive emotions because they tell you that everything is okay, so there is no need to think about them for very long. Sad, but true, it's easier to preoccupy the brain with negative thoughts.

“Wait a minute,” you're probably thinking. “You mean I have to deal with these nagging voices in my head forever?”

The answer is yes–and no.

It is possible to get your bullsh!t thoughts (because that's what they are) under control. It takes discipline to challenge your negative thoughts and form new habits, but it will change your life. It will also make your business more profitable.

I call it BullShifting!

Here are a few tips that you'll learn in my BullShift™ Group. If you're a solopreneur who knows your business can be more, but you keep getting stuck, this group is for you.

For now, carve out a few minutes here and there to begin forming these habits. And then, tell me about your success–and challenges!

Separate the B.S. from reality.

One negative incident can override a dozen (ok, a hundred) positive achievements. You have many client success stories, but when one client judges you, all of those achievements go out the window. You'll question yourself, rehash the event, dwell on what you should have done differently, and beat yourself up for it.

Stop!

Start doing this instead: keep a diary of your wins. Put emails from happy customers in a folder for quick access. Entrepreneurs forget their achievements easily, mostly because they don't take time to celebrate them. The next time you doubt yourself go read about all of the things that you have done right. You are a Rockstar, and don't forget it!

Disrupt the loop of negative thinking.

If you spend a good portion of your day thinking trash about yourself and the world around you it will rule your life. Your brain is a computer, and it's up to you to program it. Your negative life experiences have programmed your brain to produce draining loops of unpleasant thoughts. It's automatic and feels easier and more natural than thinking good thoughts, especially about yourself.

There are so many ways to reprogram your brain; my favorite is EFT tapping, and you'll get plenty of that when you join the BullShift™ group. For now, begin to physically change your state when the head trash starts talking.

It can look like going for a walk or run or watching comedy for a good laugh. Or, (and this one is crazy-sounding) get your butt up out of the chair and pace the room repeating positive affirmations—loudly. Stand tall and accentuate your words. Shout it out!

I AM strong, smart, and UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm DAMN good at my work; I'm AMAZING!
No one else can tell me how to feel, I ROCK and I KNOW IT.

Go ahead; no one's around. Give it a try!

Kick catastrophic thinking to the curb.

Oh, how quickly the mind travels down the path of destruction! How often have you felt down or panicked about something that didn't end up as bad as you thought it would be? When your thoughts get out of control–imaging disaster over a positive outcome–ask yourself if these imaginary events are absolutely, positively true. The answer is usually no.

Find the good in the bad.

The goal is to stop your magical negative thinking when something goes wrong, so this may sound counterintuitive. I want you to think about the worst-case scenario. I've been forced to use this strategy many times in life, as I'm sure many of us have. Typically, even an outcome we dread isn't as bad in real life as it is in our fantasy world. In fact, during some of the most devastating times in my life, I've conquered negative thoughts by finding good in the bad when I faced the worst-case scenario.

When your fear is larger than you are, it makes all things impossible. Stand up to your internal bully and look at the truest facts (not your negative magical thinking), ask for help, and be kind to yourself. Your world will be a much better place.

The post How to Stop Negative Thinking. Oh Yes, You Can appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

I’ll never succeed.
I don’t deserve success.
I don’t even deserve to be loved.
I’ll never be happy.
I’m not enough.
I feel like a fraud.
I can’t do this; I don’t have what it takes.

Inner B.S. thoughts like these keep too many dreams from becoming a reality.

For those who are plagued with these often crippling thoughts, they may pause at times, but they don’t go away.

They come from a place deep down inside—secrets, trauma, life experiences that tell you that you’re not good enough, smart enough, or worthy of your dreams.

This rambling recording of negativity has been with you for such a long time that it’s become a part of who you are.

You dismiss the root cause of your B.S. thoughts because, after all, you’re a logically minded adult, you should be over it by now.

But you don’t just get over it. The beliefs and physical responses to your negative life experiences are stored in your nervous system and get triggered at a subconscious level. This is a big part of the reason for your B.S. soundtrack.

Enter my Secret Weapon.

The Emotional Freedom Techniques, aka, EFT, or tapping, is a powerful method that can reprogram your thinking and release your once hostage dream of freedom. Yes, your thoughts of doubt and fear can be replaced with positive thoughts and beliefs that will support you in your entrepreneurial and life endeavors.

While I have nearly 20 years of evidence that EFT is a powerful tool, I learned something from a client this week that reminded me of the subtle energetic nuances of tapping.

A common phrase used in EFT is, “I love and accept myself anyway.” Sometimes, as I’m guiding a client through a tapping session, I’ll shorten it to, “But, I love myself anyway.” Sadly, this is not always easy for people to say.

I. Love. Myself. Anyway.

Say it out loud three times! Do you feel it? Do you believe it?

My client has transformed this single sentence into a tool of its own. During the week between our coaching sessions, she began adding, “But I love myself anyway,” to the end of every negative thought that her mind threw at her.

“I’m stuck in this awful situation, and I’ll never get out…but I love myself anyway.”

“I’m never going to get my business to the next level. I feel like giving up. But I love myself anyway.”

What a great way to diffuse negative thoughts! Love is powerful. Acknowledging her negative thoughts, rather than hatefully push them down, sends a clear message to the brain that the B.S. thinking will not win out.

What a loving way to talk back to self-talk. When you say something often enough, you learn to believe it. “But I love myself anyway,” is a beautiful thing to acknowledge.

Shift your thinking – I call it BullShift™ – by calling out the limiting thoughts that come to you and placing the focus on loving yourself instead of dwelling in the B.S. It’s pure. It’s simple. And it’s a subtle yet mighty force that will inspire you to believe in yourself.

The post But I Love Myself Anyway appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

Confidence is at the core of success. It’s natural for confidence to ebb and flow, but when an entrepreneur gets stuck in a loop of negative thinking and action, they become their own greatest block to success.

As a business coach, I often work with entrepreneurs who can’t get ahead or stall out short of their vision. Don’t worry, if you identify with these patterns you’ve just found the reason for many of your problems and you have the power to change. Focus on your self-growth by tuning into helpful podcasts, reading books on leadership and positive mindset, and consider therapy and coaching. You’ll be amazed by the rapid growth in your business once you own your worth and ability to succeed.

You may be lacking in confidence when you:

Don’t charge enough.

Price your products and services too low, and you will lose business. If raising your rates makes you nervous, then inch them up slowly. Know your worth.

Apologize for everything.

“I'm so sorry to bother you.” As they say, the squeaky wheel gets the grease.  No need to be obnoxious, but confident and assertive behavior is more likely to get you what you want.

Over-explain or justify things.

Get to the point. If the other party wants a further explanation, they will ask for it. If you over-explain things, it generally means that you don't believe in what you are offering or what you're charging.

Don't handle objections well.

If someone you consider an ideal client can't (won't) afford your offerings, it's likely because they haven't come to grips with what their problem costs them. Ask the right questions and rephrase their answers to help them see the full picture.

Don't stay the path.

Entrepreneurs who don't believe in themselves reach for ideas that don't align with their core offerings and vision. Don't get distracted; go back to your plan and take action on the goals that make sense.

Are afraid to pivot.

If there is no market for it, you can't sell it. Be open to the signs, and don't give up. Have the confidence to make changes to your product and plan if you have concrete evidence that it won't work as it is.

Overcomplicate things.

The best plans are the simple ones; you can add the intricacies as you go and only when necessary.

Fear confrontation.

If you expect a conversation to become confrontational, then it will. A confident entrepreneur will have difficult discussions because they know when something or someone is holding them back.

Believe the negative chatter in your head.

We all have a reel of negative messages in our heads, and it gets loud when we're out of our comfort zone. Ignore them. Those nagging voices are nothing more than your amygdala doing its job of trying to keep you safe from the things you fear.

Dismiss compliments.

People don't usually dish out compliments only to be kind. Add every pat on the back to your arsenal of tools that boost your confidence.

Write your achievements off as easy; anyone can do it.

Your natural abilities and the experience you have in your field can make things seem easy and uncomplicated to you. Your ideal client can't do what you do; see it from their perspective.

Won't ask for help.

Successful entrepreneurs don't do it alone. Mentors, coaches, helpful friends and family, and employees are all a part of the package that leads to success.

Can’t admit to your mistakes.

Some of the most valuable information lies within our mistakes and failures. Learn from them rather than deny them.

Won't challenge others.

Even the most brilliant people don't see the full picture every time. If your clients, or anyone else, is being short cited, politely offer another viewpoint.

Won't invest in yourself.

I've met too many entrepreneurs who lose money because they don't spend money. Software and proper tools, education and personal growth investments, marketing collateral, and employees or freelancers all have incredible value. If you believe in yourself, then plan for these investments.

Look outward for approval.

Affirmation and approval are nice but consider them the cherries on the cake. You know you're amazing; follow your inner compass.

Negate your wins.

Rather than focusing on all that remains to be done, acknowledge even the smallest increments of success. Everyone needs to see evidence that they're heading in the right direction.

Forget your passion and your why.

You're probably doing this for more than an opportunity to make money. When you keep your eye on that reason and feel the passion behind it, others will respond to it. It also recharges your batteries.

Over prepare for pitches and proposals.

The time you spend on a prospect before getting paid needs to be commensurate to the worth of the job. Know your stuff and believe in yourself instead of sending wordy, multi-page documents explaining your worth.

Accept clients who aren't a good fit.

Define your offerings and accept clients who will benefit from them. If you redefine to fit the prospect's desires, no one will be happy. Think about all of the people out there who need what you do and have faith that customers will find their way to you.

Won't delegate.

Believe that you are savvy enough to hire the right people and then let them do their jobs. You'll make mistakes, and so will they. It's all a part of your growth as an entrepreneur.

Often lose your temper or become anxious.

Understandably, you sometimes feel anxious and irritable. These are the times to focus on your breathing, the things you've achieved, and positive thoughts about the future. Intense outbursts and moods diminish your energy, creativity, and clarity.

Let failure define you.

Your idea or business didn't work out as envisioned. Perhaps smaller issues make you feel as though you've failed. Learn from your failures and mistakes and, remember, failure doesn't define you, giving up does.

Can't envision a bright and prosperous future.

What you think is important; what you believe creates your future. Send positive messages to your brain by envisioning and feeling the rewards of your hard work.

Do too many of these signs describe your behavior and emotions? Contact me today—because we can change that.

The post 24 Signs That You Lack the Confidence of an Entrepreneur appeared first on Marla Tabaka.