It’s not something you find in a spreadsheet or strategy session. It’s the subconscious pattern behind how we respond to change, pressure, conflict, tough decisions, or even success. Your emotional strategy shows up in the heat of the moment—when a plan unravels, when feedback stings, or when uncertainty looms. It’s the subconscious pattern behind how we respond to change, pressure, conflict, tough decisions, or even success.

Everyone has an emotional strategy, but here’s the kicker: most people have never taken the time to examine theirs.

As a leader, understanding your own emotional strategy—and helping your team understand theirs—is one of the most underrated tools for building a strong, emotionally intelligent workplace. In fact, I’d argue it’s essential for sustainable leadership and personal growth.

What Is an Emotional Strategy?

An emotional strategy is your go-to emotional response when you're triggered, challenged, or stretched.

It’s the inner program that runs when things don’t go according to plan:

• Do you get defensive?
• Do you shut down?
• Do you take on too much?
• Do you fixate on worst-case scenarios?
• Do you lash out, people-please, or blame others?

These emotional responses aren’t flaws—they’re strategies your brain has learned over time to stay safe. The trouble comes when they go unexamined. What may have helped you survive earlier in life can sabotage your ability to lead, grow, and thrive today. Think of it as your operating system for handing emotions.

Why Emotional Strategy Matters in Leadership

Leadership isn’t just about vision, execution, and results. It’s also about regulation, communication, and modeling the emotional tone for your team.

Leaders with unexamined emotional strategies tend to:

• React impulsively rather than respond thoughtfully
• Create emotionally unsafe environments for themselves and their team (even unintentionally)
• Avoid difficult conversations
• Misinterpret their team’s behavior as laziness or incompetence

Leaders who understand their emotional strategy tend to:

• Pause before reacting
• Lead with empathy and clarity
• Create space for others to grow through mistakes
• Model emotional resilience during change and uncertainty

In other words: when you know your emotional strategy, you stop being run by it.

How to Identify Your Emotional Strategy (and Others’)

Self-awareness is the first step. Start by observing your emotional patterns in challenging moments. Ask yourself:

• What emotions come up most often under pressure? (Fear, anger, shame, overwhelm?)
• What do I tend to do next? (Withdraw, control, blame, fix, freeze?)
• Where did I learn this pattern? (Was it modeled for me by a parent, mentor, or early boss?)
• Is this strategy still working for me—or is it keeping me stuck?

To spot emotional strategies in others, watch for:

• Repeating patterns when things go wrong
• Reactions that seem out of proportion
• Avoidance of certain tasks or conversations
• Emotional shutdown. blaming, or over-explaining

Once you’ve identified a pattern, don’t label or diagnose—get curious.

How to Talk About Emotional Operating Systems with Your Team

Helping someone explore their emotional strategy is a gift—but it requires trust, tact, and timing.

Here’s how to approach it:

1. Lead with Empathy and Ownership

“I’ve noticed that when we’re in tight deadlines, I tend to get anxious and over-function. I’ve been working on that. I’m also wondering how that dynamic plays out for you?”

1. Use Neutral, Observational Language

“In a few meetings now, I’ve noticed that when feedback gets tense, you get really quiet. That’s not wrong or bad—I just want to check in. What’s going on for you in those moments?”

1. Ask Open-Ended Questions
   • “What’s your internal response when projects take a sharp turn?”
   • “What’s your first instinct under pressure?”
   • “What kind of support helps you the most when things feel chaotic?”
2. Normalize the Conversation

“We all have emotional patterns—we're just trying to bring more awareness to them so we can grow stronger as a team.”

Practical Ways to Improve Your Emotional Operating System

• Practice the Pause
  Create a habit of taking 3–5 deep breaths before responding to emotionally charged situations. I call this, Practicing the Pause.
• Use Reflective Journaling
  Encourage team members (and yourself) to write down what they felt and how they reacted after high-stress events. Pattern recognition begins here.
• Debrief After the Storm
  After challenges, ask: “How did we handle that emotionally?” not just “What did we learn operationally?”
• Offer Emotional Vocabulary Training
  The better your team can name their emotions, the less likely they are to be ruled by them. (“I feel overwhelmed” is more productive than “I’m just pissed.”)
• Model Repair Conversations
  Leaders who admit when their emotional strategy took over—and talk about how they’re growing—create a culture of safety and self-awareness.

Final Thought: Everyone Has a Strategy—Few Know It

Emotional intelligence isn’t just about staying calm or being nice. It’s about understanding how your emotions operate and helping others do the same.

The emotional strategy you and your team bring into work each day is either helping or hindering your growth. The good news? These strategies are adaptable. They’re based on wiring—but wiring can be rewired.

Start the conversation. Model the awareness. Make emotional growth part of the strategy—not just the culture.

The post Emotional Strategy: The Secret to Better Leadership and Team Performance appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

In the world of entrepreneurship, the notion that leaders are born, not made, is a long-standing belief. However, in my experience of 20 years as a business coach, I've learned that this belief is a myth that needs to be debunked. Leadership is a skill that can be cultivated and refined over time. I know because I help entrepreneurs develop their leadership skills and have the privilege of witnessing the before and after. The shift is powerful, but at least two limiting factors could get in the way of advancing your leadership skills: lack of confidence and the belief that you must be someone you're not to lead successfully.

Leadership is not about becoming an extrovert when you're not. You are no less a leader if you weren't born sociable and outgoing. Excellent leadership is built upon authenticity and trust. If you try to be someone you're not, you will fail.

So, how can you strengthen your skills while being true to who you are and your core values? The first thing to know is that leadership skills can be learned and honed through experience and education. And no, I don't mean a Harvard degree. The information you need is right at your fingertips.

There are developmental building blocks, mindset shifts, skills, and qualities that you already possess to get you on your way to step into the shoes of an outstanding leader confidently. It's time to Bullshift™any beliefs that you're not cut out to lead.

Test your leadership abilities with my free download,
“50 Tough Questions You Never Ask Yourself But Should.”

The Building Blocks of Leadership.

Picture leadership as a puzzle with pieces that you can assemble over time. The puzzle pieces represent skills like effective communication, emotional intelligence, adaptability, and strategic thinking. These are not innate traits but learned behaviors that you can hone through practice, experience, and confidence. You can build these skills over time, but also by observing the great leaders of our time through reading, listening to podcasts, and surrounding yourself with people who possess the qualities and skills you wish to enhance and develop.

Embrace a Growth Mindset.

Embracing a growth mindset is the cornerstone of leadership development. It's about believing you can develop your abilities, skills, and even your intuitive senses through dedication and hard work. When you limit yourself with negative beliefs about yourself, money, and the world around you, opportunities and valuable learning experiences will be missed and misunderstood.

Lean on your values.

When business owners contact me to discuss coaching, they usually feel a bit (or a lot) lost. They would give anything for a compass of sorts to guide them through their next steps and choices. Here's the thing—you already have an internal compass, and you need to lean on it to help you at every step along the way. When you identify and live by your personal and professional values, you'll make better choices, feel less confused, and gain clarity about yourself and your company's future.

Your values will help define your company's culture, another thing too many business owners neglect to do.

Contact me for a complimentary consultation if you'd like to learn more about defining your values;
it's one of the most significant things you'll do to develop into the leader you want to be.

Don't mistake empathy for weakness in leadership.

Great leaders can and should have empathy. This quality doesn't make you soft or weak; it's a strength and honorable leadership trait. The problem for highly empathetic people is that they sometimes need more confidence to make tough choices and to speak up without fear of hurting someone's feelings or confrontation. Empathy-driven leadership gets results and indicates a high level of emotional intelligence.

Emotionally intelligent people can use their feelings and intuitive senses to motivate themselves and others. They can understand and consider their team members' feelings to make sure each employee works from their best skill sets, not in areas of weakness. Empathetic leaders resolve conflict well because they can see and understand the nuances of a dispute or disagreement. Emotional intelligence also allows leaders to form intentional bonds with other people, connecting on a level that other leaders may not. If you are empathic, it can become your greatest strength, not a weakness.

Leadership is not an exclusive club for the chosen few; skills, experience, and qualities can be cultivated, nurtured, and refined. By adopting a growth mindset, continuous learning, and drawing inspiration from the great leaders of our times, you are already on the path to becoming the leader you aspire to be.

The post Afraid Your Leadership Skills Suck? BullShift!™ appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

We know that stress builds upon stress. The longer you allow stress to run your thoughts, actions, and behaviors, the more it becomes your default setting. You wake up in the morning, and your brain instantly searches for what is wrong in your life rather than right. Your mind cannot focus on the joyful aspects of life; your kids, friends and family, good health, or whatever you treasure. Before you know it, stress dictates your decisions, and happiness takes a back seat to worry, fear, and anxiety. Not an excellent way to live—for you or the people who love and care for you.

It's time to increase your happiness factor!

While we know that proper diet and exercise, going to a therapist, taking vacations, being present in the moment, and all the other things that are good for us decrease stress, they all require life change. Today's happiness-inducing tips take seconds to minutes, and that's all. You can incorporate these little actions into your life without interrupting your day. These new habits are simple to attain yet powerful. Refrain from dismissing these little gems as too easy to be true and effective!

Happiness comes with a smile.

That's right. Endless research shows that the simple act of an ear-to-ear smile immediately impacts your state of mind. You see, a smile spurs a chemical reaction in the brain, releasing certain hormones, including dopamine and serotonin, the happiness hormones. When you smile, your brain automatically assumes something humorous is happening and responds accordingly. And here's more good news: your brain doesn't know if you're smiling because you genuinely feel happy or if you're pretending. That's right, fake it until you make it.

Does your brain come to life in the morning with stressful thoughts, dread, frustration, or fear? Interrupt that pattern with an ear-to-ear smile. Okay, it may feel goofy to lie in bed smiling at the ceiling, but I kid you not; it's extremely effective. Give it a try! And when you're ready to take things to the next level, find something to laugh about!

Increase happiness when you put a little vacation in every day.

I felt a sinking sensation during my corporate years before I got on the commuter train each morning. It was as though my life wasn't my own once I boarded that train. One day I realized that, between being a single mom and working a demanding job, I had very little of my own time, so of course, I dreaded going to work. So, I decided to change that feeling, even for only a few minutes a day.

I began leaving the house 20 minutes early (no small feat with stunt-loving toddler twins around), but I made it happen. I used that 20 minutes at my morning commute's front or back end. Sometimes, I stopped in the little coffee shop at the station and either laughed and chatted with the owners and other customers or took my coffee to a bench under a tree. There, I focused on the feel-good aspect of being alone; the sweet sound of the birds talking or whatever made my heart feel good.

Other times, I would go out of my way to walk along Lake Michigan to get to work. I would stop in the satellite department store near the train station downtown or browse in a bookshop—things I would do if I were on vacation.

Now, I work from home. I take frequent 5-minute breaks to gaze into my beautiful koi pond or even pull a few weeds (it's meditative!). I'll play with one of our pets or laugh over something silly with my daughters. Other times I'll stop in the middle of the day for something more time-consuming: a massage, a long walk in the woods, a pedicure, or a bit of retail therapy.

I refer to these mini breaks as my way to put a little vacation in every day. This time reminds you that you can escape the stress and daily demands to make yourself feel special and at peace. Make it a rule. Put a little vacation in each and every day!

Show some gratitude.

If a pill could simulate the effects of gratitude, everyone would be taking it. Again, there are countless studies on gratitude's mental and physical benefits. We know that feeling thankful can improve sleep, mood, and immunity. Gratitude can decrease depression, anxiety, chronic pain difficulties, and disease risk.

Gratitude and happiness go hand in hand. But I'm not talking about a robotic recital of a gratitude list. We're all (hopefully) grateful for the important and good things in our lives. Make your gratitude memorable with this simple practice.

Step one is to actively look for simple things that bring joy to your heart. This step requires intention and practice, but this gratitude practice will retrain your brain to focus on the good rather than the stressful stuff.

If you leave the house for an errand or a walk (Walk your dogs! It's a great break for both of you!), watch for the simple things that bring you a moment of pleasure: a beautiful flower, a sweet interaction between a parent and child, a pleasant smell in the air. These are simple pleasures you're looking for, nothing big and life-changing.

You get the idea. This exercise is a highly effective way to practice being present in the moment and teach your brain to seek happiness, not misery.

Step two in the gratitude exercise:

Spend just 5-minutes every night recording your moments of pleasure in a gratitude journal. No cheating! Again, this isn't about the things that you're grateful for; this is about seeking out simple reasons for happiness. You don't have to write a book; a basic sentence or two is perfect.

As you record these special moments, allow your heart to feel them all over again. Going to bed happy provides many benefits, including a more peaceful night's sleep.

Perform random acts of kindness.

I was checking out at Trader Joe's (one of my happy places) a couple of weeks ago. The cashier was a young woman who happily chatted with each customer and did her job joyfully. I don't recall the questions I asked her, but I learned that this happy woman worked three jobs! I asked when she found time for rest, and she responded, “Girl! I've got goals; the time for rest is later!” She went on to say that she loves all of her jobs and is saving so she has the financial means to make her dreams come true.

I was so taken with this magical personality that I went home, grabbed some cash, put it in an envelope with a little note, and returned to the store to give it to her. I told her it was my small way of contributing to her dreams. I can't get the image of her joyful spirit out of my mind. I'm still riding this roller coaster two weeks later.

Along with your gratitude practice, keep your eyes open for small ways to be there for someone else:

• Help someone put groceries in their car.
• Send an employee home early as a special treat.
• Show your appreciation to someone amazing.
• Put a little love note in your child's lunch.
• Surprise a friend by leaving flowers on their doorstep.

Get silly and move!

Just like a smile, shifting your physical state of stress invites your body and brain to feel good. What we call a state change in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) means to change your body radically – to move into a powerful state. Change your posture, facial expression, and breathing. Move to another room, or stand up and strike a Superman pose!

When I began public speaking, I was petrified. It was about more than just getting up on a stage but about creating a presentation powerful enough for an audience to appreciate and benefit from. My anxiety would put a freeze on my creativity. In fact, it crippled my brain! So, I put my knowledge to work. Here are a few of the exercises; they are simple (even goofy) yet effective.

When you're overwhelmed to the point of being frozen, shift to an empowering state to generate happiness and confidence.

Stand tall, and walk around the room while reciting empowering affirmations. Use a strong, confident voice and your hands and arms to accentuate the words. Here are some of the affirmations I used. Before long, I didn't need to do this exercise because I trained my brain to know I was confident, experienced, and strong.

Short and simple affirmations for happiness and confidence.

• I AM an expert!
• I bring value to my audience (or whatever you're doing)!
• I am a great entrepreneur!
• I have everything it takes to succeed at this!
• My voice is powerful and knowing!
• I am confident, capable, and wise!

Remember, use your body, exaggerate your movements, and emphasize key words in your affirmations.

Baby steps. That's all it takes to bring a bit of joy and happiness to your heart. Don't wait for success, don't think you have to make massive life changes. Keep it simple and do it now.

The post Happiness Matters. 5 Fast and Easy Ways to Increase Your Happiness Factor appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

My clients achieve their goals, but for some, the reality of growing their small business is much different than they imagined. Here's the startling truth. There are several points within the process where you may question your decision to scale. You might even feel an overwhelming need to dial it back or give up. I often help my clients through these stages, and, fortunately, nearly all of them plow through until they feel good about their choices again.

To lessen or avoid the negative emotional impact of scaling your small business, here are a few questions to ask yourself as you create your plan.

1. What do I need to do now to reduce my stress later?

When small business owners are knee-deep in problems, the idea of becoming a true leader who works on the vision instead of the day-to-day operations sounds exciting and fulfilling. Still, you'd be surprised by how often entrepreneurs miss the simplicity of being the business when they initiate a growth model. Some wish they'd never hired employees and taken on more business because it now feels even more overwhelming than when they did it alone. This negative experience of expansion usually comes from poor planning and a skewed vision of the path to success.

It's wise to initiate your progression in phases and have a plan in which your function is clearly and realistically outlined for each process stage. It's also wise to accept that sometimes you'll take two steps forward and one step back. Growth is not a linear process.

To minimize the growth pains, consider these points:

• Avoid making personal or professional travel plans within six months of bringing on new employees. Training takes time. In fact, you're likely to feel more overwhelmed by all the training than you did before hiring help. Don't expect your new people to run the business in your absence until they can perform the job skillfully.
• You'll probably need new business to support payroll but be cautious about how much you add to the workload for at least a few months. Even if your new person or people have the skills to do the job, not all skills translate seamlessly from company to company. They still need plenty of your attention. Don't spread yourself too thin, or you'll resent your choice to build a team.
• Outsource work that doesn't need to be done internally, like bookkeeping, payroll, and freelance labor. Do this before you hire anyone else so you're not bogged down by managing more than one transition at a time.
• If you are offloading tasks to your new hire, begin documenting the steps in writing or doing videos before hiring anyone. Loom.com is an excellent resource for making your training videos. You will still need to provide additional training, but your new person will have documentation to check their work.

2. Am I a great communicator who listens, demonstrates patience, and understands the varying needs of different personality types?

Sometimes entrepreneurs make terrible bosses. There, I said it! If you are a creative, innovative visionary, you'll probably be the worst kind of boss. You don't like boots-on-the-ground activities like hiring, training, and building expansive systems to support your growth. One of the new leaders' most damaging mistakes is neglecting detailed, frequent, and thoughtful communication with their teams.

Never assume that any process is “just common sense” because the knowledge you possess is uncommon. There was a time when you only communicated with clients; now, you'll have more communication points, which creates a greater likelihood of error. Employing others will offer you every opportunity to learn patience and expertly communicate, but you may need a hand.

Hire a business coach who can help you grow your emotional intelligence and communication skills, learn patience, and create realistic expectations of yourself and others.

3. Do I have a skewed perspective on life balance?

A conversation with Jack Canfield offered insight about wealthy entrepreneurs that's useful to share with my clients with less wealth. Despite his success and wealth, the Chicken Soup for the Soul co-author still works fourteen-hour days for days and weeks on end. He said that when he's working on a new book or another big project, he locks himself away in his library and has very little contact with others. But then, when he sends that book to his publisher, he's off to Hawaii with his family for an extended vacation. Life returns to a pleasant balance until the next big project comes along.

Life balance is rarely about day-to-day perfection in your schedule. Look at balance as a whole life experience, not a daily part of your life. There will be periods when your personal life goes by the wayside, and there will be times when you experience the bliss of leaving everything behind to spend time doing the things you love outside of work.

Scaling your small business comes with its ups and its downs. Proper planning and an informed outlook will make the downs fewer and more manageable—but there's one last thing. Don't believe you have to do this alone! There are countless resources and people out there to reduce the burden and help you make the best decisions for you.

***Let's chat! We will investigate whether or not I can help you grow your small business with less stress and more success!***

The post You Want to Grow Your Small Business. 3 Tips So You Don’t Regret It appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

So, here's the story.

Italy was, without a doubt, a trip of a lifetime; however, during the final week, I needed to step up my coping mechanisms to make a difficult adjustment. After three glorious weeks of taking in Italy's spectacular cities and countryside with my brother, Gary, and sister-in-law, Rose, I was excited to experience Rome. The Colosseum, the Forum, the Vatican, the Trevi Fountain, and so much more were awaiting; however, the Universe had different plans for me.

Setbacks happen.

On our final night in Sorrento before traveling to Rome, I sprained my ankle and injured my knee in a nasty fall. It could have been so much worse as I fell hard from the steps onto a marble landing. Still, it hurt like hell! It's a bad sprain, made worse by the knee injury on the opposite leg.

Different personality types respond to setbacks in different ways.

What do you think your initial reaction would've been if you were in my situation? Here's how it went for me.

Immediately after the fall, my initial questions were what most people would ask themselves. How bad is it? Can I move? In how many places am I injured? And then, how will I get up from down here?

After that, I moved on to thoughts similar to what you'd experience for an empathy-driven individual in this situation.

• Oh no, how awful for Gary and Rose to have seen me fall like that.
• Now their trip is going to be ruined.
• Gary had paid for the tours, and now I can't take them; what a waste of money.
• I'm going to slow them down, and I'll be a burden.
• What if I need medical care? That will ruin everything for them!
• I don't want them to worry about me on their vacation!

These fears were a lot to process, and I became overwhelmed and anxious. The fall and all these initial thoughts happened in less than a minute, and I quickly realized the need to access my coping skills, so on went the coach hat. (This was all before I even got off the ground!)

Once I was standing, with the help of my brother, I immediately acknowledged to myself that I was projecting. “If roles were reversed and I witnessed one of them experience a bad fall, would I be thinking about the remainder of my trip being ruined,” I asked myself. The answer was no. I would be deeply concerned for the injured person and think about what I could do to help them. With this shift in perspective, my panic receded, and I could focus on what I needed.

The lesson:

When a setback involves others, don't project. You have no idea how they are feeling or what their thoughts are, and there will be plenty of time to work out the details later. Take care of yourself first and ask for what you need.

Of course, this coach would have more opportunities to turn her skills inward. By the next morning, the pain and swelling worsened in the ankle and the knee. I was alone at the AirBnB and began worrying that I might need medical attention. Would my insurance cover it? Where would I go, and how would I get down the awful stairs lurking just outside the door? Would anyone speak English at the medical center? What would happen if I waited for medical care until I got home a week from now? If there's a fracture, will it be too late to treat it?

As you can see, the negative voices in my head were working overtime. My body became tense all over, and I felt highly agitated. That's when the coach voice took over and told me loud and clear that I was catastrophizing. I was less than a day in; of course, the injuries will get worse before they get better. “Give it time,” I told myself.

I used deep breathing methods to ground myself and shifted states by moving to a different room to distract myself with a bit of television. In addition, I used EFT to quiet the negative voices.

The lesson:

The human brain quickly goes down the path of catastrophic thinking, but your body will alert you when your worrisome brain goes into overdrive. You will experience things like anxiety, tenseness, stomach upset, and headaches. When you receive these signals, stop to ask yourself, “Do any of these manufactured predictions of the future need to be addressed immediately?” And “Do I know–for an absolute fact–that any of these awful things will happen?” The answers are: probably not and no.

In the subsequent phases of adjustment to my unfortunate reality, my brain changed directions, and I began to feel sorry for myself. Here I am, on my dream vacation, stuck in a small apartment with no view and a dangerous stairway. I would miss the spectacular pieces of ancient history I've waited a lifetime to see. I felt angry, sad, and lonely.

With my coach hat on again, I asked myself, “If you must stay in this room for several days, is this how you want to feel?” The answer was absolutely not. I could do nothing to change the situation, so how could I improve it?

I'll admit that even after I put some work into my mindset, some of the sadness remained, but the anger and grief were no longer amplified by it. It's natural to feel a bit sorry for yourself in such situations; I believe anyone would. But I would not let my feelings bring me down to the point of constant misery. So, I created goals and a plan. What entrepreneur doesn't feel better with goals and action steps in place?

First, practice gratitude.

I fell from the steps down onto the solid stone. I could have broken something or many somethings! I could have hit my head or fallen flat on my face. It could have been a truly catastrophic event. I am grateful that my injuries are relatively minor and will heal. I have two caring people with me who would look after me. I created a long list of “I'm really lucky” statements. Gratitude makes everything feel better!

Second, practice acceptance.

• I was in a disappointing situation and could not change it, but I could make the best of it, so I looked for the good.
• Gary and Rose would have some time alone in Rome. I'm sure that feels good to them.
• I brought my iPad, books, and iPhone. I could always find things to do, like writing this post while the facts and feelings were still fresh on my mind. (Although I didn't post it until I returned home.)
• I hadn't watched a movie in quite some time. Who gets to lay around in Rome and watch television? It's a new experience.

Third, expedite my healing.

I studied information online about healing a bad ankle sprain. Unfortunately, the apartment had no freezer, so there was no ice. Yet, ice is crucial to healing. I asked Gary and Rose to get those ice packs you snap to release a cold gel. Not ideal, but better than nothing.

I'd kept the ankle wrapped and elevated and put some magic Italian gel on it. I massaged it, and the knee, several times a day. On the third day, I began basic stretching and other exercises.

Last on the list: Set goals.

I know myself well. No matter what it took, I needed to leave the apartment after a full day inside. Once I got out for an hour or two, I could face another day inside if I continued to work at it. So, on the second morning, I met those challenging stairs with Gary's assistance. He and Rose then escorted me to a cafe where I began this article and sipped a delicious cappuccino while they painstakingly searched Rome for a cane. Later in the day, we took a short walk to a lovely historic restaurant and had a fun evening. I felt much better. On the third morning, I stayed at the Airbnb to rest my ankle, and that evening we attended our after-hours tour of the Vatican Museum and Sistine Chapel. It was a lot of walking and a ton of stairs, but I had a cane and a lot of determination, so I did it, and it was spectacular. A stoic guard even took mercy on me and invited us to ride in a secret elevator!

I continued to motivate myself by adjusting any negative thoughts to a positive mindset and spent my final two days in Italy seeing the sites. I walked miles a day on a badly sprained ankle and crooked cobblestone. It was slow but sure, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Having tools, creating processes, and fine-tuning your mindset can help you through a challenging setback. You don't have to be a professional coach to shape your negative thoughts into a positive vision and a plan to fit any situation. Use the following list as a guide to turn those sour lemons into delicious lemonade. (Oh, Italy has the best lemons, especially in Sorrento!)

• Be kind to yourself and avoid condemning your actions and choices.
• Acknowledge your feelings instead of pushing them down.
• Ask yourself questions like the ones I mentioned in this article.
• Pay attention when you're projecting or catastrophizing. Bring your thoughts back to reality.
• Figure out a plan to make the best of what you've got and to give yourself something to look forward to.
• Use this article as a template you can customize to your needs!

Two weeks after returning home, I don't reflect on a trip ruined by a sprained ankle. I look back at a dream come true and the beauty and richness of Italy. I remember being on the Mediterranean and dining in family-owned restaurants with a plate of homemade pasta and freshly caught shellfish. I think of the memories we created and spending precious time with two people I love. The ankle incident proved my strength and my family member's patience and kindness.

Do I wish the fall had never happened? Of course, I do; the darn ankle still stings, but I also feel proud of the coping mechanisms I put to work. The beautiful memories will far outlast the discomfort and inconvenience of what could have been a far worse incident. And, as my brother says, now I have a story to tell!

The post Here’s How I Just Changed a Shocking Experience to a Manageable Setback appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

The details are in the devil.

This old idiom alludes that something may seem simple, but in fact the details are complicated and likely to cause problems. For business owners in Italy, the details are most definitely complex, but some may find disappointment should they choose to come to the US to live out the American Dream. One of the reasons I feel that's true is that Italians, like most, believe that success is hard and you must struggle your way through it alone.

Entrepreneurial Success is Hard.

As a coach, I've learned that the familiar refrain, “Success is hard,” is a shared belief system among entrepreneurs, and we certainly experience hard times. The path to success isn't always easy, but it doesn't have to be a living hell either.

During our stay in Verona, Italy, we toured Dante's Inferno. We had an excellent guide who shared the lore of Dante's grueling travels through hell and purgatory to find his way to Heaven. The young guide told us that one of the greatest sins for those destined for hell is the refusal to ask for help. It's pride, he told us, and it's a lack of desire to achieve something meaningful. “Strong, positive desires point us toward heaven,” he said.

That said, Dante's great need and desire to find his one true love, Beatrice, kept him strong and determined enough to climb the treacherous path from hell and graduate through the levels of purgatory to the Garden of Eden, and Beatrice, in Heaven.

Being an Entrepreneur Should Not Feel Lonely.

As a coach of twenty years, I have learned that the entrepreneur who attempts to travel alone on their path to success experiences more hard times than those who are wise enough to look to coaches and mentors for help along the way. Business owners who finally come to me for help have often reached the point where owning a business truly feels like a living hell.

This article is not intended to be a lesson in religion but to translate these religious beliefs into a powerful metaphor for the human journey, most certainly the entrepreneurial journey.

Trusting Others is a Healthier Choice Than Doing Everything Yourself.

One of the greatest challenges entrepreneurs face in growth stage is to trust. Trust the guidance of an experienced mentor or coach, trust employees to take over parts of the operation, and trust themselves to find the success they seek. Dante, I thought, was like an entrepreneur practicing free will and learning about the power of choice. The tormented Italian poet could ask for help, assist others in the journey, and remain determined to reach his destination. The alternative choices would be to travel alone, unaided by fellow travelers, unwilling to lend a helping hand, and possibly give up the journey altogether or fail. Either way, each choice has its consequences, some desirable, some not so much.

We are here on earth to learn and grow; there's no denying that. Every missed opportunity and denial of support caused by stubbornness and refusal to change keep us in our metaphorical hell or purgatory. When entrepreneurs feel stuck and don't seek help, they deny the human right to choose freedom from these punitive environments and experiences. It's first important to acknowledge that you don't know everything you need to know to reach your intended destination. It's imperative to understand that asking for help does not make us weak or less than. With a strong desire to achieve, virtually everything is possible unless we attempt to do it alone.

Sometimes, Being Alone is a Selfish Choice.

As entrepreneurs struggle with daily challenges and financial woes, the act of going it alone could be misconstrued as a selfish one. Why? Because we then deny yet another human right to achieve our desires. And, because it's not only you who suffers. Think of those around you, people who care for you, and what they must be going through as they watch you suffer. Ask yourself, “How are the people I love affected by my current position?” Also, think of the people who want to help. Consider not only those close to you but coaches like me. There is no greater joy and privilege than working with a client who is open to receiving help, eager to succeed, and willing to change. Watching entrepreneurs journey to their idea of Heaven is one of the most thrilling experiences of my life. It's the same for your family and friends who want to witness you living your dream.

***Contact me to explore if I can help you to reach your entrepreneurial dream!***

You get to choose!

Is it time to exercise your freedom to choose? Because, yes, it is possible to choose success over failure. Through my experience of owning businesses, living life as I choose, and witnessing countless entrepreneurs decide to open their minds to change, I will tell you that you don't have to struggle and suffer. If your business model is truly viable, yet success alludes you, it only means that you are missing the answers that lie within you. It takes an outside perspective to help you find those answers and open the path to learning and growing.

Dante eventually landed in Heaven with his beloved Beatrice because he had a dream and allowed his fellow travelers to support him. He chose to aid others as he could and believed in the group's ability to reach Heaven, despite the temptations of crippling whispers from the devil. We all hear those whispers. Perhaps not from the devil, but the whispers of our inner critic that tell us to stop, give up, and deny our strengths, gifts, and talents. Don't listen to that voice, no matter how loud and ugly it gets. Instead, learn how to silence the damaging soundtracks, seek assistance in your growth journey, and believe in your ability to get there!

The post When Life as an Entrepreneur Feels Like a Living Hell, Metaphorical Inspiration appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

People often confuse high-achieving behavior with perfectionistic behavior. High achievers are dedicated, determined individuals with a strong desire to accomplish something important to them. Their achievements are not about what others will think of them or a fear of failure; it's to gain personal gratification from their success. On the other hand, people who deem themselves perfectionists are not driven by the pursuit of perfection; the avoidance of failure drives them.rue perfectionists aren't trying to be perfect; they are avoiding not being good enough. This avoidance dictates much of their behavior, and it's linked to depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and even suicide. Paul Hewitt, Ph.D., and psychologist Gordon Flett are two of the most respected researchers of perfectionistic behavior. They say that those who feel social pressure to achieve perfection tend to think that the better they do, the better they are expected to do. And so, the search for absolute perfection never ends.

Are you a high achiever or a perfectionist? Here are seven signs that your pursuit of perfection may put you at risk of depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and, in extreme cases, suicidal thinking.

1. Despite your search for perfection, you never feel perfect.

Dr. Hewitt uses this example of a college student who is also one of his patients and how the student viewed his success. The student was convinced he needed an A+ in a particular course, so he studied hard and aced the class. However, the student became even more depressed and suicidal than he was prior to the end of the semester. “He told me that the A+ was just a demonstration of how much of a failure he was,” says Hewitt. The student argued that if he were perfect, he wouldn't have had to work so hard to get an A+.

2. As a perfectionist, you cannot accept and celebrate your success.

It's never good enough, so you get sucked so far into the details that you become frustrated–even angry. Even when your goal is complete and results in success, you believe you could and should have done it better.

Perfectionists don't acknowledge their wins to the extent of feeling the joy and satisfaction of a job well done. Instead, they find flaws in how they (or others) executed the project. There is always something wrong, even though the outcome is exactly what they wanted.

3. You don't allow yourself any mistakes.

While an individual with a healthy mindset allows for mistakes, an extreme perfectionist doesn't forgive their mistakes. Instead of viewing them as a learning opportunity, you criticize and put pressure on yourself for not predicting a less-than-perfect outcome. You feel inadequate, even stupid, and these feelings preoccupy your mind, often to the point of losing all productivity.

4. You put up a front, insisting everything is perfect.

Perfectionists are intensely afraid of being judged by others. They often want the outside world to view them as being perfect and making perfection easy. Even when your world is a disaster zone, you put up a front to lead others to think it's all just perfect.

5. You avoid taking on challenges that may cause you to fail.

Perfectionists like to stick with what they know. If you're presented with an opportunity that means you'll have to develop more skills or move outside of your comfort zone, you're likely to turn it down. You're afraid you're not smart enough to tackle a new learning curve and will be seen as a failure or let down someone.

6. You believe that your likeability is linked to being perfect.

Personality and positive qualities like honesty, compassion, humor, etc., aren't what perfectionists believe people will like about them. It's not enough to be a wonderful person; you must be perfectly wonderful. You don't allow others to see your flaws, and you most likely talk about your achievements but never your failures.

7. Your life doesn't satisfy you.

Perfectionists cope well in a low-stress environment–so as long as nothing challenges you, you're fine. When was the last time you weren't challenged by life? Right, because nothing is perfect. When life seems unsettled to you, it presents a problem. Anxiety often increases, which offers the illusion that nothing is going well, thereby decreasing life satisfaction.

8. You need help with getting things done on time.

Since perfection is an illusion, the pursuit of perfection is never complete, and neither are your projects. You may get things done, but you constantly battle the decisions and motivation to complete certain things. The “what ifs” and expectation of a negative consequence or result preoccupies you, and the pressure can be overwhelming.

Can you overcome the seemingly never-ending pursuit of perfection?

There's nothing we can't overcome if we put our minds to it. Pay attention to these situations if you occasionally insist on perfection, but it causes excessive stress. I suggest journaling about them to find the shared link. The awareness alone will help you get to the core and figure out what it's all about. Observe how others accept themselves, flaws and all, and assign yourself a few virtual mentors to follow. Learning how successful people built upon their failures instead of hiding from them will help get things into perspective.

Hewitt and Flett say that perfectionism is a risk factor for psychological disorders–not a disorder itself. If it leads to depression, anxiety, or other exhausting mental states, therapy can help. Yes, you can develop a healthy mindset and make life much easier and more rewarding for yourself.

The post 8 Signs You’re a Perfectionist (and Why It’s Toxic to Your Mental Health) appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

As an entrepreneur, you must make tough choices, sometimes under unexpected circumstances. While we all experience and process each situation on our own timeline and in our own way, there are a few things you can do for an added measure of self-care.

Before making a tough decision, create your support system.

When we are in distress, we often forget to help ourselves in nurturing ways—or inform others how to help us.

When I made the gut-wrenching decision to leave a career I loved, I knew I would need to lean on others. It was time to walk away from the television broadcasting industry that I’d been part of all my adult life, but what would I do with my life after television?

Before formalizing this tough decision, I made an appointment at the local career center to learn about my options. I took the Meyer’s Briggs and other assessments at the community college; I reached out to my network to ask for connections, and I let my friends and family know that I would need some fun distractions from my quest to find a new beginning. These measures offered me a softer landing when I made an emotional exit from the only career I’d ever known.

Consider what might be needed and what would feel good to you during a stressful period in your life and ask for support. Making decisions and plans like these ahead of time will offer you a softer landing.

Plan for the inevitable.

I find a significant amount of our stress comes from doubting our choices and taking the big step of making the final decision. A situation I often experience with the entrepreneurs I coach is the unwillingness to let go of an unproductive or difficult employee. As the business grows, longtime employees may not be capable of growing with it. As employers, we understand the struggle an employee may encounter when facing unemployment. Feelings get involved and doubt sets in. Yet, once the entrepreneur decides to release an employee who isn’t performing or is not a good culture fit, good things happen—usually for the employer and the employee.

Give some thought to the decisions you may have to make in the future. Apply this formula:

If x and y happen, I will move to z, my final decision. In this scenario, if this employee fails to meet the requirements discussed in our meeting and doesn’t change their toxic attitude, I will let them go. This kind of planning lessens the possibility of emotional reasoning getting in the way of your ability to make a sound, albeit tough, decision. This process is especially helpful in big life decisions like managing the well-being of someone who can no longer make decisions on their own.

Find the collateral beauty.

I loved being the owner of a thriving independent coffeehouse. All of it, but the stress of running a brick-and-mortar business, the financial concerns, and 15 young, not-so-reliable employees—all while being the single parent of two teenagers.

As I always say, being an entrepreneur can be lonely, so I hired a business coach to help me with direction and clarity. That experience turned into so much more than I’d anticipated. It ultimately led to my current career, which turned out to be my life purpose and passion. Still, I had to make the difficult decision to sell my amazing coffeehouse so I could go to school and build my coaching practice.

The movie, Collateral Beauty, offers an unusual viewpoint of loss. There are aspects of even our most difficult experiences that are beautiful if we open our minds to a broader perspective. Selling the coffeehouse, while painful as I let go of my community of friends and a place I’d come to know as a sanctuary. It felt nearly unbearable; still, letting go provided me the growth opportunity of a lifetime. My coach offered to mentor me and supply me with pro bono clients. I’d added another layer of wisdom that comes with failures and successes, and this knowledge would support me in helping other entrepreneurs. I met people who would remain in my life for many years beyond the coffeehouse. I have memories of all the musicians and artists I helped by providing them a place to showcase their talents. Although I was grieving for the home-away-from-home I’d lost, my life was rich with joyful memories and more.

Use the oxygen mask theory.

We’ve all sat through the redundant safety messages on commercial flights. “Ladies and gentlemen, “Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the mask over your own mouth and nose before assisting others.” Why? Because you can’t help anyone if you’re unconscious.

Sometimes life gets tough just before we must make a dreaded decision. The stress and concern build up, making you emotional as your next steps become clear as mud. When your body’s energy and oxygen become consumed by its survival mechanism, your brain does not function well. The energy consumption leads to a sense of overwhelm, confusion, and many emotions.

Somehow, we become martyrs during a crisis, refusing comfort and help from others and neglecting our own needs. These sacrifices do not aid anyone involved in the situation and certainly don’t benefit you. Slow down, create space, eat as well as you can, and do what is needed to ensure proper rest.

One thing I know for sure. When we create the smoothest path possible, we have greater clarity and energy to get to the other side of our decisions. Once there, we can pick up our lives and begin to release whatever problems and pain the situation has brought into our lives.

The post How to Make Tough Decisions Bearable–and With Clarity appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

"If I had a realistic magic wand, what is the biggest change I would make in my life, career, or business?"

The post Are You Thinking Big Enough? Find Out by Asking Yourself This Little Quirky Question appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

It takes work, ingenuity, and smarts, but rest assured; you can find your way through the tough times. You'll need to keep your head on straight and view this period as an opportunity for change. If you engage in negativity, then see it for what it is–Bullshift!

1. Find the Bullshift™ by examining the true reason for your financial woes.

It's not unusual for struggling business owners to blame fickle customers, employees who don't get it, and a changing industry that leaves them feeling out of control. The blame list goes on and on, and some of these reasons are sound, but that doesn't mean you can't do anything about it. Usually, the more significant problem is within the entrepreneur, so your mindset is the first thing to examine. What is the real reason for your situation? Be honest with yourself, asking what you are afraid of about taking the next steps.

Once you isolate the problems (usually, there's more than one reason for financial stress), you can create a plan to address them skillfully and creatively. Often, it's not as tragic as you may believe. This is where a good coach or therapist comes in handy; perhaps that could be your very first step.

2. Eliminate expenses unnecessary to your small business.

During more abundant times, many entrepreneurs are tempted to spend money unnecessarily. Some of these temptations are new office space, nicer cars, overstaffing, and increased personal spending. Always consult with your accountant and talk things through with your coach or mentor before making decisions like these. Look at your profit and loss statements to help you recognize opportunities to adjust your spending. Be sure to weigh the pros and cons of laying off team members. If it leaves you in the position of doing all the work and none of the strategic growth efforts, it may not be a wise choice.

3. Find your low-hanging fruit.

Sometimes we don't see the opportunities right in front of us. The most efficient means to increase your small business's cashflow is often found within your existing customer and prospect lists. Upsell them, offer something new, and connect them more often and more effectively.
Is your website's traffic volume adequately reflected in your conversion rates? Are you missing an opportunity to sell something that visitors to your site aren't finding? Examine your sales funnel if your conversion rates are low.
Lastly, look at your accounts receivable; how many of your accounts are past due? AR is often a goldmine that small business owners hesitate to act upon. Put a plan in place to get more aggressive about collecting monies due.

4. Market like crazy.

If a dip in the economy is the reason for your cash flow issue, other businesses are likely suffering. Just like you, they are tightening the budget. The marketing budget is usually one of the first cuts that business owners make, and that's not always a smart idea. However, you can use this to your advantage because advertising rates may also be slashed. Take advantage of lower rates and out-market your competition even if the economy causes buyers to cut back and the audience is smaller than it used to be. You'll get ahead of the game if you gain the lion's share of the audience.

5. Repackage your services or products.

How can you offer a bargain or something fresh and new to your customers? I have a client who manufactures and sells a popular line of dishes and accessories for tabletop décor. By examining her market more closely, she determined that customers like bundled product offerings in addition to individual selections. With a slight break in price and attractive packaging for these gift sets, now her customers buy more items from her website. She has made purchasing and gift-giving easier, appealing to the customer's urge to buy.

You can do the same if you offer a service. Look for missed opportunities in the way you package and price your services so you can create something new and attractive for your audience.

6. Adapt and innovate.

Innovative companies survive difficult times because they adapt, not only when times are tough but always. You can ask your customers what they want, but, as Steve Jobs said, they don't know. Where do you see future trends going?

The templated design platform, Canva, is one example of a trendsetter. They are listed on Fast Company's 2022 50 Most Innovative Companies, referred to as a word processor for our modern digital design culture. The company has rolled out tools for every form of content imaginable, making good design accessible to people like you and me.

How can you become a leader in creating new trends?

7. Show your customers more love.

It's impossible to place a value on brand loyalty. Provide a great product or service, ease of use, outstanding customer service, and other efforts that make you unique. Your customers will become vocal advocates for your brand. Don't be stingy in developing campaigns and implementing policies that will turn your customers into raving fans.

Make sure that your efforts are well thought out, or you will suffer the consequences as this restaurant owner did:

Restaurant “xyz” is the fifth dining establishment to occupy a specific building in my area. The other four have failed miserably. When the newest restaurant hit the one-year mark, they sent a clever email blast about breaking the property's curse. Almost as an afterthought, they thanked their loyal customer base for making it possible. Nice, but where's the real show of appreciation? They ended the email by telling us to keep coming in to purchase more food and drink so their success could continue. No discount offers or other creative expressions of thanks. This indiscretion has not gone unnoticed, as diners have made comments on social media and among themselves. The restaurant saw a dip in business. While it wasn't long-lasting, I'm confident the restaurant was negatively impacted.

The post The Economy Has Tanked; My Small Business Will Never Make It. Bullshift! appeared first on Marla Tabaka.