It’s not something you find in a spreadsheet or strategy session. It’s the subconscious pattern behind how we respond to change, pressure, conflict, tough decisions, or even success. Your emotional strategy shows up in the heat of the moment—when a plan unravels, when feedback stings, or when uncertainty looms. It’s the subconscious pattern behind how we respond to change, pressure, conflict, tough decisions, or even success.

Everyone has an emotional strategy, but here’s the kicker: most people have never taken the time to examine theirs.

As a leader, understanding your own emotional strategy—and helping your team understand theirs—is one of the most underrated tools for building a strong, emotionally intelligent workplace. In fact, I’d argue it’s essential for sustainable leadership and personal growth.

What Is an Emotional Strategy?

An emotional strategy is your go-to emotional response when you're triggered, challenged, or stretched.

It’s the inner program that runs when things don’t go according to plan:

• Do you get defensive?
• Do you shut down?
• Do you take on too much?
• Do you fixate on worst-case scenarios?
• Do you lash out, people-please, or blame others?

These emotional responses aren’t flaws—they’re strategies your brain has learned over time to stay safe. The trouble comes when they go unexamined. What may have helped you survive earlier in life can sabotage your ability to lead, grow, and thrive today. Think of it as your operating system for handing emotions.

Why Emotional Strategy Matters in Leadership

Leadership isn’t just about vision, execution, and results. It’s also about regulation, communication, and modeling the emotional tone for your team.

Leaders with unexamined emotional strategies tend to:

• React impulsively rather than respond thoughtfully
• Create emotionally unsafe environments for themselves and their team (even unintentionally)
• Avoid difficult conversations
• Misinterpret their team’s behavior as laziness or incompetence

Leaders who understand their emotional strategy tend to:

• Pause before reacting
• Lead with empathy and clarity
• Create space for others to grow through mistakes
• Model emotional resilience during change and uncertainty

In other words: when you know your emotional strategy, you stop being run by it.

How to Identify Your Emotional Strategy (and Others’)

Self-awareness is the first step. Start by observing your emotional patterns in challenging moments. Ask yourself:

• What emotions come up most often under pressure? (Fear, anger, shame, overwhelm?)
• What do I tend to do next? (Withdraw, control, blame, fix, freeze?)
• Where did I learn this pattern? (Was it modeled for me by a parent, mentor, or early boss?)
• Is this strategy still working for me—or is it keeping me stuck?

To spot emotional strategies in others, watch for:

• Repeating patterns when things go wrong
• Reactions that seem out of proportion
• Avoidance of certain tasks or conversations
• Emotional shutdown. blaming, or over-explaining

Once you’ve identified a pattern, don’t label or diagnose—get curious.

How to Talk About Emotional Operating Systems with Your Team

Helping someone explore their emotional strategy is a gift—but it requires trust, tact, and timing.

Here’s how to approach it:

1. Lead with Empathy and Ownership

“I’ve noticed that when we’re in tight deadlines, I tend to get anxious and over-function. I’ve been working on that. I’m also wondering how that dynamic plays out for you?”

1. Use Neutral, Observational Language

“In a few meetings now, I’ve noticed that when feedback gets tense, you get really quiet. That’s not wrong or bad—I just want to check in. What’s going on for you in those moments?”

1. Ask Open-Ended Questions
   • “What’s your internal response when projects take a sharp turn?”
   • “What’s your first instinct under pressure?”
   • “What kind of support helps you the most when things feel chaotic?”
2. Normalize the Conversation

“We all have emotional patterns—we're just trying to bring more awareness to them so we can grow stronger as a team.”

Practical Ways to Improve Your Emotional Operating System

• Practice the Pause
  Create a habit of taking 3–5 deep breaths before responding to emotionally charged situations. I call this, Practicing the Pause.
• Use Reflective Journaling
  Encourage team members (and yourself) to write down what they felt and how they reacted after high-stress events. Pattern recognition begins here.
• Debrief After the Storm
  After challenges, ask: “How did we handle that emotionally?” not just “What did we learn operationally?”
• Offer Emotional Vocabulary Training
  The better your team can name their emotions, the less likely they are to be ruled by them. (“I feel overwhelmed” is more productive than “I’m just pissed.”)
• Model Repair Conversations
  Leaders who admit when their emotional strategy took over—and talk about how they’re growing—create a culture of safety and self-awareness.

Final Thought: Everyone Has a Strategy—Few Know It

Emotional intelligence isn’t just about staying calm or being nice. It’s about understanding how your emotions operate and helping others do the same.

The emotional strategy you and your team bring into work each day is either helping or hindering your growth. The good news? These strategies are adaptable. They’re based on wiring—but wiring can be rewired.

Start the conversation. Model the awareness. Make emotional growth part of the strategy—not just the culture.

The post Emotional Strategy: The Secret to Better Leadership and Team Performance appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

In the world of entrepreneurship, the notion that leaders are born, not made, is a long-standing belief. However, in my experience of 20 years as a business coach, I've learned that this belief is a myth that needs to be debunked. Leadership is a skill that can be cultivated and refined over time. I know because I help entrepreneurs develop their leadership skills and have the privilege of witnessing the before and after. The shift is powerful, but at least two limiting factors could get in the way of advancing your leadership skills: lack of confidence and the belief that you must be someone you're not to lead successfully.

Leadership is not about becoming an extrovert when you're not. You are no less a leader if you weren't born sociable and outgoing. Excellent leadership is built upon authenticity and trust. If you try to be someone you're not, you will fail.

So, how can you strengthen your skills while being true to who you are and your core values? The first thing to know is that leadership skills can be learned and honed through experience and education. And no, I don't mean a Harvard degree. The information you need is right at your fingertips.

There are developmental building blocks, mindset shifts, skills, and qualities that you already possess to get you on your way to step into the shoes of an outstanding leader confidently. It's time to Bullshift™any beliefs that you're not cut out to lead.

Test your leadership abilities with my free download,
“50 Tough Questions You Never Ask Yourself But Should.”

The Building Blocks of Leadership.

Picture leadership as a puzzle with pieces that you can assemble over time. The puzzle pieces represent skills like effective communication, emotional intelligence, adaptability, and strategic thinking. These are not innate traits but learned behaviors that you can hone through practice, experience, and confidence. You can build these skills over time, but also by observing the great leaders of our time through reading, listening to podcasts, and surrounding yourself with people who possess the qualities and skills you wish to enhance and develop.

Embrace a Growth Mindset.

Embracing a growth mindset is the cornerstone of leadership development. It's about believing you can develop your abilities, skills, and even your intuitive senses through dedication and hard work. When you limit yourself with negative beliefs about yourself, money, and the world around you, opportunities and valuable learning experiences will be missed and misunderstood.

Lean on your values.

When business owners contact me to discuss coaching, they usually feel a bit (or a lot) lost. They would give anything for a compass of sorts to guide them through their next steps and choices. Here's the thing—you already have an internal compass, and you need to lean on it to help you at every step along the way. When you identify and live by your personal and professional values, you'll make better choices, feel less confused, and gain clarity about yourself and your company's future.

Your values will help define your company's culture, another thing too many business owners neglect to do.

Contact me for a complimentary consultation if you'd like to learn more about defining your values;
it's one of the most significant things you'll do to develop into the leader you want to be.

Don't mistake empathy for weakness in leadership.

Great leaders can and should have empathy. This quality doesn't make you soft or weak; it's a strength and honorable leadership trait. The problem for highly empathetic people is that they sometimes need more confidence to make tough choices and to speak up without fear of hurting someone's feelings or confrontation. Empathy-driven leadership gets results and indicates a high level of emotional intelligence.

Emotionally intelligent people can use their feelings and intuitive senses to motivate themselves and others. They can understand and consider their team members' feelings to make sure each employee works from their best skill sets, not in areas of weakness. Empathetic leaders resolve conflict well because they can see and understand the nuances of a dispute or disagreement. Emotional intelligence also allows leaders to form intentional bonds with other people, connecting on a level that other leaders may not. If you are empathic, it can become your greatest strength, not a weakness.

Leadership is not an exclusive club for the chosen few; skills, experience, and qualities can be cultivated, nurtured, and refined. By adopting a growth mindset, continuous learning, and drawing inspiration from the great leaders of our times, you are already on the path to becoming the leader you aspire to be.

The post Afraid Your Leadership Skills Suck? BullShift!™ appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

So, here's the story.

Italy was, without a doubt, a trip of a lifetime; however, during the final week, I needed to step up my coping mechanisms to make a difficult adjustment. After three glorious weeks of taking in Italy's spectacular cities and countryside with my brother, Gary, and sister-in-law, Rose, I was excited to experience Rome. The Colosseum, the Forum, the Vatican, the Trevi Fountain, and so much more were awaiting; however, the Universe had different plans for me.

Setbacks happen.

On our final night in Sorrento before traveling to Rome, I sprained my ankle and injured my knee in a nasty fall. It could have been so much worse as I fell hard from the steps onto a marble landing. Still, it hurt like hell! It's a bad sprain, made worse by the knee injury on the opposite leg.

Different personality types respond to setbacks in different ways.

What do you think your initial reaction would've been if you were in my situation? Here's how it went for me.

Immediately after the fall, my initial questions were what most people would ask themselves. How bad is it? Can I move? In how many places am I injured? And then, how will I get up from down here?

After that, I moved on to thoughts similar to what you'd experience for an empathy-driven individual in this situation.

• Oh no, how awful for Gary and Rose to have seen me fall like that.
• Now their trip is going to be ruined.
• Gary had paid for the tours, and now I can't take them; what a waste of money.
• I'm going to slow them down, and I'll be a burden.
• What if I need medical care? That will ruin everything for them!
• I don't want them to worry about me on their vacation!

These fears were a lot to process, and I became overwhelmed and anxious. The fall and all these initial thoughts happened in less than a minute, and I quickly realized the need to access my coping skills, so on went the coach hat. (This was all before I even got off the ground!)

Once I was standing, with the help of my brother, I immediately acknowledged to myself that I was projecting. “If roles were reversed and I witnessed one of them experience a bad fall, would I be thinking about the remainder of my trip being ruined,” I asked myself. The answer was no. I would be deeply concerned for the injured person and think about what I could do to help them. With this shift in perspective, my panic receded, and I could focus on what I needed.

The lesson:

When a setback involves others, don't project. You have no idea how they are feeling or what their thoughts are, and there will be plenty of time to work out the details later. Take care of yourself first and ask for what you need.

Of course, this coach would have more opportunities to turn her skills inward. By the next morning, the pain and swelling worsened in the ankle and the knee. I was alone at the AirBnB and began worrying that I might need medical attention. Would my insurance cover it? Where would I go, and how would I get down the awful stairs lurking just outside the door? Would anyone speak English at the medical center? What would happen if I waited for medical care until I got home a week from now? If there's a fracture, will it be too late to treat it?

As you can see, the negative voices in my head were working overtime. My body became tense all over, and I felt highly agitated. That's when the coach voice took over and told me loud and clear that I was catastrophizing. I was less than a day in; of course, the injuries will get worse before they get better. “Give it time,” I told myself.

I used deep breathing methods to ground myself and shifted states by moving to a different room to distract myself with a bit of television. In addition, I used EFT to quiet the negative voices.

The lesson:

The human brain quickly goes down the path of catastrophic thinking, but your body will alert you when your worrisome brain goes into overdrive. You will experience things like anxiety, tenseness, stomach upset, and headaches. When you receive these signals, stop to ask yourself, “Do any of these manufactured predictions of the future need to be addressed immediately?” And “Do I know–for an absolute fact–that any of these awful things will happen?” The answers are: probably not and no.

In the subsequent phases of adjustment to my unfortunate reality, my brain changed directions, and I began to feel sorry for myself. Here I am, on my dream vacation, stuck in a small apartment with no view and a dangerous stairway. I would miss the spectacular pieces of ancient history I've waited a lifetime to see. I felt angry, sad, and lonely.

With my coach hat on again, I asked myself, “If you must stay in this room for several days, is this how you want to feel?” The answer was absolutely not. I could do nothing to change the situation, so how could I improve it?

I'll admit that even after I put some work into my mindset, some of the sadness remained, but the anger and grief were no longer amplified by it. It's natural to feel a bit sorry for yourself in such situations; I believe anyone would. But I would not let my feelings bring me down to the point of constant misery. So, I created goals and a plan. What entrepreneur doesn't feel better with goals and action steps in place?

First, practice gratitude.

I fell from the steps down onto the solid stone. I could have broken something or many somethings! I could have hit my head or fallen flat on my face. It could have been a truly catastrophic event. I am grateful that my injuries are relatively minor and will heal. I have two caring people with me who would look after me. I created a long list of “I'm really lucky” statements. Gratitude makes everything feel better!

Second, practice acceptance.

• I was in a disappointing situation and could not change it, but I could make the best of it, so I looked for the good.
• Gary and Rose would have some time alone in Rome. I'm sure that feels good to them.
• I brought my iPad, books, and iPhone. I could always find things to do, like writing this post while the facts and feelings were still fresh on my mind. (Although I didn't post it until I returned home.)
• I hadn't watched a movie in quite some time. Who gets to lay around in Rome and watch television? It's a new experience.

Third, expedite my healing.

I studied information online about healing a bad ankle sprain. Unfortunately, the apartment had no freezer, so there was no ice. Yet, ice is crucial to healing. I asked Gary and Rose to get those ice packs you snap to release a cold gel. Not ideal, but better than nothing.

I'd kept the ankle wrapped and elevated and put some magic Italian gel on it. I massaged it, and the knee, several times a day. On the third day, I began basic stretching and other exercises.

Last on the list: Set goals.

I know myself well. No matter what it took, I needed to leave the apartment after a full day inside. Once I got out for an hour or two, I could face another day inside if I continued to work at it. So, on the second morning, I met those challenging stairs with Gary's assistance. He and Rose then escorted me to a cafe where I began this article and sipped a delicious cappuccino while they painstakingly searched Rome for a cane. Later in the day, we took a short walk to a lovely historic restaurant and had a fun evening. I felt much better. On the third morning, I stayed at the Airbnb to rest my ankle, and that evening we attended our after-hours tour of the Vatican Museum and Sistine Chapel. It was a lot of walking and a ton of stairs, but I had a cane and a lot of determination, so I did it, and it was spectacular. A stoic guard even took mercy on me and invited us to ride in a secret elevator!

I continued to motivate myself by adjusting any negative thoughts to a positive mindset and spent my final two days in Italy seeing the sites. I walked miles a day on a badly sprained ankle and crooked cobblestone. It was slow but sure, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Having tools, creating processes, and fine-tuning your mindset can help you through a challenging setback. You don't have to be a professional coach to shape your negative thoughts into a positive vision and a plan to fit any situation. Use the following list as a guide to turn those sour lemons into delicious lemonade. (Oh, Italy has the best lemons, especially in Sorrento!)

• Be kind to yourself and avoid condemning your actions and choices.
• Acknowledge your feelings instead of pushing them down.
• Ask yourself questions like the ones I mentioned in this article.
• Pay attention when you're projecting or catastrophizing. Bring your thoughts back to reality.
• Figure out a plan to make the best of what you've got and to give yourself something to look forward to.
• Use this article as a template you can customize to your needs!

Two weeks after returning home, I don't reflect on a trip ruined by a sprained ankle. I look back at a dream come true and the beauty and richness of Italy. I remember being on the Mediterranean and dining in family-owned restaurants with a plate of homemade pasta and freshly caught shellfish. I think of the memories we created and spending precious time with two people I love. The ankle incident proved my strength and my family member's patience and kindness.

Do I wish the fall had never happened? Of course, I do; the darn ankle still stings, but I also feel proud of the coping mechanisms I put to work. The beautiful memories will far outlast the discomfort and inconvenience of what could have been a far worse incident. And, as my brother says, now I have a story to tell!

The post Here’s How I Just Changed a Shocking Experience to a Manageable Setback appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

The details are in the devil.

This old idiom alludes that something may seem simple, but in fact the details are complicated and likely to cause problems. For business owners in Italy, the details are most definitely complex, but some may find disappointment should they choose to come to the US to live out the American Dream. One of the reasons I feel that's true is that Italians, like most, believe that success is hard and you must struggle your way through it alone.

Entrepreneurial Success is Hard.

As a coach, I've learned that the familiar refrain, “Success is hard,” is a shared belief system among entrepreneurs, and we certainly experience hard times. The path to success isn't always easy, but it doesn't have to be a living hell either.

During our stay in Verona, Italy, we toured Dante's Inferno. We had an excellent guide who shared the lore of Dante's grueling travels through hell and purgatory to find his way to Heaven. The young guide told us that one of the greatest sins for those destined for hell is the refusal to ask for help. It's pride, he told us, and it's a lack of desire to achieve something meaningful. “Strong, positive desires point us toward heaven,” he said.

That said, Dante's great need and desire to find his one true love, Beatrice, kept him strong and determined enough to climb the treacherous path from hell and graduate through the levels of purgatory to the Garden of Eden, and Beatrice, in Heaven.

Being an Entrepreneur Should Not Feel Lonely.

As a coach of twenty years, I have learned that the entrepreneur who attempts to travel alone on their path to success experiences more hard times than those who are wise enough to look to coaches and mentors for help along the way. Business owners who finally come to me for help have often reached the point where owning a business truly feels like a living hell.

This article is not intended to be a lesson in religion but to translate these religious beliefs into a powerful metaphor for the human journey, most certainly the entrepreneurial journey.

Trusting Others is a Healthier Choice Than Doing Everything Yourself.

One of the greatest challenges entrepreneurs face in growth stage is to trust. Trust the guidance of an experienced mentor or coach, trust employees to take over parts of the operation, and trust themselves to find the success they seek. Dante, I thought, was like an entrepreneur practicing free will and learning about the power of choice. The tormented Italian poet could ask for help, assist others in the journey, and remain determined to reach his destination. The alternative choices would be to travel alone, unaided by fellow travelers, unwilling to lend a helping hand, and possibly give up the journey altogether or fail. Either way, each choice has its consequences, some desirable, some not so much.

We are here on earth to learn and grow; there's no denying that. Every missed opportunity and denial of support caused by stubbornness and refusal to change keep us in our metaphorical hell or purgatory. When entrepreneurs feel stuck and don't seek help, they deny the human right to choose freedom from these punitive environments and experiences. It's first important to acknowledge that you don't know everything you need to know to reach your intended destination. It's imperative to understand that asking for help does not make us weak or less than. With a strong desire to achieve, virtually everything is possible unless we attempt to do it alone.

Sometimes, Being Alone is a Selfish Choice.

As entrepreneurs struggle with daily challenges and financial woes, the act of going it alone could be misconstrued as a selfish one. Why? Because we then deny yet another human right to achieve our desires. And, because it's not only you who suffers. Think of those around you, people who care for you, and what they must be going through as they watch you suffer. Ask yourself, “How are the people I love affected by my current position?” Also, think of the people who want to help. Consider not only those close to you but coaches like me. There is no greater joy and privilege than working with a client who is open to receiving help, eager to succeed, and willing to change. Watching entrepreneurs journey to their idea of Heaven is one of the most thrilling experiences of my life. It's the same for your family and friends who want to witness you living your dream.

***Contact me to explore if I can help you to reach your entrepreneurial dream!***

You get to choose!

Is it time to exercise your freedom to choose? Because, yes, it is possible to choose success over failure. Through my experience of owning businesses, living life as I choose, and witnessing countless entrepreneurs decide to open their minds to change, I will tell you that you don't have to struggle and suffer. If your business model is truly viable, yet success alludes you, it only means that you are missing the answers that lie within you. It takes an outside perspective to help you find those answers and open the path to learning and growing.

Dante eventually landed in Heaven with his beloved Beatrice because he had a dream and allowed his fellow travelers to support him. He chose to aid others as he could and believed in the group's ability to reach Heaven, despite the temptations of crippling whispers from the devil. We all hear those whispers. Perhaps not from the devil, but the whispers of our inner critic that tell us to stop, give up, and deny our strengths, gifts, and talents. Don't listen to that voice, no matter how loud and ugly it gets. Instead, learn how to silence the damaging soundtracks, seek assistance in your growth journey, and believe in your ability to get there!

The post When Life as an Entrepreneur Feels Like a Living Hell, Metaphorical Inspiration appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

When your time belongs to something else—work, parenting, caregiving, your business—it can seem you’re trapped inside someone else’s agenda. Entrepreneurs easily fall into this cycle, sacrificing themselves and their time to long-term goals and the needs of others. If you’re not careful, the daily stress of giving yourself away diminishes any sense of self and well-being.

I recall my twenty-plus years of working in corporate: a fifteen-minute drive to the train, a forty-minute train ride into the city, then a brisk twenty-minute walk from Chicago’s Union Station to work. The commute was filled with paperwork and scheduling so I could lessen the load before a hectic 8 to 10 hours in the local news world. At last, I followed the routine of my reverse commute home to my kids for the few short hours we had together.

I loved my job, and being a mom, but what I didn’t love was the feeling of being lost inside the mechanics of every task-filled day. I rarely stilled my mind to capture the most important moments in life or to create a space that felt like mine because I belonged to everyone else. I never stopped to realize that I was lost, that there was something inside of me that felt unsatisfied—until one early morning when I missed my train, which left me with a rare twenty minutes to do nothing.

I felt nearly giddy with the anticipation of a precious few silent moments to myself. I randomly strolled across to a little coffee house where patrons cheerfully bantered with the fun-loving proprietors while waiting for their lattes and mochas. “Oh my! A cinnamon scone,” I thought. “Dare I? Oh sure, it was a special day.”

A special day? Why? It hit me then that treating myself to a few laughs with strangers, a fresh cup of coffee, and a cinnamon scone filled me with giddy anticipation of the next moment and the next. I took my warm coffee and scone to a park bench and savored them, along with the joy that filled my heart as I noticed, for the first time, the beautiful fall colors that had begun to tinge the leaves of the old oaks. “I feel like I’m on vacation,” I thought blissfully. I went to work that day with more emotional and physical energy than I’d had in a while, with a bit more spirit in my step.

That evening I journaled about my mini-vacation experience, and I found it so meaningful that it was decided, then and there, that I would “put a little vacation in every day.”

Put a little vacation in every day.

So, what does that really mean? Missing your train or a meeting, so you can sit idly in a park warming your hands on a cup of joe? What if it wasn’t that random? What if, without sacrifice, you could escape the everyday demands to capture time for yourself? To connect with yourself and your surroundings in a way that eludes you on a typical day? To stop and smell the roses, as they say.

It sounds like too little to mean a lot.

Too good to be true? You may ask, how can five or ten minutes make a difference in how I feel? What might this do for your well-being, health, and spirit?

1. Let’s look at the more practical side of this concept first. Research tells us that taking purposeful breaks (anywhere from 5–60 minutes) to refresh your brain and body increases your energy, productivity, and ability to focus. This is especially true during periods of intense concentration, like study and work projects. Short breaks will give you more time to do other things, making you more efficient and accurate.

Ok, now that that’s out of the way, let’s look at the more meaningful side of taking your little vacation breaks.

2. Purposeful mini-breaks can change the way you think. This is what I call, Bullshift™.

When we don’t have time to ourselves to just “be,” much of life’s more meaningful content gets swept under the rug. We neglect to find gratitude and appreciation for the good stuff and tend to focus on the more stressful aspects of our day-to-day life. Your mind is like your body, it becomes what you feed it. We must nourish our brains with positive thoughts, intent, and beliefs to live a happy, healthy, and fulfilled life.

When you take yourself away from the hustle for a few minutes spend that time finding the good: breathe deeply, look for something beautiful in your surroundings, notice the feel and scent of the air, savor the taste of something delicious, or observe an exchange between happy individuals. These simple actions will reinforce new neural pathways in your brain that eventually become automatic. Translation: You are teaching your brain to default to a positive attitude!

A little vacation in every day has become second nature to me, and I hope it does for you as well. Negativity is exhausting! Life is more fulfilling and hopeful when we can teach our brains to find the positive, even during difficult times. Rather than allowing daily demands to deplete you, capture something special in your day to make it yours because you deserve it!

The post How About 365 Vacations This Year? Here’s How–and Why appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

As a business coach, I have an opportunity to help affected business owners with their depression and to consider that their mysteriously dark thoughts and behaviors come from the depression they usually don't even know they have. The reason you may not think of it as depression is that if you see yourself as high functioning and expect yourself to ‘buck up,' as entrepreneurs do, you may be aware that you don't feel great, but you'll chalk it up to stress and other factors that don't include depression. With depression in entrepreneurs at a rate of 30 percent, this is truly a silent epidemic.

Why is depression in entrepreneurs so prevalent?

I can identify many reasons for the epidemic proportions of depression in entrepreneurs, and I'm confident that researchers have identified many more. The thoughts and information in this article come from nearly twenty years of successfully coaching small business owners; I am not a therapist. Here are the depression-triggering facts I witness most often.

Some entrepreneurs are predisposed to mental illness.

Many studies argue that some entrepreneurs are predisposed to mental illness, including depressive tendencies. The same qualities that make you an outstanding entrepreneur: creativity, ability to pivot, empathy, independence, visionary, and crisis-management skills may be rooted in negative life experiences. If you have experienced any level of trauma in your past, it likely resulted in many negative beliefs about yourself and the world around you. Experiences of failure, shame, perfectionism, and emotional or physical abuse, lead to anxiety and self-doubt, which can lead to varying levels of depression.

However, even if you were blessed with an idyllic childhood and a life relatively free of trauma, it does not disqualify you from depressive tendencies. The risks and uncertainty that come with the emotional rollercoaster that is a founder's life can be enough to push us to the brink of a breakdown. There is tremendous pressure to succeed from both internal and external sources. Mostly, entrepreneurs are hardest on themselves.

What are the primary stressors that lead to depression in entrepreneurs?

Aside from the above, the climate of the business world is quite harsh. There's competition, lack of funding, employees and candidates who ghost business owners, managing others, client issues, and rapidly advancing technologies that take money and education to keep up. As a founder, you have a world of weight on your shoulders and little opportunity to go off-grid to escape the crazy.

As though the external challenges aren't enough, they are compounded by negative self-talk and beliefs that can make you feel incapable or undeserving. Skim through my other blogs and Inc.com articles for more on this mindset and what to do about it.

Why it's difficult to spot depression in yourself.

If you've lived with depression for any length of time, it's hard to identify if your moods, thoughts, and behaviors are “just who you are” or symptoms of depression. Also, you're busy; who has time to slow down to evaluate this problem? Lastly, what if you discover you are depressed? That's scary, right?

The good news is that therapy, a good life and business coach, a healthier lifestyle, alternative treatments, and possibly (but not always) medication can resolve most issues. Why live a life of anxiety, high stress, and sad thoughts if you don't have to? It used to be taboo to discuss mental health; luckily, those days are gone.

How to spot depression in yourself.

Pay attention to your thoughts and moods. Prolonged sadness, anger, and frustration may be signs that you are depressed.

You're tired. Of course, you are, but depression comes with a whole new level of fatigue. Pay attention to your energy patterns.

Poor concentration. You may believe that what I call entrepreneurial ADHD comes with the territory. That's not always true. Your habits, beliefs, and lack of clarity contribute to poor concentration.

You may have a lack of appetite and trouble sleeping. Watch for any change in mood, habits, or attitudes that don't feel good to you.

Do you drink more alcohol than you'd like to admit?

A drink or two takes the edge off, but note if your drinking (or other self-medicating) habits have increased. This could be a sign that your coping mechanisms are over-taxed.

Indecisiveness and overwhelming feelings that muddy up your clarity.

Sometimes these feelings get so big that we shut down and use productive procrastination to avoid thinking about strategy and gaining clarity. Sometimes, even the most basic decisions feel overwhelming.

You don't feel like spending time with others.

You are excluding yourself from everyday social situations and avoiding others. This could be happening because your stress and depressive tendencies are taking up all of your energy. It's challenging to make small talk when you're facing tough problems.

Resolving depression in entrepreneurs.

The first step for anyone is to recognize that you aren't happy and are not alone, even though you may feel lonely. Many of your peers have gone or are going through bouts of depression. Society expects entrepreneurs to be tough and resilient, but we are all human with feelings, needs, and limits.

Try to put things in perspective.

Every problem becomes amplified when the brain is operating in a depressed state. Our stress bucket becomes full, and any minor issue can create an overflow. We also have negative recordings that yell at us from inside our heads; I'm not good or smart enough, I don't deserve success, I'm going to fail, so many people are counting on me, I can't let them down. I have many articles on my site about “BullShifting™” negative thinking. Check this one out.

Think about all the problems you've resolved in the past.

When we're involved in an anxiety-inducing issue, it feels like the world's weight is crashing upon us. You've felt this way before; what happened then? Most often, our worst fears don't manifest themselves. Even if they do, there are few circumstances from which we don't recover. You've probably faced heavier challenges and made it to the other side.

If simple positive mindset shifts are not helping your depression, please find a professional to work with for a while. If your depression is deep and long-lasting, interview some therapists to find one who resonates with your belief system. A coach with training and experience working with entrepreneurs is a great choice to complement therapy or as a stand-alone approach if you believe treatment is unnecessary. A good, ethical coach will gently nudge you toward therapeutic assistance if your situation is beyond their scope of practice.

Remember your mission and vision; you have a purpose to achieve. Ask for help so you can be happy in life and business and get to your goals efficiently. It's just better that way.

The post The Silent Epidemic: Depression in Entrepreneurs appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

Successful entrepreneurs see a direct correlation between the level of their success and the amount of work they've invested into a positive mindset.

Any thriving entrepreneur will tell you that personal development is paramount to success, but one component often gets overlooked in translation. No personal development regiment is complete without the ongoing development of a positive mindset.

Is “mindset” just a buzzword?

The word, mindset, is being used more often, not because it's a fad or phase, but because people are becoming increasingly aware of its importance. New studies in neuroscience continue to produce consistent evidence of the power of a positive mindset.

What exactly is mindset?

You possess a collection of thoughts and beliefs based on your unique life experiences. Some of them benefit you and support the likelihood of success, and many probably don't. These beliefs shape your thought habits and, therefore, your actions. They affect your energy levels and the way you feel in general. Your unique beliefs dictate how you view others, the world, and your future. Mindset is a big deal for everyone, but for entrepreneurs, mindset is everything.

I find that until an entrepreneur develops a positive, healthy, supportive mindset, they will not achieve their ultimate goals in life and business. A negative mindset never leads to success and happiness.

Successful entrepreneurs invest in their mindset.

The founder of the multi-billion-dollar company, Spanx, credits her success to the power of mindset development.

Blakely is not alone; successful entrepreneurs, in general, invest in themselves and habitually observe their thought patterns and related actions.

Build a foundation for a healthy, supportive mindset.

I've identified these 4 opportunities to Bullshift™ into a healthy mindset.

1. Resolve past hurts.

Carrying the burden of anger, resentment, pain, and/or a victim mentality weighs us down emotionally and physically. It depletes our energy and supports negative beliefs about others and the world in general. If you find yourself thinking and talking about life events that hurt you, you are perpetuating the painful effects of the incident. This cycle uses up more energy than you may believe–energy that could be applied to your business and happiness.

It's often difficult to let go of negative memories and the beliefs associated with them, let alone forgive those involved. If you are holding on to something from the past, work with a coach or therapist to resolve it.

2. Think positive thoughts.

Psychologist Rick Hansen, Ph.D., says that “negative events and experiences get quickly stored in memory, in contrast to positive events and experiences. Positive events usually need to be held in your awareness for a dozen (or more) seconds to transfer them from short-term memory buffers to long-term storage.” We have a cognitive bias toward failure and negativity, so it's natural to hold on to negative thoughts. We must put effort into positive thinking.

Positivity is a precursor to success, whereas negative thoughts narrow your mind and push you to hyper-focus on negativity. Positivity broadens your sense of possibility and opens your eyes and mind to the opportunities, ideas, and options that will support your success. This study, published by positive psychology researcher, Barbara Fredrickson, is only one of many that support these findings.

3. Believe in yourself.

Athletes frequently break records once believed to represent the limits of the human body. To achieve this, they must believe in themselves one hundred percent. Can an inventor build something that they do not believe in? No, they must believe in their project and their ability to bring it to fruition.

The practice of visualization is one of the most powerful means to raise your confidence and embed a stronger, more supportive belief system around success. If you spend only 20-seconds to a few minutes a day visualizing and, most importantly, feeling your success, it will make a remarkable difference in your life.

4. Be grateful.

Since it takes more effort to store positive experiences in our long-term memory, it's common for entrepreneurs to focus on what they have not done rather than their achievements. Flip that around by keeping a list of positive accomplishments, large and small. Also, add at least three things a day worthy of your gratitude. Avoid the “ya but” that you may tend to add after thinking or talking about a positive step you've made:

“Today, I crossed three things off my list.” (Feeling grateful.)
“Ya, but four more things got piled on.” (Feeling defeated.)

Celebrate even the most minor wins, and you'll experience many more victories. The benefits related to intentional gratitude are many. Here's a great resource, written by psychotherapist and Psychology Today author Amy Morin.

To Bullshift your way into a positive mindset takes an investment of time, persistence, dedication, and sometimes money. However, the time and effort spent on an empowering mindset offer the best ROI you'll ever experience.

The post 4 Steps to Bullshift Your Way Into a Positive Mindset for Success appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

"If I had a realistic magic wand, what is the biggest change I would make in my life, career, or business?"

The post Are You Thinking Big Enough? Find Out by Asking Yourself This Little Quirky Question appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

Not everyone has what it takes to think and act in a way that will grow a business to multiple six or seven figures. Things like a low-risk tolerance, lack of confidence, and an inability to think beyond their problems keep many entrepreneurs on the hamster wheel of struggle and sweat.

Some of the necessary qualities and skills needed to successfully grow a business can be learned. You must be willing to change and take action. It takes determination, confidence, and commitment, but the intrinsic and tangible rewards are well worth the investment of time and energy.

Million-dollar business owners have a vision with long-term goals in place.

A vision is a dream you aspire to. It consists of three elements:

1. Core values.
2. Core purpose.
3. Visionary goals.

It's best to create your vision statement through soul-searching and an eye to the future, not a few corny sentences that no one identifies with. It is the cornerstone of your company's future, including your plan, strategy, culture, and goals.

Million-dollar business owners plan for challenges and view them as an opportunity.

I work with an entrepreneur who suspected that President Trump would impose tariffs on Chinese imports long before it happened. He left his factory in China and moved production to other countries. The entire transition took just under two years, so it was a costly risk, but he's still in business because of it.

Never make the mistake of thinking things will remain the same because they never do. Your company could become extinct tomorrow, so know your business's vulnerabilities and continue to evolve as conditions change–because they will.

People with million-dollar business potential take responsibility.

Your employees make mistakes, market conditions change, customers quit, and vendors don't deliver on time. None of these scenarios is your fault, but a solid leader takes responsibility and acts to resolve issues immediately, without finger-pointing or blame. They view every problem as an opportunity to improve and develop.

Million-dollar business owners thirst for information and personal growth.

Many of my high 6 and 7-figure clients, and those who will be someday, wake up extra early to read or take in educational and inspirational media. Some add things like meditation, journaling, and physical exercise to the mix. Successful entrepreneurs don't use the “there are only 24-hours in a day” excuse. Mentally downloading useful information is fulfilling and can help you be more focused and productive, which means that 24 hours is plenty.

Successful small business owners take risks.

Savvy businesspeople calculate their risk/reward ratio as a predictor of return on investment. They also engage their intuition or gut feelings when making risky decisions. As you contemplate your next move, allow experience and wisdom to guide you toward your answers rather than acting hastily.

Millionaires wear wings.

Maintaining a bird's eye view of your company, environment, and the future takes a special kind of person. Millionaires are big thinkers and don't get caught up in the day-to-day operations any more than necessary. Keep your eye on your purpose and vision, remain focused on the goals, and imagine yourself donning a beautiful set of wings to keep you out of the weeds.

Big thinkers don't chase bright and shiny objects.

These business owners plan their next moves and stay on track, while less successful entrepreneurs complain they can't remain focused. There are two main reasons for lack of focus: little or no clarity, which causes them to go off-track, and too much involvement in operations. Creative minds need to remain focused but find new ideas fascinating. This fascination can generate tangents that delay or prevent success. This is where your vision, values, and long-term goals play an important role. Before pursuing a new idea, confirm that it fits nicely into your plan and that you're ready for it.

Millionaires respect money.

We all know people who spend money faster than they make it, and most of them are not millionaires. People who possess a millionaire mindset don't spend large amounts of money as it comes in. I've seen entrepreneurs do things like move into expensive offices and purchase luxury cars much too soon, only to end up losing them. I believe in celebrating as growth occurs but avoid being extravagant. Save the big spending for when you have a proven, replicable business model and money in the bank.

You're more likely to become one if you think like a millionaire. To become a successful leader:

1. Change your habits one at a time.
2. Be contemplative and evaluate your actions.
3. Create a plan for personal growth because your mindset determines your level of success.

Successful business owners have coaches and mentors.

Most of my new clients are making money and need the clarity, confidence, and support to build substantial growth. In one recent experience, my client began her coaching experience as a solopreneur with two part-time employees and annual sales of about one-hundred-thousand.  She broke the million-dollar mark in about one year and fourteen months later she is very near four million. She grew her team to fifteen talented people.

In another example, my client had a long-standing dream of authoring a much-needed book addressing her niche, but it was only a dream. Seven months into her coaching experience the book is on its way to the publisher! She is already well-known in her industry with high-profile connections and a powerful social media presence. I have no doubt that she will quickly meet her financial goals.

Success is measured in many different ways but always involves a dream. What's your dream? A great business coach will help you make your dream a reality.

The post Want to Become a Million-Dollar Business Owner? See If You’ve Got What It Takes appeared first on Marla Tabaka.

Why is confidence important?

Some people feel like imposters and walk around in fear of being found out, that they don’t belong. They believe they just got lucky to have as much success as they’ve had. When in this state, it’s impossible to imagine success and to take the next steps with ease. Whereas self-confidence makes it easy for us to visualize success and difficult for us to imagine failure. If you can’t envision your desired outcome, it’s awfully difficult to make it happen.

A strong sense of confidence will positively influence your work, access to happiness, and even your health. A confident disposition is important because of the way it makes us feel and it allows us to live a more joyful, productive life.

Confidence is contagious!

What’s fascinating is that confidence is contagious, and there’s a reason for that—mirror neurons. Have you ever noticed that when you're sitting across from someone, you end up mimicking one another's body position? Mimicking a companion's position, like crossed arms, elbows on the table, and legs crossed are examples of mirror neurons at work  Confidence can be mirrored back to us as well. When, for instance, you are confident in a presentation, the audience will subconsciously pick up on that energy and mimic it back to you. If you stumble on your words and your lack of confidence shows, the best you’ll get from your audience is sympathy.

How to tap into your confidence.

You can access your confidence by creating something to anchor it to.  Let’s have some fun and create these anchors. We’ll begin with a bit of journaling.

Write down what the opposite of confidence is for you. Some questions you could ask yourself:

• How do I know when I am NOT confident?
• Where in my body do I feel it?
• How does confidence impact my work?
• When I’m not confident how does it influence my overall mood, energy, health?

Now, break out your crayons and draw an image that represents the opposite of confidence.

Ok, a bit of creative expression here. What does a state of low confidence look like to you? What color, texture, shape, and size is it? There are no rules here, just go with your intuition.

Strike a pose or put yourself into a position that demonstrates your brain and body when you do NOT feel confident.

Don't be shy. Imagine a time when your confidence was in the gutter. What body position best represents that? Now, how do you feel? Pretty crappy, right? Let’s fix that. (I call this Bullshift because we are shifting the B.S. in our heads!)

Now let’s do the opposite.

Do the same exercises, but tap into your confident self. Write about what confidence is to you by asking yourself the same questions, but with confidence in mind. Then, draw confidence, strike a confident pose. Become Wonder Woman or Superman!

Anchoring to your confidence.

Now you have some things to anchor your confidence to: your written definition, the drawing, and your super confident pose. Create some affirmations from your definition. Look at, and touch your drawing. Strike your pose and put everything into it!

How do you feel now? Better? Yup!

Next week I’m going to post about how to use your amazing intuitive abilities to tap into confidence. Please don’t say that you’re not intuitive, because we all are. Most people don’t know how to recognize it and therefore, don’t listen to their intuitive voice. Tune in next week to learn how! UPDATE: Here's the link to the newest intuition post!

Meanwhile, try on your confidence today. Go be amazing!

The post Business Coach Tip of the Week. Try These Fun Tricks to Tap Into Your Confidence appeared first on Marla Tabaka.